Darwin’s Journal

[Darwinn]

Gotta say, attitude is totally shifting. it's like I've finally grown a pair with aspects of my life where I've been pathetically wimpy. On AM6 I became tough in these areas through hate and bitterness, which is far from the same thing as actually not giving a fuck because you actually have the stones to take risk and bear consequences others are afraid of. On LTU, these things mattered less because I felt like I was 'enough' without needing progress in these areas, again far from the same thing and not conducive to growth.

Gym continues, harder work continues. I'm loving the clearing on this.

My only worry now is that last night I actually saw this thing start to really work beyond clearing and outside of my relationship. A blonde chick sat next to me on the subway, after about 5 mins starts getting fidgety and glancing at me. then she strikes up conversation and is making crazy eye contact - asking me what I do, where I'm from, how old I am - we start conversing and I mention I have a girlfriend, but she kept going.

I got up to leave and she was like 'Ill probably see you here again some time'

Shannon better bring out MLS before DMSI gets me in trouble :p

[Darwinn]

Haha ok so I'm gonna chill on DMSI now and wait for MLS to come out. It's nice being on it but I'm a little tired of people picking fights with me, and kids disrespecting the absolute shit out of me.

Also it's only a matter of time before I end up screwing someone when I wanna stay faithful. DMSI aid messing with my original desire now to stay with the one I found. I'm entertaining thoughts of polyamory , honestly don't doubt that it could be a reality if I wanted it to. Talk about sense of personal value.

[Darwinn]

The haha was just because I was just walking along and for the 4th time in a week someone picks a fight with me!

[SargeMaximus]

That sounds aggravating. Have you tried not giving so much eye contact?

[Darwinn]

It feels like it's just out of the blue, I don't even notice these guys until they're in my face - it's so random that I'm too bemused about the situation to respond with aggression or fear. This time I just told the guy he needs to chill and kept walking.

[SargeMaximus]

It feels like it's just out of the blue, I don't even notice these guys until they're in my face - it's so random that I'm too bemused about the situation to respond with aggression or fear. This time I just told the guy he needs to chill and kept walking.

In that case perhaps you're not giving enough EC. Guys can feel ignored and offended the same as if you stare them down. Middle ground is key.

[Darwinn]

Maybe , sounds a little bizarre though. Going around and looking at guys I wouldn't even otherwise have realised we're even there.

[Zane]

Maybe they find u threatening.. Like a Nuke.
Maybe your Dominant Aura is suppressing their Aura which they don't like.
Maybe they want attention cause they fear going invisible and therefore they are trying to prove that they can fight the "High and Almighty You"
Maybe they want to be like u but are jealous of u cause they don't know how to become like u so they fight.

Or

Maybe they are all" IDIOTS " with no sense of purpose.

[Darwinn]

Haha, maybe bro, maybe.

Just a couple of points that have occurred to me on reflection.

I've noticed on the down side a bit of a decrease in libido and 'masculinity'. In fact I'm a little neutral and it makes me wonder whether a gender specific DMSI would be good for this - something that, if you're a man, still keeps and cultivates the masculine presense and attitude. Something about having an attraction sub which is gender neutral doesn't sit right with me, I'm sure the scripting takes care of it but whether this would be as effective as in a gender specific sub is my question. Attraction seems to be quite different for men and women after all.

[SargeMaximus]

Bizarre or not, it's a thing.

And if you want to be a celebrity you'd better learn to be gracious. No one likes a bitchy, self-absorbed hot girl.

[Darwinn]

Lol, Bitchy?

[SargeMaximus]

Lol, Bitchy?

Not saying your bitchy, just making a point. I hope you know what I'm getting at. If not, nevermind.

[Darwinn]

I....lied.

Well not so much lied, as changed my mind and didn't update. Instead of giving up DMSI altogether I thought I'd give B a shot.

The dirty looks from guys and people picking on me ceased, I've gotten more confident again and people all over are responding to me much more positively. I've had a lot of interactions people who might be deemed 'spiritually advanced' which also seems to be guiding me upon an all round better path in life, and jobs and opportunities for higher pay are cropping up.

Something weighs a little heavily on me though. I'm going for jobs which will require me to be really on point, sharp, and a very quick learner - and I'm going for them with a heavy heart because I still suffer with this dirty little secret of mine that I have learning difficulties. Those around me wouldn't believe me, since I've always done well academically and get paid well for what I do. Still I struggle with focus and presence so much that I've cultivated ways of avoiding situations where i'll be exposed - in these new jobs I will be exposed.

MLS is so important to me it's ridiculous. Really hoping it does the trick because this is the only thing holding me back now.

[Darwinn]

At the same time I'm cautious about placing too much emphasis on MLS being 'the cure' for all my ills. MLS 5g did improve stuff but then the effects ceased and I just got unfocussed with too many things I was trying to learn, and paying no attention to diet or exercise I just got mentally more unfocussed.