Ampers&d: The Year of the Alpha (Male 6.0)

[Ampersnd]

@FrostedFlake

When will you "have enough money"?

[Ampersnd]

@FrostedFake; fair enough; I don't have all that much flowing cash at the moment.

Stage 6, Day 21,

I screwed up a bit when I picked the wrong 'Stage 6' for most of the day. I was listening to 3-4 rounds of Alpha Male v5. Now, I'm back to v6. My brain is pretty exhausted right now, and that was the case yesterday.

I had started running the sub at work on Ultrasonic; it brings up enormous resistance, since I'm being put up against real life shit in the moment. I feel the in-congruency and it hurts; I wind up lashing out. It was working against me, so I thought. Then, by Friday, I begin kicking ass at the job.

Frustration seems to help you get over hurdles, if done right. It makes sense; you keep missing the impala with your spear when you throw it, of course you get frustrated. Your brain stays focused on it until it consolidates a solution, if you stay focused on it (usually when you have no other choice)

When I am awake and alert, I feel overall smarter and sharper, as though the couple of months with 'Maximum Learning Speed' makes a comeback. But the tired feeling seems a bit more frequent. Haven't had any major issues with energy, surprisingly.

I feel a bit like a chump, playing video games on the weekend, wearing bad casual clothes, by myself all the time. I know that I have my work colleagues around lunch, and that I'm in this small town only for two weeks. That's a case of frustration. I'm strongly considering going out on Fridays and Saturdays, just to be out of the house, and to practice the Masculine Intent stuff. I've done a bit of work on masculine polarity, and it's improving.

I'm having a bit of uncertainty about a music career, possibly because that I have cabin fever from this small town, and a small social circle. This may change when I'm actually back in the big city, where I can buy nicer clothes, connect with the influencers, buy the books in the store, and approach sundress-wearing ladies.

[Geodude]

Holy shit. I can see a profound difference since reading your journal a few months ago. You've made significant progress! You have like 1 week left. Good luck!

[Ampersnd]

Heh thanks geodude.
It's harder to notice change in myself, especially with a sub designed to do that.

Focusing has been very difficult. Not practicing deliberately today. It might truly be an issue on lack of sleep.

I'm going to rerun brain evolution as well. Which might help, if I do it properly this time (I.e not surf the web while doing it

[Ampersnd]

Stage 6, Day 27,

I believe that I've becoming increasingly conservative in political opinion, and I'm having a difficulty in reconciling how I will approach my goals and my life with a new road map that substitutes my older one.

I also realize how much I've been a dipshit. Of course, I was 19-21, and thought I knew it all. I keep realizing that I can learn more, but I wonder what I should learn 'more of', if I'll enjoy learning these things, and if I'll be rewarded appropriately for learning these things.

Much like the last run, I've experienced a sense of angst in stage 6 that turns me inward and has me questioning the state of the world. I'm watching a lot of opinionated videos from Captain Capitalism, the smooth logical approach from Milo Yannopoulis, and revisited the MTGOW (or however it's spelled) concept. Being in the middle of Freud's "Civilization and its Discontents" isn't helping either, as I believe that I'm subconsciously seeking out a roadmap to reality, and how the world 'really works'.

This includes having thought experiments that would make the average person have a knee jerk reaction from social programming. Not sure if I want to post any here. I am an INTJ (as I found out a few weeks ago), I do have an emotional investment in my opinions, but I'm still personally not learn'ed enough in logic to back them up 100% of the time, which I really should be doing. Plus, they're changing a lot, which means that I feel like that snowman in the snowglobe, with snow particles flying all around it.

I even hear myself affirming, with some conviction, a dialectical statement that I've heard some hardcore political figure say in the past. A few years ago, I would have simply cast it to the side, thinking that he's simply wrong for not being xx. Now, I understand the logic behind it, and can understand how someone can think that way, and not be completely evil..

Anyways, Stage 6 doesn't ease on the pressure; I think it really pushes you until the very end.

It's 11pm, and I'm tired and can't focus. Sleep soon. I will finish the subliminal the same day that I present my cumulative case study.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 6, Day 29,

I'll be able to do new subs, PSTEC, and Brain Ev in 3 days.

[Ampersnd]

1st run of AM6; but I've done AM5 last year. I'm going to avoid doing a 2nd run of AM6, and do other subs instead.

[Ampersnd]

Stage 6, Day 30,

Is it weird that I feel rage about 'the way things are' near the end of this set?

[ffaux]

It's a bit of s signal that you should be doing another run

[Ampersnd]

Maybe I could clarify..
About how other people are, human nature, and social dynamics.

Not quite about 'where I am in my life'

[Ampersnd]

Ridiculous. My mind is racing, I can't sleep.
My thoughts are very vindictive, and i logically know that im better off without them.

Hoping I have a breakthrough before the end of day 32

[Ampersnd]

It's subconscious resistance to the subliminal

[Ampersnd]

Incredible. Today, I woke up clear headed. The thoughts were there every so ofter, but they were only 1/2 the 'volume' of what they were originally.

The resistance is mostly overpowered, I would say.

[Ampersnd]

Last night of AM6. Will write a more detailed post within the week.
Will also try to make a YouTube video