Deep confusion

[Natious]

So this is something I've been wanting to put down in words for a while, but never thought I'd find the words for the thing that I want clarity on, even now thinking about it it's trying to slip away.

These are some of the things that I have kept coming back to years after years as a big circle of thoughts and I don't think I could "think" this thing out to a proper conclusion on my own. It's like this prison that I live in, prison of thoughts. I am always seeking for the "right" answer for things, like this key for success or a guide to living one's life. How to remove self doubt and live from a place of clarity, if there's something bothering me, knowing how to take action to resolve it. There's a lot of information on these things out there, but every time I read a book on one of those things it's like it has to be everything or nothing. For some reason I can't accept only one piece of that to be true or helpful. It's like living in a constant fog or a cloud.

At times I have thought that it's AM that brought it on, but that's not true, this has been going on for as long as I can remember. It's not until now that it has been so magnified that it's hard to hide from it. There are some times of clarity, but even at those times I know that it's only temporary. It's almost maddening and some times feels like I want to kill that voice inside my head.

This also seems to express physically (at least I think it's that). I have been unable to stay put since I was a kid then I think someone told me not to do that and I have been trying to hide it more or less, now that I'm grown up I kind of do it while I sit, move every half a minute or fidget. It's like having this nervous energy even when not in a social setting. Sometimes feels like I want to crawl out of my own skin.

Does anyone experience something like that? or has experienced?
I'm not really sure how to look at it since I haven't seen people write about anything similar. I feel like it's something that has been holding me back a lot in life. Might it have something to do with suppressing something?
I'm not sure if that makes any sense or what not. If anyone can shine some light on that, it would be awesome.

I have heard a lot about "going with the flow" and accepting as it is. While I like the concept, I'm not sure how to get to that place. I suppose it also relates to subliminal resistance, if you resist your mind, you resist the subliminals.

[Natious]

I've read your post and all I can say is that the things you are best at in life feel effortless. They also feel pleasurable and rewarding. These are your strongest beliefs. Just listen to subliminals properly, each day, with the right speakers and headphones. After a while, the goal of the program will be your strongest belief. And it will feel effortless and pleasurable to be an Alpha Male.

I can see it being true to an extent, however seeing how people that have achieved success in their lives say that it comes from a lot of hard work makes you believe that hard work is necessary to actually go far. I suppose what I'm looking for isn't the end all equation to success, but rather having the basic mentality or base on which it wouldn't be so damn hard to build these things. I think I just found out what I want to achieve with these subliminals.

To give an example of how this is necessary in order to do what you mentioned, if I find something that seems enjoyable, there's this very similar block that can push me off the rails and convince me the thing isn't for me. So I stop doing that, otherwise it would be like pushing against the stream always feeling like I can't do this right or can't succeed in it in the first place. Feels like being inferior to the challenge, or that it's not even worth trying. So the motivation or enjoyment has left as fast as it has arrived. It doesn't only happen in life, it happens in games as well, so I'm quite certain there's this pattern that keeps showing up.