DMSI 3.2 it's official

[mat422]

Well after reading in Shannon's journal discussion about some users using h&c to avoid execution I decided to run b. Unfortunately it seems I'm predisposed to constantly ruminating over things in my head. The problem with h&c is sometimes you don't see an end goal. All you see are the negatives you're trying to deal with. And for me in particular sometimes I end up weaving these elaborate stories to justify why I'm not ready to move forward. You may be thinking, just run A and be mindful of when you're making excuses. Yeah, easier said than done. I don't know about anyone else, but my mind isn't the best at remaining objective when it comes to all this stuff. I'll bend and distort things if it means avoiding the things I fear. So I've decided the best solution is to not even give my mind that option in the first place. To forget about h&c and just focus on execution. Good idea or bad idea? Who the hell knows, basically I'm at a point where I have to try something different otherwise I'll just continue to run into a brick wall and get nowhere.

[SargeMaximus]

I look forward to hearing about your results.

Have you decided on a minimum run-time yet? (1 week, 2 weeks, etc?)

[mat422]

Hey Sarge. At a minimum I'm running it for 2 months. Based on research studies I came across it actually takes about 66 days to change or create a new habit. I'm coming from the assumption that version B is different from A in how my brain interprets it and therefore is like creating a new habit. That's my theory at least. If nothing else long term exposure seems to always give me better results.

[SargeMaximus]

Sweet! It's exciting!

I did version B for a while. DEFINITELY noticed good externals.

[mat422]

Looking forward to it, but at the same time not setting my expectations too high lol. It'll be interesting to see how B manifests in my life compared to A. Gonna be giving it 4-5 days before I really start reporting anything in this journal or if something really significant happens. Now that I'm moving attention away from healing and clearing it feels like most of my observations will be in the realm of real verifiable results vs the often intangible emotional clearing. Though I will say this, I think I've gone far too long with my journey of healing. When I think back to the subliminals that impacted me most it was always the ones pointing me in a certain direction which was mainly AM and self confidence subs. I think, though I'm not certain, it's far easier to overwrite an old habit with a new one vs trying to remove the old habit completely such as with healing and clearing.

[rumi5]

mat422,

From your description above you and i may think alike,constant thoughts. I ran DMSI a for about a year with not much too show for it but my circumstances aren't great where i live right now so it might be hard to tell. Shannon told me to try b for a couple of months but I'm going to do my AM6 run next before I move but I am really going to watch your journal to see how it go's. Best of luck.

[mat422]

mat422,

From your description above you and i may think alike,constant thoughts. I ran DMSI a for about a year with not much too show for it but my circumstances aren't great where i live right now so it might be hard to tell. Shannon told me to try b for a couple of months but I'm going to do my AM6 run next before I move but I am really going to watch your journal to see how it go's. Best of luck.

Thanks. Yeah to be honest I've been thinking about running AM again. The only thing that stops me is I'm so used to the smoothness of the new tech Shannon has made, I just can't go back.

---

Ooof. Side B has hit me hard lately, not in a good way. I'd say without the healing and clearing the fear feels stronger. But the difference is the focus isn't directed inwards and obsessed with destroying that fear. That was largely a losing game if I'm honest. I'd be afraid, get overly obsessed with ridding myself of fear, avoid stuff till I got rid of fear, not get rid of fear, and repeat in a never ending cycle of a stalemate with the fear. At least on B the focus is on being dragged through the fear. So even though I'm really twisted up right now and can't focus for shit or relax with anything, there's constant forward progression. Not super smooth, but it's like every time i get stuck I get a kick in the ass from dmsi instead of falling into one of those ruminating cycles I'd get into on A.

Honestly I don't think healing and clearing is all there yet for some individuals such as myself. Too many loopholes, too many possibilities of getting stuck, too much inward focus. I lacked balance on A. Closing that option of healing and clearing makes me deeply uncomfortable because I know I'm going to be forced to face all my fears. Part of me really really wants to go back to A. But I know where that road leads and it doesn't lead to improvement. Looking back on A I'm not even sure the healing and clearing did anything to be honest. Most of my improvements in my life were a result of me facing what I feared. So DMSI did help, but it helped by pushing me and forcing me to execute even when I didn't want to. It never really felt effortless, easy, or like I was free of fear. Which leads me to believe that all that time spent on A might have been unnecessary.

[rumi5]

mat422

I have yet to run AM6. I have run DMSI A for a year. It may have cleared some stuff not sure but at first it was very rough,alot of vrying. and now that I have stopped for the 21 day rest before i buy AM6 very rough lots of crying. I was wondering was your AM^ run tough? Do you think because I've run DMSI A for so long that my run may be easier? Just curious?

Thanks for your time...

[mat422]

mat422

I have yet to run AM6. I have run DMSI A for a year. It may have cleared some stuff not sure but at first it was very rough,alot of vrying. and now that I have stopped for the 21 day rest before i buy AM6 very rough lots of crying. I was wondering was your AM^ run tough? Do you think because I've run DMSI A for so long that my run may be easier? Just curious?

Thanks for your time...

Honestly, yes. That's one of the reasons I switched to DMSI. AM gave me a lot of resistance and I didn't see much growth. I've yet to run AM after running DMSI A so I can't really tell you how your run would go. It might be a little easier if DMSI pushed you to face some fears and you overcame them. Otherwise there's potential for you to have a rough time.

[mat422]

So I've noticed when dmsi really hits my subconscious i get this adrenaline spike. At first I thought it was the euphoria hit Shannon put in, but upon closer inspection it's definitely a strong fear. Makes me feel like a kid again when I was terrified of so many things and cried when things got too scary. I'm realizing telling myself to stop being a coward doesn't help. This definitely feels more like a scared inner child than a grown adult avoiding stuff.

This is where things get complicated because I'm hitting core fears that I'm not consciously aware of. There's definitely a part of me inside myself that I've silenced over the years to push forward. Unfortunately it seems I've lost that connection with myself and now I can't be honest about what holds me back because I've repressed it.

[mat422]

I'm filled with this inner rage. So much discontent. It's incredibly hard for me to find any motivation at work. Not even fear of being fired effects me. It's not that I slack off, it's just I'm not going above and beyond to advance in my skillset. I just don't have the energy to be honest. And if I do force myself to try to learn new stuff I find myself zoning out, not comprehending much, just getting frustrated. After a certain point it feels like I'm just being fueled by the guilt of not learning more. So it's almost like I pretend to attempt to learn new stuff just to alleviate the guilt. But then I catch what I'm doing and just get pissed off because it devolves into "what the fuck am I doing here?"

My car still isn't fixed. It was just a simple repair but since my car is so old nobody sells the parts. And they are the dumbest parts, a headlight mount and a turn signal lamp. I was talking to the guy and he said if he couldn't find the parts then I should just come take the car and then consider junking it. I'm thinking to myself, wtf? An entire car shot to shit because I couldn't find a fucking bracket for a headlight. I'm trying my best to remain positive through all this and tell myself it'll all work out, but DMSI has me on edge. And I don't know if that's because after all the clearing I'm learning that I'm actually very poor at managing anger or if my subconscious is just at it's limit right now and it's just raging at anything that goes wrong.

[Smuggler]

Ref. the anger. I have had this also, an intense rage that if tipped over the edge could have dire consequences. Absolutely certain it was DMSI that caused this, whether due to resistance or something else.

[mat422]

Ref. the anger. I have had this also, an intense rage that if tipped over the edge could have dire consequences. Absolutely certain it was DMSI that caused this, whether due to resistance or something else.

Good to know it's not just me. Thanks for the input.

[mat422]

Really would like to go back to A. But I'm going to stick this out for the sake of trying something new. I might just cut it back to 32 days and if nothing happens give myself a break until 3.2 comes out.

I'm realizing that this fear of not being good enough for others just stems from my own feelings of not being good enough. This has plagued me for years now. It has caused a lot of my anxiety and my inability to form relationships with people. It always felt like I carried around some deep dark secret I had to hide from people that made me avoidant.

And I'm realizing that I'm doing a lot of conscious overriding on DMSI that I thought was helping, but wasn't getting to the core of myself. I don't really want to be hypervigilant anymore with watching my behavior and being on guard for negativity, I'd rather just change it all and be. Unfortunately it seems like I do exhibit reversal resistance responses that sabotage my progress with dmsi. I need to focus more on why I'm so afraid of moving forward. But not just the fear, what's behind the fear. I think when it comes to fear we really only fear things that we believe to be true about ourselves. So if I'm afraid of people leaving me, rejecting the real me, being good enough, that means deep down my subconscious believes I'm not good enough or that nobody will like who I am.