Becoming a stronger me

[I am a self helper]

Day 10 on AF#2. I had the most vivid dream this morning. I was working in a plant type building, as I was walking downstairs I noticed that everybody was at a dead run like Godzilla was chasing them. I turned around and ran upstairs telling everybody that we need to leave, something bad was happening. My GM was in his office carrying on a conversation with somebody and said something to the effect of "I will leave in a minute" or " I will be done in a minute". I turned around to leave and saw my HR Manager coming down the hall and told her to get out, leave. She turned and left. A minute later, I see her coming back pushing a girl in a wheel chair. She tells me that we need to get the girl out and the elevators won't work. She and I work together trying to get the wheelchair down stairs. Just as we reach the bottom, I see everybody, through suddenly glass walls, start dropping like they were hit with a big dose of radiation. I am still standing, I run into the working plant area looking for somewhere to go. As I am running, I see this sour, pissed off person walking by and he glares at me. I found a metal box big enough to hide in but it had holes that I tried to cover the holes with my hand. Then I just started to fade away. This is when I woke up. I actually felt somewhat peaceful until I realized that I had to get up for work.

Thinking about it, my boss tends to be inactive. My HR Manager is over stretched trying to run multiple sites spread out between 2 states. The most obvioius is that the the OM is very Toxic for me. He has me completely worn out mentally, my work ethic is not near what it was prior to his arrival and I have lost any desire to go above and beyond. My thought is: It is what it is, I will do what I can while I am here. But I can't wait to get away.

I am working on my resume this weekend and will post it. I have spent 11 years at this job and it seems that I have always had to battle to keep it. I expected it somewhat being a female in a males work environment. I am just exhausted and don't see the need to fight anymore. Time to move on.

[Why So Serious?]

Glad to see your back and doing AF.

Also happy to hear your finally moving on from the job.

[I am a self helper]

Glad to see your back and doing AF.

Also happy to hear your finally moving on from the job.

Good to hear from you Why So Serious. I am back. I plan on running through AF twice to get the biggest bang. Here's hoping.

[I am a self helper]

Day 15 on AF#2. I paid a company to put a proffessional resume together for me this morning. Now time to start working on my Linkedin page. Time to get the ball rolling.

Yesterday I my OM needed something done. He wouldn't look me in the eye and ask me to do it. He asked the GM to do it, which of course was rolled down to me. The man never looks me in the eye.

I catch myself telling people things that I normally wouldn't say. Telling them what they are doing wrong. Usually in a nice way.

[I am a self helper]

I started AF Stage3 last night. Not much to report from stage 2. There was 1 interesting conversation that had had on Wednesday that I am going to mention just because it isn't really something I thought about before.
My 15 year old son and I were talking and he says to me "Mom, I am acting like you at school in one of my classes"
Me: How is that?
Robert: Well, we have a big assignment due. I am asking my team Where are we at on this, did you start that, etc...
Me: Do I do that?
Robert: Mom, you are always on top of things, If it needs done, you get it done.
I have always been like that but just considered it doing what needs to be done.

It was eye opening. Maybe I started the program more alpha than I thought. But I still have a long way to go. I still have problems with confrontation and speaking my mind as much as I would like.

[Shannon]

Always on top of things? When it gets done you get it done? That sounds pretty alpha to me.

[I am a self helper]

Always on top of things? When it gets done you get it done? That sounds pretty alpha to me.

I have never seen myself as being an Alpha, yet in the past I have had people tell me that I am intimidating. I could never figure it out. I am not a confrontational person and will shutdown when it is time for a confrontation, therefore I have always considered myelf a beta. But I like what I am feeling so far.

[I am a self helper]

I had a confrontation last week with my OM. He was made to apologize for something that he did to myself and one other on Wednesday. My blood pressure was way up afterwards but I did get quite a bit off my chest.

Not related to the above.
I have noticed in the last couple of weeks that:
1. My labido is way up
2. I am getting my sense of humor back
3. I have noticed a change in my husband, as stated before, he is very appreciative towards me lately. I have always catered to him as he has a LOT of chronic pain issues. This makes him irritable. For maybe that past month or so, he is saying thank you for everything and joking around. Almost like it 15 years ago before the pain.

[Joronda]

If your body language is changing, then people in your circle will treat you differently (in alignment).

[I am a self helper]

I started AF#4 about 5 days ago. I have noticed two things over the last couple of weeks. 1) I really have no desire to drink alcohol. We had a party and I had a couple, nothing close to my normal drink to get a good buzz style. 2) I am very focused on the way I look paying ALOT more than usual.
I have been fairly relaxed but am just returning from vacation. We will see how long that will last

[I am a self helper]

I started AF #5 about 25 days ago. I haven't really noticed much worth mentioning until a couple of days ago.
Every 4 years we have a family reunion at my mother in laws. This year I brought it to Vegas. Historically I would battle all of the older women over the kitchen. This year, it was like I intimidated the hell out of them, even the Corporate Lawyer. My husband was laughing and said that every time I walked back into the house they would say "Oh crap, she's home, we gotta get out of the kitchen". Everybody was amazed with how organized and well timed everything was. I definitely felt Alpha during that time frame

[I am a self helper]

Tonight is my last night on AF.
I can honestly say that I do feel stronger.
I speak my mind more freely and don't have to talk myself into it (rehearse) it so much.
I have virtually quit drinking-just no desire for it.
I really have no desire to hang out with people in general. I am happy with my family. Really don't want to deal with the drama that people bring into a friendship.
My sons coaches approach me as a leader, asking for help and information.
I feel as though I stay more calm and don't get quite as frustrated as I used.
I really don't know if this is from AF or from outside influences. BUT, the last week my OM that has tormented my life for the last two weeks is all: Thank you, I appreciate it, good job. WTH, I really don't know how to take a sudden turnabout.

The plan is 6 months to a year on MLS 5G then back to AF.

[Athena]

I enjoyed reading through your journal today and your experiences with Alpha Female and the other program too. Haven't read from many women who have been through the whole thing and as I am curious to try the program out myself at some stage it was great to read through the experiences and changes of someone who has done that!

(Am currently working on a different sub, and I DON'T HAVE 14 hours a day to spend plus am at a job that does NOT let me listen to music so it's 4-8 hours most of that during sleep but that's all I can do at the moment, but I am doing what i can and it's usually 7-8 hours, rather than 4. But I can, I think, increase this. Not to 14 though, but I'll do what I can. I think I could probably increase it to 9 a day, just thinking through what I could do & when and I think i would be able to do 9 a day. I can work towards that, yes. But 14 is not possible for everyone, so you know, do what we can, i guess? And I'm committed to doing that for up to 9 months and see what happens :-))

I am really pleased for you to hear about all the positive changes that have come about for you, personally and professionally from using the Alpha Female, and your journal was a joy to read! I found myself kinda rooting for you and just...yay! Thank you so much for sharing!

[I am a self helper]

I enjoyed reading through your journal today and your experiences with Alpha Female and the other program too. Haven't read from many women who have been through the whole thing and as I am curious to try the program out myself at some stage it was great to read through the experiences and changes of someone who has done that!

(Am currently working on a different sub, and I DON'T HAVE 14 hours a day to spend plus am at a job that does NOT let me listen to music so it's 4-8 hours most of that during sleep but that's all I can do at the moment, but I am doing what i can and it's usually 7-8 hours, rather than 4. But I can, I think, increase this. Not to 14 though, but I'll do what I can. I think I could probably increase it to 9 a day, just thinking through what I could do & when and I think i would be able to do 9 a day. I can work towards that, yes. But 14 is not possible for everyone, so you know, do what we can, i guess? And I'm committed to doing that for up to 9 months and see what happens :-))

I am really pleased for you to hear about all the positive changes that have come about for you, personally and professionally from using the Alpha Female, and your journal was a joy to read! I found myself kinda rooting for you and just...yay! Thank you so much for sharing!

Thank you for commenting. I keep a constant loop of the ultrasonic version going at in my office and in the bedroom. This way nobody is the wiser and I get as much exposure as possible depending where I am at what I am doing at work. I don't know if you have your own office and it's possible but just a suggestion