A bit of background first…
I used EHPRA (free version) after losing my dad to a sudden cardiac arrest. I'd always meant to write a testimonial, but life got in the way, especially after I jumped to UMS v2, which I had pre-ordered back in the day. Still, thank you for that sub, Shannon. It possibly saved me from things I can't even name.
I understand the irony of praising one sub for saving my sanity while expecting more from another. I did complete a full run of UMS v2 just a couple of weeks ago. I didn't earn a single dollar, but I'm not sure that's the right yardstick for measuring its impact even it is. I made tremendous progress in terms of skill development, to the point where I genuinely believe I could command serious money. That said, I'm aware of the resistance mechanisms holding me back:
I do believe that with enough persistence, I'd eventually push through the resistance. But there are specific reasons why AAMTS v7 Stage 0 felt like a far better fit right now.
5.75.7 vs. 6G - It's not even a competition. Honestly, I'd take lesser tech if the program served my needs better, and Stage 0 does exactly that. For what it's worth, I have no interest in being an "alpha male." I don't even believe in that concept anymore. But that doesn't excuse living a sub-standard life. Having no financial independence is emasculating, especially at my age, and Stage 0 works directly on that.
Ideally, I'd love to focus more on healing. During Stage 4 of UMS, I was eyeing PRA, but I can't afford to prioritize healing over income right now. My survival technically isn't tied to my finances, but experientially, it feels like survival. So the core focus has to stay on becoming a financially capable man. And from both that angle and the healing angle, Stage 0 is a near-perfect fit.
That said, subscribing to it felt more like desperation than strategy, and in hindsight, I'm not sure it was the wisest move when I could've simply returned to UMS v2. I genuinely don't know if I can afford to continue it next month. Most likely not. I won't moan about the price, but affording a subscription like this is a real challenge when you're a man with financial difficulties living outside the Western world. It is what it is. I'll take a short break and return to UMS v2 if it comes to that.
What I can say is that I'm genuinely pleased with what's happened in just three days.
The very first day, I cleaned out every empty alcohol bottle I'd been hiding in my room and reorganized my cupboards. The next day, I drove all the way out to throw the junk away. I haven't had a single desire to drink since. No urge toward porn or masturbation either, though I won't read too much into that, since I've had stretches like this before and old patterns have a way of creeping back. I'll stay conscious of my choices and let it unfold.
I also started working out. Not because I sat down and decided to work out. It was more like, "Alright, what do I do next? I could work out. Yeah, why not?" That's the thing. My radar is now quietly tuned to action. There's no grand internal debate, no paralysis. Just a natural, almost automatic sense of what comes next and then doing it. The intention-action gap that used to swallow me whole seems to be closing. That's part of what made me start this journal too. It's not restless, frantic energy. It's quieter and more grounded than that, but it's there.
And the sleep. I am sleeping deeply so far, the kind of sleep that feels like it stretches on forever. I didn't realize how much I'd been missing it until it came back.
The crippling shame I'd been carrying for days before starting? Gone, or at least quieted. And honestly, I still feel like doing more. I'm almost running out of things to check off.
It's early days. I've learned that skepticism doesn't serve me here, but neither does expecting the world. All I can do is see what unfolds.
I could frame it as "Full focus. Money or die." But I don't want to fall into the trap of overworking myself into a crash. Maybe slow and steady doesn't always win the race. But steady does.
I used EHPRA (free version) after losing my dad to a sudden cardiac arrest. I'd always meant to write a testimonial, but life got in the way, especially after I jumped to UMS v2, which I had pre-ordered back in the day. Still, thank you for that sub, Shannon. It possibly saved me from things I can't even name.
I understand the irony of praising one sub for saving my sanity while expecting more from another. I did complete a full run of UMS v2 just a couple of weeks ago. I didn't earn a single dollar, but I'm not sure that's the right yardstick for measuring its impact even it is. I made tremendous progress in terms of skill development, to the point where I genuinely believe I could command serious money. That said, I'm aware of the resistance mechanisms holding me back:
- No Feedback Loop - Even if I learned something, I had no concrete way to verify it. Progress felt invisible.
- Analysis Paralysis - I doubted everything. What should've taken an hour consumed the entire day. I pressure-tested every decision to the extreme. I knew it was analysis paralysis, but awareness alone didn't break the loop.
- Cognitive Dissonance - Some days, I felt absolutely ridiculous for having nothing in my account. Laughable, even. But reality had a way of dragging me back down before I could rise above it.
- Urgency - I always felt like I needed the money yesterday. That pressure compounded everything and, paradoxically, paralyzed me further.
- Paper Walls - I could map the terrain perfectly. Taking the first step? That's where it fell apart. Logically, I knew there was nothing to fear. And yet, no. This is where the intention-action gap hit hardest. I could intend all day long, but the bridge between knowing and doing simply wasn't there.
- High Standards - I probably ought to just get a job. But I live in a country where most employees are treated as expendable labor for sub-standard wages. Since my survival isn't tied to money so much as my dignity is, I'd rather take a shot at doing this on my own than grind long hours for a few hundred dollars with no time left for my actual dream.
I do believe that with enough persistence, I'd eventually push through the resistance. But there are specific reasons why AAMTS v7 Stage 0 felt like a far better fit right now.
5.75.7 vs. 6G - It's not even a competition. Honestly, I'd take lesser tech if the program served my needs better, and Stage 0 does exactly that. For what it's worth, I have no interest in being an "alpha male." I don't even believe in that concept anymore. But that doesn't excuse living a sub-standard life. Having no financial independence is emasculating, especially at my age, and Stage 0 works directly on that.
Ideally, I'd love to focus more on healing. During Stage 4 of UMS, I was eyeing PRA, but I can't afford to prioritize healing over income right now. My survival technically isn't tied to my finances, but experientially, it feels like survival. So the core focus has to stay on becoming a financially capable man. And from both that angle and the healing angle, Stage 0 is a near-perfect fit.
That said, subscribing to it felt more like desperation than strategy, and in hindsight, I'm not sure it was the wisest move when I could've simply returned to UMS v2. I genuinely don't know if I can afford to continue it next month. Most likely not. I won't moan about the price, but affording a subscription like this is a real challenge when you're a man with financial difficulties living outside the Western world. It is what it is. I'll take a short break and return to UMS v2 if it comes to that.
What I can say is that I'm genuinely pleased with what's happened in just three days.
The very first day, I cleaned out every empty alcohol bottle I'd been hiding in my room and reorganized my cupboards. The next day, I drove all the way out to throw the junk away. I haven't had a single desire to drink since. No urge toward porn or masturbation either, though I won't read too much into that, since I've had stretches like this before and old patterns have a way of creeping back. I'll stay conscious of my choices and let it unfold.
I also started working out. Not because I sat down and decided to work out. It was more like, "Alright, what do I do next? I could work out. Yeah, why not?" That's the thing. My radar is now quietly tuned to action. There's no grand internal debate, no paralysis. Just a natural, almost automatic sense of what comes next and then doing it. The intention-action gap that used to swallow me whole seems to be closing. That's part of what made me start this journal too. It's not restless, frantic energy. It's quieter and more grounded than that, but it's there.
And the sleep. I am sleeping deeply so far, the kind of sleep that feels like it stretches on forever. I didn't realize how much I'd been missing it until it came back.
The crippling shame I'd been carrying for days before starting? Gone, or at least quieted. And honestly, I still feel like doing more. I'm almost running out of things to check off.
It's early days. I've learned that skepticism doesn't serve me here, but neither does expecting the world. All I can do is see what unfolds.
I could frame it as "Full focus. Money or die." But I don't want to fall into the trap of overworking myself into a crash. Maybe slow and steady doesn't always win the race. But steady does.
