Hi, all. I've posted details about me in the introduction forum, so now I'll just go on full-blast. This
My girlfriend broke up with me in September and had a difficult time coping with it. Compared to the last breakup with the previous girlfriend, this one was a breeze to go through.
The first month was quite breezy. I didn't feel any pain whatsoever, just slightly sad, but I managed to overcome it quite easily. I kept a journal that helped me a lot.
The second month got worse, as I sent 2 letters ( she replied to the first one and the second one was more like copy paste from the diary above ) and explained in full detail why she decided we broke up, which I am extremely grateful that she did. In hindsight, I think it was a good thing to do ( had my point of view heard with nothing held back, but kind of selfish of me. I'm sort of in between with this.
The third month was more tame than the other, but tougher on some more aspects. I've decided that I cannot and will not tolerate myself like how I was in the previous relationships and that I'm supremely not interested in having my heart broken again. So I've picked up a few books and a few programs to work with myself and I've sort of been in conflict with myself.
Read Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy" about 3-4 times and did the exercises ( not all ). Read "Love Yourself" by Larry Levine ( inspiring book ) Went through Carlos Xuma's "Ultimate Inner Game" and "Alpha Masculinity" briefly, did Hypnotica's "Sphinx Of Imagination", "The Attractor Factor" and "Metamorphosis" religiously. And now I'm on the BIATBW, ten days in.
During this time, I've discovered bad stuff about myself that I thought I fixed and some bad stuff that I didn't even know it existed. I was blamed by my recent ex that I was selfish, that I didn't treat her right, that I didn't call her sweet names and stuff and that I hurt her a lot. she also said that I was emotionally unavailable to her, lacked intimacy with her, hurt her with my jokes. Pretty much exactly what Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy" said about the nice guy.
I've pinpointed in time the exact events that caused my previous bad behavior towards girlfriends.
- I was sexually egotistic because I had a 4 year relationship in high school with a girl that did not put out the entire time. Most of what we've had was extremely heavy petting. And since I confronted her about this, she kept her position that she was scared of being hurt by the "uncorking" process, while I just chased other girls around for sex and sought sexual gratification...didn't got my way with them, though, because of guilt that I might hurt her. i was afraid of my sexual desires. i was afraid i;d force her into doing something she doesn't really want. It was my mistake since I should;ve ended it way before that. From now on I shall emotionally connect with my partner in bed, feeling deeply connected as we look into eachother's eyes and carress eachother. And truly appreciate the intimate moment we have.
- I became emotionally unavailable because of a girl that i was in college with during the time I was with said 4-year relationship girl. After i broke up with the LTR girl, I dated this other one, who broke up with me two months later. Suffered a 6 month heartbreak. I though I'd fixed this up, but 3 years later, I dated a redhead for a year and 3 months and she cheated on me. This breakup brought the worst pain imaginable for me. this breakup in itself cemented the emotionally unavailable me and was afraid of exposing myself again for fear of hurt.
- I behaved like i behaved with this recent ex because I hadn't resolved my past issues and that I've compared this relationship with the 4 year old one in terms of how we get along ( the sex was a-plenty, this time around ). And it was bad because, as I've recently reveled to myself, the 4-year-old relationship was a bad relationship to start with. from now on, i am completely and openly available to my loving partner, exposing both my good side and the bad side, so as we can have true bonding and intimacy. i am free of fear of "being found out" i can fully expose myself now. whatever it is, i truly can be exposed and expose myself i shall.
- I have discovered why I was lacking appreciation and lack of lovingness. The LTR girl again. And my parents too. It was a non-fulfilling relationship with her. We weren't "cute" with each other and I thought that was how it was supposed to be. I paralleled all that followed with the 4 yo relationship. And it was a disaster. She didn't appreciate what I had to offer in terms of band stuff ( I had a band at that time ). she didn't want to come to concerts at all. she wasn't supportive. she even told me that once in a not-so-serious talk turned dead-serious that if I'd paralyzed from the neck down she would dump me. And I've mistaken my continuing the relationship with losing her but in reality it was fear of not finding anyone better. turns out it wasn't the case, because I did. And my parents...well they weren't/aren't openly affective to one another and again I thought that is what it's supposed to be like. to them it works. to me, it doesn't. from now on I will fully appreciate my partner when she does something good. fully and wholeheartedly.
Now, with the BIATBW.
So far, I'm 10 days in. Before I started this, there was a certain feeling in my head, like it was something...stuck, there. And it was almost an actual physical sensation. And it was related to this recent ex ( hereinafter known as D. ). I was obviously not completely over D., since I still wanted her back. With the help of this particular sub, I was able to get over her. Sure, D. still pops up in my mind, but it's far, far, far less often now, very few times a day. The hurt is gone, the anger is gone, the longing is gone.
And I actually have times when I'm kind of "meh" about getting back together with her. I did ask her about having a little get-together. She said she can't give me an answer now. I just was and am really glad that it wasn't a flat-out "no". And about the times I feel "meh", it's not that I don't want to, but I dream ( as in sleep-dream ) of other girls, fantasize about other girls. And get really, really excited over meeting new girls. At the time, I'm not seeing anyone. But today I did see three girls checking me out. At work, there's a chick that digs me, but I don't like her that way.
So it's all looking good. The thing is that I didn't deliberately looked for the results, so the results from today are all I have.
going to come back to post some more. Probably once every few days.
My girlfriend broke up with me in September and had a difficult time coping with it. Compared to the last breakup with the previous girlfriend, this one was a breeze to go through.
The first month was quite breezy. I didn't feel any pain whatsoever, just slightly sad, but I managed to overcome it quite easily. I kept a journal that helped me a lot.
The second month got worse, as I sent 2 letters ( she replied to the first one and the second one was more like copy paste from the diary above ) and explained in full detail why she decided we broke up, which I am extremely grateful that she did. In hindsight, I think it was a good thing to do ( had my point of view heard with nothing held back, but kind of selfish of me. I'm sort of in between with this.
The third month was more tame than the other, but tougher on some more aspects. I've decided that I cannot and will not tolerate myself like how I was in the previous relationships and that I'm supremely not interested in having my heart broken again. So I've picked up a few books and a few programs to work with myself and I've sort of been in conflict with myself.
Read Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy" about 3-4 times and did the exercises ( not all ). Read "Love Yourself" by Larry Levine ( inspiring book ) Went through Carlos Xuma's "Ultimate Inner Game" and "Alpha Masculinity" briefly, did Hypnotica's "Sphinx Of Imagination", "The Attractor Factor" and "Metamorphosis" religiously. And now I'm on the BIATBW, ten days in.
During this time, I've discovered bad stuff about myself that I thought I fixed and some bad stuff that I didn't even know it existed. I was blamed by my recent ex that I was selfish, that I didn't treat her right, that I didn't call her sweet names and stuff and that I hurt her a lot. she also said that I was emotionally unavailable to her, lacked intimacy with her, hurt her with my jokes. Pretty much exactly what Robert Glover's "No More Mr. Nice Guy" said about the nice guy.
I've pinpointed in time the exact events that caused my previous bad behavior towards girlfriends.
- I was sexually egotistic because I had a 4 year relationship in high school with a girl that did not put out the entire time. Most of what we've had was extremely heavy petting. And since I confronted her about this, she kept her position that she was scared of being hurt by the "uncorking" process, while I just chased other girls around for sex and sought sexual gratification...didn't got my way with them, though, because of guilt that I might hurt her. i was afraid of my sexual desires. i was afraid i;d force her into doing something she doesn't really want. It was my mistake since I should;ve ended it way before that. From now on I shall emotionally connect with my partner in bed, feeling deeply connected as we look into eachother's eyes and carress eachother. And truly appreciate the intimate moment we have.
- I became emotionally unavailable because of a girl that i was in college with during the time I was with said 4-year relationship girl. After i broke up with the LTR girl, I dated this other one, who broke up with me two months later. Suffered a 6 month heartbreak. I though I'd fixed this up, but 3 years later, I dated a redhead for a year and 3 months and she cheated on me. This breakup brought the worst pain imaginable for me. this breakup in itself cemented the emotionally unavailable me and was afraid of exposing myself again for fear of hurt.
- I behaved like i behaved with this recent ex because I hadn't resolved my past issues and that I've compared this relationship with the 4 year old one in terms of how we get along ( the sex was a-plenty, this time around ). And it was bad because, as I've recently reveled to myself, the 4-year-old relationship was a bad relationship to start with. from now on, i am completely and openly available to my loving partner, exposing both my good side and the bad side, so as we can have true bonding and intimacy. i am free of fear of "being found out" i can fully expose myself now. whatever it is, i truly can be exposed and expose myself i shall.
- I have discovered why I was lacking appreciation and lack of lovingness. The LTR girl again. And my parents too. It was a non-fulfilling relationship with her. We weren't "cute" with each other and I thought that was how it was supposed to be. I paralleled all that followed with the 4 yo relationship. And it was a disaster. She didn't appreciate what I had to offer in terms of band stuff ( I had a band at that time ). she didn't want to come to concerts at all. she wasn't supportive. she even told me that once in a not-so-serious talk turned dead-serious that if I'd paralyzed from the neck down she would dump me. And I've mistaken my continuing the relationship with losing her but in reality it was fear of not finding anyone better. turns out it wasn't the case, because I did. And my parents...well they weren't/aren't openly affective to one another and again I thought that is what it's supposed to be like. to them it works. to me, it doesn't. from now on I will fully appreciate my partner when she does something good. fully and wholeheartedly.
Now, with the BIATBW.
So far, I'm 10 days in. Before I started this, there was a certain feeling in my head, like it was something...stuck, there. And it was almost an actual physical sensation. And it was related to this recent ex ( hereinafter known as D. ). I was obviously not completely over D., since I still wanted her back. With the help of this particular sub, I was able to get over her. Sure, D. still pops up in my mind, but it's far, far, far less often now, very few times a day. The hurt is gone, the anger is gone, the longing is gone.
And I actually have times when I'm kind of "meh" about getting back together with her. I did ask her about having a little get-together. She said she can't give me an answer now. I just was and am really glad that it wasn't a flat-out "no". And about the times I feel "meh", it's not that I don't want to, but I dream ( as in sleep-dream ) of other girls, fantasize about other girls. And get really, really excited over meeting new girls. At the time, I'm not seeing anyone. But today I did see three girls checking me out. At work, there's a chick that digs me, but I don't like her that way.
So it's all looking good. The thing is that I didn't deliberately looked for the results, so the results from today are all I have.
going to come back to post some more. Probably once every few days.
What I can be, I must be!