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Title: AM6 V
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#1
Hey guys been awhile. Doing SM3. Just starting today. We'll see how it goes. Good to be back.

Edit: Did 1 hour of SM3 and it brought up unpleasant things. Doing AM6 again. Round 5 of AM6.

Stage 1 Day 0

Start stage 2: February 27
 
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#2
At the end of stage 6 of my last run I felt like I had been purified in some sense. I felt like I was glowing faintly. Took a two day break then did E2 for 9 days, switched to MHS on a whim today then SM3, then quickly fell into introspection and realized AM6 is the most solid option for me. E2 really took care of some of that resentment AM6 stirred up.

Currently doing a lot better. As long as I stay isolated and be careful my mental state is for the most point good. Been slowly climbing up and being a bit more productive. Started learning japanese but have taken a break until it starts becoming fun again. Still unable to work. Haven't had a panic attack since the almost 5 months I moved out from my mom's but whenever my mom comes over I get really close so I stay away from her. But for the most part I'm happy and comfortable and can live a normal comfortable life.

I mostly read all day. Japanese light novels. Really the books at the library are so boring so I turned to Japanese books and have no trouble finding book after book that catches my interest.
 
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#3
Good deal. Woke up feeling good for my first day. No disturbing dreams. It's not that I have nightmares. I haven't had a nightmare in half a year. But the disturbing dreams happen to me almost everyday. Glad tonight wasn't one.

Feeling good about my first day of alpha male.
 
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#4
Shifts in mindset. REALLY deep dream this morning. Don't feel like shit. That's good. Already feeling the effects.
 
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#5
You know how sometimes you wake up feeling good from a sub then the bullshit slowly creeps in as you wake up more and more? I just woke up having had something of an ENORMOUS sudden change. Then poof its gone. It's like I was in a state of good will, happiness, and, for lack of a better word, FAITH without an external source. No rule 5 or 9 or whatever its not affiliated with anything. It's just a word I use.

I can feel something good from this run. Something different. I had a hunch, but alpha male is showing me a big difference than any other run before. The road to being worthy of happiness.

Huh, kinda cliche but it's the 5th run and it feels like I'm breaking through a wall into a part of alpha male I haven't heard anyone talk about on this forum yet. It's always about girls or body language or pain or anger or frustration or conflict. Wow AM6 is showing me exactly what I was hoping was hidden there.

Btw I've been having less and less interest in women for a LONG time. In a good way. Caring more and more whats on the inside. Becoming almost irrational in all of my standards. I'm even to the extreme that I won't have kids unless the partner is up to my standards. Life partner same. I don't want a harem anymore. I want one woman in the long run. Content with being single the rest of my life even if the type of girl I want doesn't show up. Maturity is evolving.

But for me the most important quality for a girl is... kindness. Not physical attractiveness.

My reading is catching up to me. I never thought it would be having such an enormous impact but low and behold the guy shutting himself in reading books is learning wisdom from FANTASY BOOKS.

Anyways just in a good mood from being shown this tidbit when I woke up of whats to come. AM6. That's all I gotta say.

Btw I'm kinda jealous of my roomate who is a lot less affected negatively by alpha male than I was my first run. I went through hell and its like he only has to suffer a few burns. Reminds me how low I started from.

Cheers to all my friends who are still here to read this who are from 2015. It's been awhile but it's a little sad nobody's around anymore. Don't care if we knew each other, hated each other or what. Just glad you were all there.

Btw my philosophy is rapidly transforming like its molting multiple times.

Oh yeah and to show a bad side. My mom is my achiles heel right now. Whenever I'm around her I explode into anger. WITHOUT FAIL. Haven't had a panic attack for the 5 months I've moved away from her vs the whole fucking year where I had them pretty much daily with her and her stupid boyfriend.

Hope to show you guys more.
 
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#6
Existential probelms arisisng. What's the point of living? I'm going to suffer. I can't change anything. Why why why why why. Depression. Then woke up and... boom. Optimistic and laughing at myself like what the fuck have I been thinking of. Who care's if it's all pointless. I'm HERE NOW. Love that feeling of being who I am. It's almost like I'm accessing my past self... it's weird. Like I'm taking my birthright. It's not like I'm rising up from nothing it's like I'm retrieving what I've already had and done before, that I deserve what's happening because it's already mine. Main problem is frustration.

Right I remember I book I read recently and one of the people had a title "king in a king-less world". Kinda feels like that. If you can make any sense of that. Seriously I can't describe the feeling like I'm accessing an old self. I feel like that old guy with a beard that is like gandalf and who seemingly knows everything and who you know you can rely on except one filled with more vigor and optimism. Like if the worlds ending and he just laughs at you with a knowing smile and you know that everything's gonna be okay.

Btw shout out to my late uncle john. Only family member I ever consider real family. Kindest person I've ever met. Ironically I think I have a similar motivation for suicide that he had. But I'm obviously not gonna commit suicide but there is that feeling. Subconscious... you make no sense whats the point of committing suicide to protect your shitty beliefs out of survival instinct... by killing yourself?
 
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#7
Btw just want to say this... Never had a wet dream in my life, never thought I'd have one... but right after I finished my last AM6 run had one... and my roomate had two. Lol SM3 lead in. Btw my roomate belives in subs now even though he didn't when I first moved in. He's like me I haven't had a libido for a whole year and it's back and he hadn't had his for a long time and his is back too.
 
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#8
Increase in libido still? It's kinda good even if its just the after effects of the previous run's sm3 lead in but I'm glad my libido is back a little.

Turning inwards. Focusing on more spiritual like self improvement. Of course not like meditation or anything. Just instead of running circles in my mind I ponder on and strive for knowledge and strength. Purity is a big focus. Along with balanced cynicism.

The longer I run AM6 the more I feel truly alone. But not lonely. It's sad but the only person I can truly rely on is myself.

It's so weird the other day I noticed a change that had slipped past me and I haven't known this whole time and I don't know how long this issue has been fixed but... damn. Just makes me wonder how much I'm changing and don't realize it because it always seems like I have obstacles to overcome.
 
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#9
Wow men i thought that i was the only one wich experienced the increase of libido, in my case was absolutely a mess, i couldn't stop thinking in any apart from sex. Now i'm in the middle of the third stage, and thank god my libido has been controlled and now is normal.
 
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#10
Yeah idk if it was just the SM3 lead in from last run... raised testosterone maybe? I know that stress and fear played a big part in my lack of libido this last year so maybe it's just naturally raising since I've been getting better.
 
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#11
Reality's a scam. Once you chose pleasure you now have to experience pain. You cannot chose one or the other. This is reality. It's all pointless, meaningless. Not in a meaningless, emotions, cynical way. Literally all life is is an illusion. I really don't get the point. Sure the buddhists are right if you get attached to anything you automatically are attached to the other and can't escape either. But what's the point? Even if you don't chose either then there's just nothing.

All this came after a deep dream. Right now I'm infected by greed and envy my two biggest problems and ugliest shadow issues right now.

My life goal is pointless and by nature is impossible. I wanted an indomitable spirit/will. Impossible. Yin and yang. Every action has a reaction. The only thing that's invincible is nothing (and technically isn't invincible because it doesn't exist in the first place). And what's the point of oblivion anyways? But then what's the point of living?

Everything feels futile. Not in a depressing way. But in a... "this is just what it is" way?

Lol I don't get buddhism cause apparently if you give up pleasure and pain then you're supposed to feel really good or something but that doesn't make sense cause then that can just be taken away too.

Of course never experienced enlightenment. And still seeking for truths.
 
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#12
I question never having fear anymore. To know death is to know life. To know fear is to know love. I don't know what will happen if there is no fear and only love. But I know that right now it is impossible for me not to use subliminals because I know they exist.

Apperently aliens still feel fear. I wonder why that is. For sure they are a lot more advanced than us and obviously have the capacity to take it away from themselves. But they don't. I think it has to do with the fact that as we evolve we don't lose our fear, we overcome it. Just like how courage isn't the absence of fear it is the choice to do something despite it. Our prefrontal cortex is what allows us to do things even when afraid. What if it became more developed. But I don't know. Maybe if it's a mistake I can pass it along to future generations after I achieve what these subliminals are trying to achieve. Or maybe I won't because I won't feel fear or urgency.
 
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#13
(02-11-2019, 07:34 AM)Frosted Wrote: Reality's a scam. Once you chose pleasure you now have to experience pain. You cannot chose one or the other. This is reality. It's all pointless, meaningless. Not in a meaningless, emotions, cynical way. Literally all life is is an illusion. I really don't get the point. Sure the buddhists are right if you get attached to anything you automatically are attached to the other and can't escape either. But what's the point? Even if you don't chose either then there's just nothing.

All this came after a deep dream. Right now I'm infected by greed and envy my two biggest problems and ugliest shadow issues right now.

My life goal is pointless and by nature is impossible. I wanted an indomitable spirit/will. Impossible. Yin and yang. Every action has a reaction. The only thing that's invincible is nothing (and technically isn't invincible because it doesn't exist in the first place). And what's the point of oblivion anyways? But then what's the point of living?

Everything feels futile. Not in a depressing way. But in a... "this is just what it is" way?

Lol I don't get buddhism cause apparently if you give up pleasure and pain then you're supposed to feel really good or something but that doesn't make sense cause then that can just be taken away too.

Of course never experienced enlightenment. And still seeking for truths.

Buddism isn't about giving up pleasure and pain, it's about learning to not associate with it. To be content without engaging in the constant up and downs of life and your emotional turbulence, but to seek inner serenity and stability. That no one can take away from you. Your ability to stay calm in yourself, isn't something that can be taken away by someone else, if you don't allow it too. To become unaffected or indomitable as you put it, is about finding what drives you on the inside and be guided by that, not to put up pressure about other people's will, because in that way you are always playing someone else's game, rather than finding what drive you. And if you try to force yourself in other peoples games, they will persist (who wouldn't?) or if you overpower them they will repel you in other ways by sease to be with you, talk shit about your back, etc - and you couldn't blame them. True power come from being guided by your inner drives, and that is the only thing that can inspire and empower, rather than creating obedience by fear.

Realize that things are like they are, are a good step into realizing your power. When you can accept things fully and embrace them, you are truly able to affect them. Not by engaging in them, but accepting them, and then putting your perspective on them, without being colored of by how they are. For example, if my mom yell at you for not helping her cleaning the house, and you tell her to f*ck off, then you are engaging in the problem based on how she made you feel. But if you accept that she feel that way, and why, you can understand that what she is really saying is "I feel very bad inside and please help me" and can crack a joke to lighten her up because she just want to be able to enjoy life. Without having the distance to things, you get sucked into problems in a shallow reactive way, if you can keep your distance, you can see the underlying force driving things and adjust to what is most beneficial for all parties, including yourself. And you can have more humor in the face of life.

edit: lol, if my mom is yelling at you you have a bigger problem Lol

(02-14-2019, 08:45 AM)Frosted Wrote: I question never having fear anymore. To know death is to know life. To know fear is to know love. I don't know what will happen if there is no fear and only love. But I know that right now it is impossible for me not to use subliminals because I know they exist.

Apperently aliens still feel fear. I wonder why that is. For sure they are a lot more advanced than us and obviously have the capacity to take it away from themselves. But they don't. I think it has to do with the fact that as we evolve we don't lose our fear, we overcome it. Just like how courage isn't the absence of fear it is the choice to do something despite it. Our prefrontal cortex is what allows us to do things even when afraid. What if it became more developed. But I don't know. Maybe if it's a mistake I can pass it along to future generations after I achieve what these subliminals are trying to achieve. Or maybe I won't because I won't feel fear or urgency.

Apperently? What aliens?
 
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#14
Ah just some stuff I read. Apperently aliens feel fear though not like us. Or maybe not, who knows how accurate that stuff is.

And what about your mom?
 
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