Ben12's Journey to tranformation

[ben123456305]

I was doing OGSF

[SargeMaximus]

I was doing OGSF

Ah good sub, one of my favorites.

[ben123456305]

Stage 1 day 1 1/13/15
Weird, Today i dont feel tired or anything. I felt happy and was in a good mood for most of the day. In work I felt better and was more talkative to others. I usually feel horrible the first feel days but not this time.

[ben123456305]

Stage 1 day 3 1/15/15
AM5 is throwing me a curveball here. I don't feel anger, depression, or anything like that. Instead I feel really happy and relaxed. One noticable change so far is me socializing more.
My friend was having a horrible day today and at the end I was talking to her about it. I was more honest than I am usually am. This pissed her off but I didn't care at all.because I was feeling so happy and relaxed.

[ben123456305]

Stage 1 day 5 1/17/15
Love The changes so far. I'm alot happier with life and it is showing in my interactions with people. I am become kinder and treat people better without degrading myself.....wait am I using the right program here???
-Supposed to hangout with my friend on monday but she couldn't because she was having a mini reunion with her friends. I said "Alright have fun with your friends" with genuine kindness and proceeded to plan something else I wanted to do for the longest time. She thought I was mad because she chose to hang out with her friends instead.
-I was planning to approach a girl on a subway station. Had an Idea of what to say but when I got to the station I froze and decided against the approach.
-At work, I am being more social with all of my coworkers. This one girl seems attracted.
-I seriously feel like im running a comepletely different program than AM5.

[AlphaMind]

You are doing AM5? Great! After all that clearing you've done integrating these ideas would be easier.

Remember, you age isn't sufficient (as I recall you are below 18 yrs old) and it would create a HUGE shifting and challenging.

In the end, perseverance will solve these issues. Keep going bro!

PS: Next time use space or more organized way of writing style. It is a bit hard for me to read when each sentence is so close to another. Thanks

[ben123456305]

Stage 1 day 6 1/18/15

Last night when I started to listen to AM5. Anger started boiling inside me because of how my friends and I were treating my closest friend. He is the typical nice guy that's overly attached to this one girl for a good 3-4 years. He complains about how women walk all over him and such. My friends and I were continuously putting him down for those reasons and because he was stubborn about it (would not accept help). I realized I hated the "nice guy" part of me and I started verbally insulting my friend because of I believed he was the embodiment of "the nice guy" inside me. After realizing this I am going to try and treat him better.
I guess one step of being alpha is to stop needlessly putting blame on others because of myself?

Had some more dreams recently that were memorable:

-I was fighting some kind of monster. Every time I kill one, more would spawn. Suddenly I thought "Take it by the roots". So I broke through the entire platform and revealed the source of all the monsters I was fighting against. I destroyed the source of it.

-I felt like I was a zombie wandering through an apartment. Everything was pure white in this apartment. I started noticing that I tripping alarms and that signaled my presence. Eventually I walked up to the second floor and I began fighting this trance for my consciousnesses. I collapsed on the floor afterwards. I lose the fight and my consciousness gets sent to empty space where a white figure told me that it "was my true nightmare" with a blood red grin. That freaked me out really hard and I tried to physically wake up but my mind was lagging behind.

I dont know what the second dream means but the first might mean I am getting to the heart of one problem and clearing it?

@AlphaMind
Is this easier to read?

[ben123456305]

Day 8 1/20/14
I have an overwhelming urge to make money. Legally or otherwise. I have an idea but I need funding first so I am going to have to wait for my next paycheck

[AlphaMind]

Day 8 1/20/14
I have an overwhelming urge to make money. Legally or otherwise. I have an idea but I need funding first so I am going to have to wait for my next paycheck

Yup. Majority of AM users have this urge. Becoming financially independent is a HUGE role in life.

Once money isn't our ultimate we will realize we have so MUCH freedom of time. Go for it!

[ben123456305]

stage 1 day 10
Something is pissing me off. My own thoughts of inferiority is making me angry. The thoughts in my mind as a whole is making me angry. Yeah I think I'm running AM5.

On a side note I think a coworker is expressing interest in me. I am going to hold back because I am probably going to throw myself at her. <---hopefully AM5 deals with that LOL.

[ben123456305]

Day 11 1/22/15
There's something in my mind that is telling me it is not ok to find women to be physically attractive. I think I trouble accepting that I am only attracted to physical features of the woman.

[SargeMaximus]

Day 11 1/22/15
There's something in my mind that is telling me it is not ok to find women to be physically attractive. I think I trouble accepting that I am only attracted to physical features of the woman.

I have something like that myself. I feel that I cannot just date women for sex and fun but have to either commit or abstain. For me, it's a religious programming from childhood.

[ben123456305]

Day 18 1/28/14
I was talking with another friend today about money and then i gradually became depressed about my current circumstance. I started pitying myself about how I am not wealthy but as I'm venting my mind already responded with "It's up to you to change it".

Later I started thinking about it again and thought the fear of growing up. That also brought up questions such as what does "Growing up" mean? I have to find my own meaning but find my own path is hard when I am accustomed to follow.

[ben123456305]

Day 24 2/3/15 Stage 1

The Good:
-I decided to try and do more things I want to do.

-My mind is pushing me to make time in the morning to look better but I keep skipping it so I can sleep more.

The Bad:
-I am extremely soft spoken. I need to work on projecting my voice.

-I have been gradually slipping into depression and i have been beating myself up for trivial things.

The Ugly:
My subconscious wants to be blame everyone else and its bordering misogyny. My conscious mind is trying to bring reason to myself and redirect it somewhere else.