Alpha Male report

[kimel]

Hey there
I also wanted to share my experience with AM5 so far.
I´m working at Alpha male 5 and I´m in the end of stage 2. After stage one I felt fine, a better man than I was before, felt more handsome and have great expectations for the future.
Then I started with stage 2, I believe that this one stage 2 is one of the most tough thing I ever done. I have been so damn tired, that I almost didn´t even have any energy left over to my work. I felt like I was unable to think any single thought, my brain didn´t want to start up the machinery, this has been going one for almost a week. One day at work I sneaked out to the restroom and lay down I saw myself sitting at the top of at pile of broken cut paper, I thought that the broken pile of paper was my old script and nothing new have replaced the old one. I can add that I had a divorce for one year ago after 20 year of marriage and I´m still not fine with that, but that's life, I´m getting through it and I have a nice girlfriend now. I also been working with the special meditations at the same time, I can`t find that it would matter, or?
Now I have some time of and going to make the best use of it.
Well anyway, I just wanted to give some report on my progress and comments are welcome :-)
Wish you all a good progress and prosperity :-)
Kimel

[TheGraduate]

Sounds like it's working well for you.

[kimel]

Sounds like it's working well for you.

Thank you I guess you´re right. This two day I have taken it very slowly and have sleep a lot, and that seems to help. It so damn exciting, one never know whats going to happen. Well I will write later on when something new comes up.

[TheGraduate]

There will be ups and downs but sounds like you'll do fine. Just try and go out and socialize once a week throughout the program so you stay socialized. It will make your experience better and will keep you from spending too much time alone.

[kimel]

I appreciate your advice, thank you.
I´m from Sweden so I have some problem with the language, its hard for me to express emotions in English. And I have come to a state of non emotion and my thoughts are changing so I don't feel any force behind my words, little like being in a limbo land.
But that must be good, I think

[kimel]

Seven days remain at stage two.
Today I received a very rewarding insight, as I looked out over a magnificent sea and a beautiful nature. But it all started when I saw a movie where a father said to his daughter's fiancé: that just because you are angry and hate life, I do not want you to infect my daughter with your anger.

On the way down to the ocean so I thought that I don`t hate life anymore, I should not be angry anymore, should not, but still I felt the anger inside me and knew it was mine since childhood. As I sat and looked out over the magnificent scenery, I thought that there is no hatred here and no anger either. Here was the only beauty and power of nature. So why, did I carried all this anger within me, as it was so beautiful around me? Yes it should come from maltreatment in childhood by parents and different people who had left deep traces in me. But now that I'm grownup for so long time I should understand why I was run over occasionally and stop feel any bitterness to it, after all people do what they believe benefits them most and sometimes you stand in their way and gets run over. In nature, maybe the rabbit sees the fox as a devil, because the fox is who he is, that feeds on rabbits and feed their young with rabbits. Same thing with people, we are so different, have different motivations in life, but all driven by something and act in a way that promotes their survival best, and in this way so we all evolve.
THEN I wondered why I was angry, really,because I also ran over people who stood in the way for me. So I began to realize what I did wrong. For if a person did something mean to me, we say slandered me in front of work colleagues, and I get out there and get hurt and think that now I have to give back in the same way and starts to malign him to give back, that's pretty natural to give back the same way that you yourself got shit. But this gets it wrong, for what it is, is that I'm hurt and has not seen after my wounds instead I want to hurt him back. Imagine then if I could just heal all my wounds, and learn how to take care of myself, heal my mental wounds, instead of just thinking about revenge. For vengeance is hugely energy consuming, it's hard to think of something else, so there`s no energy left to heal my psychological wounds. But if I do not care to take revenge, and puts all its energy to heal my mental wounds, then I believe that I can certainly heal them too. Suddenly I began to realize what a huge relief that is, if you can heal yourself, then you never need be hurt anymore. On the contrary, I could enjoy being maligned, because then I could understand that the person who talking bad of me is really scared, I've got the power and he has the gossip, if I remain untouched, I will win a hundred times over if I can heal myself. So it comes back to "know yourself and you will achieve freedom," then you know how to manage your own wounds. Started to realize that life can be wonderful despite every reason why it should not be so, such as greed and environmental destruction and famine. I believe that man is so amazing that she would not put himself in a situation where she starves if she were not brainwashed or have a special purpose, now I exaggerate but I think it could be so.
Tiresome with insights, but I probably would have never gotten it if I had not listened to AM5. Thanks Shannon, you should know that I believe in your material.