09-23-2015, 08:13 PM
Day 18 9/23/15 stage 1
-It feels like a strong dark cloud of dark energy is hanging over me. I feel like terrible and my natural reaction to this is to divert it with video games. Hence forth i wasted 2 days worth of productivity and dropped all online coursework. And I feel needy while possibly still harboring hate toward people who are have a purpose in their existence.
-Maybe it is because if haven't found my own reason or motivation to continue existing and making use of my time and life. Everyone seems to be better than me in lots of ways. I feel like I am just a person floating around day to day, Nothing special and insignificant. The weight of my own felling of inferiority and stereotypes of Asian guys being weak are bearing down like a heavy hammer.
-porn consumption has always been high and the addiction is strong. I have to cut myself off from that toxic s***. It has effected my for years. Masturbation might have to go too but one thing at a time.
-Last night's dream, I got to meet a person I look up to on youtube and I asked the person "how you do it" and didn't get a meaningful answer.
-I attended a free class in a Japanese martial art which seems like a cool thing to try out. I had fun and it was a great time. Considering on joining them.
-At least I know AM6 is working its magic but it feels like being dragged face down across the road.
-It feels like a strong dark cloud of dark energy is hanging over me. I feel like terrible and my natural reaction to this is to divert it with video games. Hence forth i wasted 2 days worth of productivity and dropped all online coursework. And I feel needy while possibly still harboring hate toward people who are have a purpose in their existence.
-Maybe it is because if haven't found my own reason or motivation to continue existing and making use of my time and life. Everyone seems to be better than me in lots of ways. I feel like I am just a person floating around day to day, Nothing special and insignificant. The weight of my own felling of inferiority and stereotypes of Asian guys being weak are bearing down like a heavy hammer.
-porn consumption has always been high and the addiction is strong. I have to cut myself off from that toxic s***. It has effected my for years. Masturbation might have to go too but one thing at a time.
-Last night's dream, I got to meet a person I look up to on youtube and I asked the person "how you do it" and didn't get a meaningful answer.
-I attended a free class in a Japanese martial art which seems like a cool thing to try out. I had fun and it was a great time. Considering on joining them.
-At least I know AM6 is working its magic but it feels like being dragged face down across the road.
