Andrei's DMSI 3.1 Journal

[Andrei]

Forgot the most important thing - quit vaping.

I realy want to be the best that I cna be in this life and not waste it.

[Andrei]

Day: 2 month + on ver A - never skipped a beat

There's nothing new or worth mentioning.
Some of my toughts:
- reading through the journals ... I see a lack of manliness; maybe I am getting too freakin' old but for sure I've gonne pass spliting the needle in two. There's simply no point in the drama created in that hot sexy chick that blew me. I've done some horible conversations since I've started ver. A, and believe when I say, I tend to be cocky, arogant, high value and at the same time make a bit of fun of the situation.
When I do mess up it isn't "hi, how are you?" - it is the Titanic freaking sinking and the crickets singing when I am embarrassing my self; I fall flatter than a pizza dow.
I do not tend to overanalize, I speak the first words that come out of my mouth and most of the time they're jibberish, low IQ but guess what, in 80% of the cases they usualy laugh their ass off; doesn't matter if it's boy or girl. I make remarks, bold, personal, close, uncomfortable some of the times and I end up spicing the mood.

1. Dude enters in an elevator and I am trying to desperatly get to another floor as fast as posible. He pushes a huge card but cannot since there's a level difference between the elevator and the floor. I look dead straight in his big brown eyes and shout "PUSH JOHNY PUSH"; he pushes harder and manages to get his cart in the elevator.
"Congrats Johny, now you know how it feels like to be a woman". Ofc he ends up laughting and strike conversation with me about random.

2. I am a delivery man, sometimes I am fast, sometimes I am taking my time, depends. This time I was pushing madly fast, ring the bell 3 times, she opens, I, clearly agitated cose I need to disapear fast.
"What's in the box" she asks, I am clearly disturbed because I do not know what's in the boxes and I couldn't care more I take with lighting speed the invoice out of her babling slow hands and read out loud "Cheese, a dead cat and a fire breathing dragon; how the hell should I know, just open it" and give her the invoice to sign with the most uninterested look onto my face. She ends up laughting ofc. IOI's shit, pussy wet and all that stuff, idk, never pushed for the number with any girls since I do not have the logistics.

3. At the gas station, going to pay. My walk, bold, cocky. I observe that another lady is waiting for the same pump and I tend to pick up my pace (I do what I expect from others to do for me). Asian girl at the counter:
"woaaaa, double jacket" I had a jacket on top of another jacket on me. Lazy bum ... I know. It's freakin sunday....
"Yeah, it's the new level of cool, its like double cool"
we strike conversation, I look impaciently towards the window at the car who's behind me, she doesn't take the hint, she wants to continue the conv. This makes me end up the conversation right there with : "just give me the receipt" and she .... has the balls to say "please give me the receipt, this is how we talk" at which I reply "yeah, maybe next time, thanks".
I am not mean in any freaking way, but people here tend to apologise for nothing and they are usualy overpolite cunts (Australia btw). I hate masks. A couple of times when hearing sorry from random people just for breathing my air I looked them in the eyes and asked "And you sorry for...?" and of course they couldn't answer.

- no program made by shannon will make girls approach you. It's my opinion. If we have girls approach us then, we change something inside. Males have certain jobs on this earth and has to project a certain aura (George Clooney) which can catch a girls attention and give you overly-bold IOI but most of the girls aren't sexual liberated to come and pick you up. Another part of our job is to deflect shit trown at us, even if we have a long time partner which we know well and does this.
If we, as men, tend to overanalize shit that happens and try to micro-manage the flow of our piss at a certain angle, imagine being head of a family with 3 girls in it.

[Andrei]

DMSI 3.1 ver. A / 2 loops per day / daily; no exceptions

Few days ago I was quite eager to start ver. B, I think I am on ver. A for 3 months now, maybe more. I do not know if that's enough or not but....

- I had a couple of days wondering if I should stop the sub, because "its not working / can't feel a thing/ time wasting / yada-yada-yada". Funny isn't it ? Now, now, sitting with my headphones on for 2 hours won't be the end of the earth, even if it's not working, well, I am always a type of personality who pushes to find out. Still, I cannot deny the toughts that I am questioning what I am doing.

- 1 Week after the above toughts, depresion, anger, pure fucking heatred towards my ... mom. I am not happy about this, had some wierd toughts of well, end it. Fuck, back to square one 3 months ago.

- I promissed my self, 1-2 weeks with no drama and I will switch to B; if there's drama, then I am staying on A.

Now, today, I am good. I do not know if the above if DMSI related; don't care. Still, toughts like this I will take them as healing. The problem was too much, too soon, too deep. DMSI A is working ? I don't know, don't care; I've stopped questioning this, even if there's a lullaby song hidden in Ver.A and its just a placebo effect I am gonna sit my ass down and eat this like I like it and mean it.

[Andrei]

3 Years later. Just an update for DMSI 3.1. I stopped dead in my tracks sometime after my last post since I felt like I wanted to kill someone or something and was angry most of the time. I don't remember exactly what feelings I had but I needed to stop or else someone could get hurt. The feelings were stronger and stronger the longer I listen to the program.