11-25-2013, 08:22 AM
(This post was last modified: 11-25-2013, 08:25 AM by AlphaScorpio.)
I can definitely see how cutting ties with some people helps you grow, I have cut down seeing my old friend ed, who used to laugh and poke fun about my ED with that girl. I don't see him anymore, talk to him on facebook every now and then, but I feel better for it. He was definitely a toxic person.
I'd like to be out more, you know the thing that really pisses me off and confuses me? It's that when I go out for a long time usually to see friends and I go out over a period of a few days, sometimes I spend the whole weekend over seeing friends and hardly see my family they suddenly get pissy, especially my mum she starts saying how I'm never around and I reject the family etc. but when I am at home all I get is shit, and all they get is shit so what's the deal with that? what exactly are you missing by me staying out of this nasty environment?
You're damn right home is toxic, I'm starting to see things differently, It's amazing how much shame and fear distorts your perception of reality, I just got told "What do you thinks gonna happen when you read that book" (No more mr. nice guy) by my sister in a provocative undertone. I replying with I'm not sure exactly, Hopefully I'll be able to get rid of some unhealthy behaviors. Mum then said YOUR PERCEPTION IS ODD BLAH BLAH BLAH. I was thinking wow, if my perception was odd I'd still be believing everything that came out of your mouth.
I had a thought yesterday about parents. They bring you up, raise you and look after you (in healthy families at least) but they basically teach you to be just like them, in my case it was "Being nice and pleasant to everyone, respect women" "Don't do drugs or smoke or watch porn these are all very bad for you" "Read the bible" "Don't have sex before marriage" etc. etc. I used to hear my parents say countless times "We love you just who you are Dan" well I found that when you stop conforming and stop wanting to be like them and start challenging them on their opinions and ideas, they suddenly seem to loose that "We love you just who you are" vibe and get angry. The ironic thing is, my dad says he wants me to be mature and independent, I ask him to put all my birthday money that I was given into my online bank account because its mine and I'm allowed to do whatever I'd like with it. He then suddenly moans and starts patronizing me about wasting money? lol how can I be independent if I'm dependent on you for telling me what to spend my money on?
anyways, I didn't get so bottled up after the argument, I did get angry but I don't feel too angry now,just reflecting.
I am pretty damn excited for AM6 but I'm going to approach it in a more patient way this time, I'm also going to take into consideration the negative emotions that I experience and put them into practice with my new found courage!
I'm gonna take the dog out for a walk laters!
I'd like to be out more, you know the thing that really pisses me off and confuses me? It's that when I go out for a long time usually to see friends and I go out over a period of a few days, sometimes I spend the whole weekend over seeing friends and hardly see my family they suddenly get pissy, especially my mum she starts saying how I'm never around and I reject the family etc. but when I am at home all I get is shit, and all they get is shit so what's the deal with that? what exactly are you missing by me staying out of this nasty environment?
You're damn right home is toxic, I'm starting to see things differently, It's amazing how much shame and fear distorts your perception of reality, I just got told "What do you thinks gonna happen when you read that book" (No more mr. nice guy) by my sister in a provocative undertone. I replying with I'm not sure exactly, Hopefully I'll be able to get rid of some unhealthy behaviors. Mum then said YOUR PERCEPTION IS ODD BLAH BLAH BLAH. I was thinking wow, if my perception was odd I'd still be believing everything that came out of your mouth.
I had a thought yesterday about parents. They bring you up, raise you and look after you (in healthy families at least) but they basically teach you to be just like them, in my case it was "Being nice and pleasant to everyone, respect women" "Don't do drugs or smoke or watch porn these are all very bad for you" "Read the bible" "Don't have sex before marriage" etc. etc. I used to hear my parents say countless times "We love you just who you are Dan" well I found that when you stop conforming and stop wanting to be like them and start challenging them on their opinions and ideas, they suddenly seem to loose that "We love you just who you are" vibe and get angry. The ironic thing is, my dad says he wants me to be mature and independent, I ask him to put all my birthday money that I was given into my online bank account because its mine and I'm allowed to do whatever I'd like with it. He then suddenly moans and starts patronizing me about wasting money? lol how can I be independent if I'm dependent on you for telling me what to spend my money on?
anyways, I didn't get so bottled up after the argument, I did get angry but I don't feel too angry now,just reflecting.
I am pretty damn excited for AM6 but I'm going to approach it in a more patient way this time, I'm also going to take into consideration the negative emotions that I experience and put them into practice with my new found courage!
I'm gonna take the dog out for a walk laters!
