DMSI v3.0.1-A -- The World is my Playground

[Ivaylo]

Went off the grid for a couple of days. I wouldn't be writing this if I didn't consider it to be valuable data for Shannon.

Anyway, I stopped DMSI three days ago when out of the blue I got sick with 38.5 C temperature. Apart from this being just another case of that in flu season, here's why I find this significant.

I have a pretty good immune system. In the last 5-6 years there have been exactly three times I've been sick (for more than 12 hours), including this one. The last time my temperature was this high was 12 years ago (I'm 28 now) when I truly treated my body like shit. Exactly since I recovered from that I decided to start taking good care of my health and I have been doing that ever since.

What's more is I can track down some things I did (or failed to do) that likely contributed to me coming down with this... and these are things I would normally never do. To me personally this seems like I'm sabotaging myself and once I recover completely I'll have to seriously consider if I'm going back to 3.0.1 or if I'm waiting for 3.1.

Not taking my self-sabotage into account, DMSI is likely the best money I've ever spent. Whatever I choose to do next, I'm definitely looking forward to 3.1.

[Ivaylo]

Okay, 4 days and ~600,000 IU of Vitamin D3 later, I'm back at full speed.

A friend who has a personal trainer business recommended that I take a massive dose of vitamin D3 and it worked. Now I'll take somewhat lesser doses until I get my blood concentration of D3 to levels, associated with strong immune system.
Today's my last day of rest and I'm going back on the DMSI train tomorrow. This time I'm paying extra attention to my health.

P.S. If anyone's wondering about supplementing with D3, I'd suggest you search for Vigantol oil. Super concentrated source of D3 in liquid form without the gelatin capsules and the other crap.

[Ivaylo]

Day 29 (Day 8 after the 4-5 day break I had to make to get over the flu)

Okay, here goes another list of less-than-random observations:

- First, my preferences for physical attractiveness change constantly. The moment I meet a girl and feel some attraction, I can usually be sure that it will be gone in 7 days or less.

- The only sure exception to this is the INFJ politician where the attraction is way deeper for me. On the surface she would probably be rated ~6-6.5 by most people, but that's not where I perceive her. I find it fascinating that my attraction for her has not been subject to change since I started DMSI. New elections are coming some time in April (this time for parliament members) and I'll be helping a lot, so I expect to see her more often. I'm done waiting and I'll be patiently, but steadily moving toward the kill once we start preparing for the campaign. (provided my taste doesn't change again)

- Work is great, I'm enjoying myself a lot. I had enough on my plate in these last two weeks, especially considering all the holidays and the flu I went through.

- New neighbors in the apartment adjacent to mine. After me and the owner discovered there was a human trafficking ring in the apartment in question, we locked them out of it by force, lol. The owner thought she was renting it out to a nice couple with a small child. Anyway... My intuition was telling me the new tenants would be female and now I can say at least one of them is. Judging by the way she talks, she either has a cuck boyfriend or a female flatmate. Hoping for the second scenario, because I don't enjoy getting people to cheat... and because I can't wait to try DMSI's non-compete module. Haven't seen any of my new neighbors in person yet, just overheard a voice through the wall a few times.

- I'm still on A, I'm still healing, but it seems like my extroversion has gained a lot of ground the last few days. Either it's compensating for the massively introverted period while I was getting over the flu... or I'm getting a tiny bit closer to full-on hunting mode. Funny thing is... I can break through to "extrovert mode" just by intending to do so... and then I feel great. If I don't though... I can be introverted for days. Not sure what's healing and what's laziness anymore. If you could call passionately working on your business "laziness"...

- I've had some rage the last few days, Shannon's observation about a possible source resonated with me. I started catching myself raging toward similar kinds of stimuli and the rage diminished greatly.

All in all, I'm happy with version "A". Might switch to "B" at some point just to let some of the healing bloom and get a reference for what "B" is about.

[Ivaylo]

In the last 7 days, twice I was forced to only run one loop of A for the day. Not literally forced, of course, but I'd like to avoid listening at night at all costs... something feels weird to me about it.

Anyway... both times I've noticed I'm more social, more positive and with better self confidence on the day after. Three possible explanations, as far as I can tell:

1) Running one loop simply works better for me
2) I'm experiencing a minor "bloom" effect (or simply less mental fatigue)
3) The mere fact that I'm changing something around makes me more observant and present, which leads to everything else

Now, explanation #3 probably sounds far-fetched, but seems plausible to me. I generally get bored with repetitive tasks and I know I'm getting a bit annoyed at doing the same thing every day.

Anyway... last 7 days I was also forced to stay with my parents'. The temperatures through this last week were in the range between -20 and -15 Celsius. At these temperatures my air conditioners stop working, while my parents' apartment has central heating.

Being on my own today for the first time in the last 7 days... feels scary to me for some reason. With DMSI, there's often a fear I'm experiencing (and probably healing from). I've had the "luxury" to constantly be able to project it onto somebody for the last week. Now, I have no choice but to be alone with it. Not a pleasant sensation and experience, but even writing about it helps.

I'm also finding myself out of touch with my usual lifestyle. This probably started to happen around the 23rd of December when I got sick. Since then, a lot of stuff has shifted and now I don't think I can return to the same lifestyle even if I tried. I guess I'll be working out how to live my life again.

F*ck... it's only been 3 weeks and I feel as if I've been out for months at least. It's fine when I have to adapt to my day-to-day changes, but 3 weeks is... way too much. These are first world problems though... not complaining at all.

[Ivaylo]

I'm keeping up with DMSI v.3.0.1a at least until the end of the month. I'll try to do a 3-7 day pause before v3.1 just to see if there's a bloom... and to make the transition just a bit easier.

Anyway, I keep on healing, apparently.

I may have found the source of the fear I've been experiencing since I started DMSI. If I'm right, it's related to my relationship with my compulsively overbearing mother. Fear and feelings of inadequacy seem to be the main culprit that's healing. Not sure if I did the right thing by digging it up to a conscious level, but at least now I'm catching myself as this type of fear gets triggered... which in effect diminishes it over time.

No sex yet, though. I decided to stop keeping in touch with the one girl I've been seeing semi-casually lately. My experience with her was no longer rewarding to me and she seemed disinterested in becoming more attractive for me... so there you go. DMSI did a good job masking the emotions that arose and now, even though it's probably still processing on some level, I feel as if I never knew her.

[Ivaylo]

I haven't made an update here in a while, so here goes.

- I'm realizing that over the last few years I've developed an increasing tendency to deny myself the pleasures of life... hiding behind the rationale that they're transient, superficial and not fulfilling. This started long before IML was in the picture, but it does explain in part why I did not get optimal results from 3 runs of BASE... and why I'm still mostly healing on DMSI. As always, just being aware of it already helps.

- Respect hits are getting ridiculous and are truly making me uncomfortable. As an ENTP, I would much rather let loose and greet strangers with "what's up, dude", but this aura seems to make people want to interact with me in much more formal ways. I know they mean well, but all I want to do is cringe. lol

- IOIs are up there as well, although not as ridiculous. However, reading body language in my everyday life is apparently not my strong suit. I think I'm fluent enough when I'm in a bar, for instance, and my sole purpose for being there is socializing. My guess is I'm resisting any programming that changes the way I perceive myself, which in turn prevents me from seeing the indicators for what they are. I'm really not used to seeing heavy IOIs while I'm essentially minding my own business.

All in all, one interesting breakthrough and two champagne problems that are probably evidence of resistance. I'm still running v.3.0.1a, I intend to do so at least until the end of the month, possibly even after that.

[Ivaylo]

I had to interrupt DMSI to use MHS 5G for a few days, which may or may not have affected my latest experiences.

Right before I had to use MHS, I was getting more aggressive, cocky and confident every day. Then that sub switch (and then back again) likely stopped my momentum.

Right now, I'm experiencing deep disinterest in women. I can appreciate they're pretty, I can intellectually conclude they're sexy... but I don't get turned on. Probably another change in taste such as the ones I mentioned before, except this one is all-encompassing. Either that or it's the burnout from changing subs too often, lol.

In social situations I enjoy talking to males a lot more, because that's what's making me grow at this moment. I feel the need to be challenged by other males right now. Not necessarily challenged in the traditional sense - but I seem to evolve better when receiving (and giving) masculine energy.

Overall, it's fairly obvious to me I'm still healing and adapting to my new self. I think I can handle ver. B right now without too much resistance actually, and I'm almost sure that's what it would take for me to become aggressive again, this time with some crazy story to report.

My goal for this sub is healing first, though, so no ver. B for me just yet. Not until 1-2 months of v3.1A.