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Title: AM6 V
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#43
Met with an old friend. I don't have friends in this small town since they all left after we graduated from High School.

I'm not particularly lonely, but reminded me what it's like to have a friend I can have a real conversation with and not feel apathy.

Commented that since we last met I seem like I'm a year and a half older (last time we met was briefly a couple months ago). Seems I'm growing and maturing without my knowledge.

Weening myself off of anti anxiety medication. I hope to come off medication in the near future. My mental health is more stable than ever.

I purchased MLS and will be using it next.
 
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#44
Had a dream where I resisted one of my usually disturbing dreams and it was refreshing.

Just realized that I've gone 9 days on lowered medication and still in tip top shape. Actually I'm even getting better thanks to AM6. Usually after 1 or two days I have a bounce back and have to compensate due to anxiety. Proud of myself.

You know I haven't mentioned this in detail, but all the confusion and shit is dealt with pretty well by myself nowadays. I've learned how to push back against my illness and in the process am learning more about myself and my own power. I've become wiser, more mature, and stronger.

I'm hoping for a full recovery. It isn't as uncommon as people think.

I'm excited beyond belief for MLS. Should start affecting me around stage 6 of AM6 due to P6 as I only plan on taking a 3 day break after I finish Alpha Male.

Yet for some reason I feel like it's been affecting me for at least a month already and could've sworn it. But who knows.

Btw. Schizophrenia is widely believed to come from a lack of synaptic pruning at a crucial time in someone's life. Basically it means your brain has too many neural pathways and that's what makes you ill. Maybe the brain altering stuff in MLS can help. Not to mention body healing from MHS or LTU.
 
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#45
Btw: is it just me or does the forum seem strangely less active than I'm used to?
 
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#46
yes, I have the same impression. Remember not so long ago, some users have been banned.

Those banned people, despite their issues, were prolific posters which was keeping the forum very active.

Oh well, I still journal and I mostly do it for myself. It documents my own journey and my changes.
 
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#47
Lots of depression, anger, and apathy. Well, I dealt with the depression like a champ. The anger was mostly BECAUSE I was apathetic.

Today I feel strangely good.

Today's day 28 of Stage 5.

TBH, feels like I'm on my deathbed. Has helped me come to terms with a lot of things. Like that old guy who's gonna die but has excepted it and chooses to live with a new take on life.

Lots of strange things happening to me that I can't explain. Lots of lessons that could fill a book. Lots of willpower and resentment.

I have many things I want to do, many subs to choose from. But money takes priority. Ironically I bought MLS instead of holding on to my money cause I'm terrible at holding onto money and waiting and then UMS is coming out right as I'm almost finished with AM6. Should've held on to my money. Oof.

Basically my plan is to make money so I have room to focus on other areas of my life. Money is the most urgent.

MLS>UMS>BASE>LTU

P.S MLS TID should be affecting me in about 4-5 days max.
 
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#48
Just started stage 6.

Last push.
 
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#49
Just had a dream I was watching the planets in the sky pass by. First I saw mars, it was relatively small, about the size of the moon. Then I saw Jupiter- it was massive; and a little planet- Venus, passing by as well. They were sharing the sky.

Then my attention focused on Jupiter and I felt it. It was the feeling of wisdom and understanding as well as detached benevolence. I woke up and researched to find that Jupiter is just entering Scorpio where my Venus is placed. Haven't been concerned with astrology in a while and found this coincidence amusing.

As an aside, awhile back I had a dream about Saturn in the sky. It was huge. It was emanating a booming low vibration. It felt ominous and I was afraid.

P.S I feel something in my life changing. I don't know what it is but there will be a major shift in my life coming soon.
 
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#50
Don't know if it's resistance or what.

I've been lowering my anti anxiety medication for awhile now and finally started to lower it to only half a pill a day versus the 2-3 pills a day I used to take. I was doing fine. In fact, my sex drive suddenly came back in full force. The only problem is that after a few days I had a mini episode and had to go back to 1 pill a day.

I've been so f-ing needy and validation seeking. Whenever I try to break out I get all negative and snarky. I feel like a kid again where the littlest thing hurts my feelings.

Wish I could keep doing AM6, but I gotta start making money. I can't get a job around here so I have to look into other avenues. I'm running MLS until I save up for UMS. It's weird cause I keep feeling like I'm getting TID from one or the other, but maybe it's in my head, because there's no way I'm gonna be able to afford UMS for at least 2-3 months maybe longer.
 
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#51
Day 26 - only 6 more days to go, a two day break, then I'm onto MLS.

Had my first zombie dream in forever. Strange thing was that it was just at the end, and I wasn't the one chased, in fact it was like a game and I was at the top of the leader-boards, but I was worrying about others. I actually felt loss when I thought a boy I knew in the dream died. Another time a mother and child barely escaped by climbing a building.

Another part of the dream was I was outside and trying to keep all the neighbor's kids away from my lawn. Then halfway through we moved across the street and they came less. But one kid came and I screamed at him hysterically to leave but he wouldn't. Had to get closer to get him to leave.
 
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#52
That dream seems to be the catalyst because now I'm coming upon a rough spot. Lots of fear and how I try to use anger to pretend like I'm not afraid and if I can keep my "yard" empty, then I can pretend like I was never afraid in the first place.

I definitely need more AM6 and wish I had the leisure to keep running it, but I've gotta start taking care of monetary concerns.
 
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#53
How about using DMSI for dealing with the fear?
 
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#54
Hey man it's been awhile since I've talked with you.

I won't run DMSI. I need to make money right now. So first MLS, then UMS when I get the money. But if I had a choice I'd probably just run AM6 again, or LTU, if I had the money.


MLS TID is definitely affecting me and it started becoming obvious since yesterday.
 
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#55
As someone who has ran DMSI, and now UMS, I have a strong instinctual hunch that having a woman by your side is a side effect of being in wealth. Maybe bleeds over still, but can see myself with a hb at the oscars lol. Including the lightshow.
 
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#56
Women and wealth have a connection, but not in the way most people think. I've been thinking lately how money would influence me.


Been having lots of ups and downs as I near the end. Currently on an up. Before I had issues coming up I hadn't had for a very long time. Somehow I seem to have gained a little bit more manliness in my demeanor.

2 more days till the end of this chapter of AM6. Two days of rest after that and I'm finally running something other than AM6 after 3 consecutive runs.

To simplify my results, AM6 has impacted my maturity.

AM6 was my pillar in what I would call one of the darkest periods in my life.
 
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