Ben123's Life tune up!

[ben123456305]

Day 8 9/13/15 Stage 1
Dreams
-Earlier in in the week I had a dream of running away from two people. In this dream, All three of us had superpowers of some kind. I'm constantly running away while they were attempting to "save me". I resisted and and eventually used all my energy and I submitted to these people. I think the people chasing me are symbols of the subliminal and its new programs. While I symbolized resistance against the subliminal
Today
-I put off all the work to today and I needed to work on it today.
-First month of school and I am already have two interviews to prepare for.
-I arrived to Starbucks and every interracial couple with an asian girl seems to be triggering a deep repressed anger inside me. Hopefully I can let go of that because it is dense and very negative.

[ben123456305]

Day 10 9/15/15
-Now the classic bad AM symptoms are coming up. The hopelessness, the anger, the neediness, and other negative feelings are coming up. My mind likes to nitpick at all the mistakes I do and I usually get over it but now it lingers with more emotional reactions.

-I feel helpless right now with my current business idea. I know where to go to get guidance and what to learn and study for but when I don't go it makes me feel horrible (Lol). The fear of failing is very strong with this. I hope AM will cover it.

-The horniness is there but I dont know what to do with it.

[eternity]

dang dude if you start something, finish it. you were so close before you quit :/ how you do anything is how you do everything.

Well, i suppose it's been long enough on AM6 that it's too late to go back, so just keep at it. I'll be subscribed to this journal because I love seeing growth from people using AM6

just remember... YOU STARTED IT, so you HAVE to finish it! and according to the instructions too.

good luck

[ben123456305]

dang dude if you start something, finish it. you were so close before you quit :/ how you do anything is how you do everything.

Well, i suppose it's been long enough on AM6 that it's too late to go back, so just keep at it. I'll be subscribed to this journal because I love seeing growth from people using AM6

just remember... YOU STARTED IT, so you HAVE to finish it! and according to the instructions too.

good luck

But i havent quit am6.....

[ArcticFox]

dang dude if you start something, finish it. you were so close before you quit :/ how you do anything is how you do everything.

Well, i suppose it's been long enough on AM6 that it's too late to go back, so just keep at it. I'll be subscribed to this journal because I love seeing growth from people using AM6

just remember... YOU STARTED IT, so you HAVE to finish it! and according to the instructions too.

good luck

But i havent quit am6.....

I think he meant LTU

[eternity]

yes, i did mean LTU. and you said in your first post:

So I have a very bad habit of not being able to listen a sub for a minimum of 32 days. It has stopped me from getting the results that I want. So now I decided to try making another journal to log my progress and be more accountable for my progress and actions.

so i'm trying to help keep you accountable as a fellow subber

[ben123456305]

yes, i did mean LTU. and you said in your first post:

So I have a very bad habit of not being able to listen a sub for a minimum of 32 days. It has stopped me from getting the results that I want. So now I decided to try making another journal to log my progress and be more accountable for my progress and actions.

so i'm trying to help keep you accountable as a fellow subber

Can't turn back to LTU when I am on AM6 train.
Day 15/ 9/20/15
-Last night I had a big urge to clean up my room. I have cleaned up my desk area and it looks better now.
-I also had a dream where I felt really needy towards a girl and after I got whatever I needed with her, I found out she was cheating on me for unknown reasons. I extremely angry and even though i was sleeping, I felt the rage coursing though me. I didn't attack anyone but I just left the whole situation.
I am looking into starting some businesses that i love to do but the resistance and uncertainty is there. If I am going to grow from it then I should do it.

[ben123456305]

Day 18 9/23/15 stage 1
-It feels like a strong dark cloud of dark energy is hanging over me. I feel like terrible and my natural reaction to this is to divert it with video games. Hence forth i wasted 2 days worth of productivity and dropped all online coursework. And I feel needy while possibly still harboring hate toward people who are have a purpose in their existence.

-Maybe it is because if haven't found my own reason or motivation to continue existing and making use of my time and life. Everyone seems to be better than me in lots of ways. I feel like I am just a person floating around day to day, Nothing special and insignificant. The weight of my own felling of inferiority and stereotypes of Asian guys being weak are bearing down like a heavy hammer.

-porn consumption has always been high and the addiction is strong. I have to cut myself off from that toxic s***. It has effected my for years. Masturbation might have to go too but one thing at a time.

-Last night's dream, I got to meet a person I look up to on youtube and I asked the person "how you do it" and didn't get a meaningful answer.

-I attended a free class in a Japanese martial art which seems like a cool thing to try out. I had fun and it was a great time. Considering on joining them.

-At least I know AM6 is working its magic but it feels like being dragged face down across the road.

[Vincent_Vega]

You know that its just temporarily, man. Keep your head up and fight through it. And I think that AM will help you finding your purpose in life.

[ben123456305]

Day 28 10/3/15
Dreams.
-Last night I had a multitude of different dreams.
- I was super aggressive and I was pretty much fighting 2 people at once. After that, This one girl kept attacking me and I subdued her. Which is shocking to me because "putting your hands on a girl is bad". There was a lot of fury inside me when I was fighting everyone.

-Another Dream I "broke apart" and some pieces had this feeling and essence of "neediness and women" but those pieces didn't latch back on when I "reformed".

Real Life.
- I am starting to realize that friendships aren't equal from person to person. I am starting to think my old group of friends are neither supportive nor helpful in the way I needed. It is just day to day about spending money on food and whatever trivial stuff women do. So now I need to think about how to start my projects and find people who are like minded and grow with them.

-I shelved the idea of opening my own gym for now and focused on starting pet projects. Right now I have 2 project I am planning to start. A video game channel and Investing mutual funds.

-I like video games and enjoy playing them so why not try my hand in starting a youtube channel for it. There is no downsides to starting it and I get to work on talking and video editing.

- Starting a mutual fund to generate passive income for myself and grow as i will continuously invest in it until my hopefully early retirement.

[ben123456305]

Day 31 10/6/15

-I thought to myself "I have attachment issues" and the flood gates opened. I started wailing uncontrollably. Tears streaming down, Rapid deep breaths to the point of hyper ventilation.