09-24-2014, 12:45 PM
(09-24-2014, 03:57 AM)Ricardo Wrote: Sounds like a touch of resistance / subconscious fear of being a man magnet. I've had dreams of not being in control doing AM but they do go away if you just plough through.
My demon didn't possess me this night
So I am quite convinced it was just a bad dream... and yes, I think SM goes against a lot of my beliefs which are holding me back in the freedom I could experience in my relationship with guys. So that would be a good explanation. Don't know if this is the true reason behind this dream, but nobody will ever know, so I'll take it 
DAY 4
Point 1
Feeling like I need to speak to people. Trying to push me doesn't help, it's like the structure of my life is holding me from meeting new people.
For example: I have a friend who I am spending my whole time with because we are in the same faculty. What happens is that we always sit next to each other, but doing so, I close my opportunity to meet new people.
So what I need to do is tell her that I want to sit next to new people... but I need to say that to her in a way that will make her not feel bad (she's very very sensitive)...
But I need to meet new people, I feel it.
Point 2
Neediness at it's best. Have spotted a few gay guys in my year (we're like 400 people!... and only 5-6 gays from what I know
). I was sitting on the row just before where one of those guys was sitting and I was always thinking about "What can I do to please him? What can I do so that he finds me attractive? etc."It's very annoying! This is one of the reasons I am running SM, this neediness is driving me crazy. It's like me shouting "Look at meee.... pleaaasee..... be attracted by me......"
Point 3
Sex drive. Wow! That's all I can say. It's becoming stronger and stronger. I'm starting to imagine what I could do with some guys in my class... pretty intense sex. Making me semi-hard in class, and with skinny jeans well it does show up if you know where to look
But that's pretty nice, I can feel that this sex drive can be sent outside of my body, like a sex glow surrounding me. It's not a very intense glow atm but I can tell you that only at day 4, sex drive is quite high compared to where it was before! I'm wondering how it will feel like at the end of this stage... pretty awesome!
That's all for today, have a nice day
-Adri
