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DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
12-16-2016, 10:02 AM
Post: #1
DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Disclaimer: I'm on a bevy of medications. Wellbutrin - Trazodone - Seroquel. These may or may not alter my results.

I am also in the beginning stages of EMDR therapy - currently processing past history and may begin actual therapy sometime in 2017.

The Goings On Since Deleting My Journal:

The most significant thing is I've become more assertive.

It recently came to my attention that the therapist I'm required to see as part of my program has been breaking confidentiality regularly and I've decided to take action against her in the form of a HIPAA complaint or a lawsuit.

The goal is for her to lose her license.

These actions may result in me being homeless, which I know confidently that I can handle. I may even put in my 30 days to leave notice and just bounce and sleep in my car. I know I can handle the outside world and work through whatever challenges come my way. There seems to be some core confidence that I lost in the past that I've regained. I've had that core confidence since early 2015 - a side effect of my one run through of AM6. All my actions and thoughts are screaming: "I refuse to be victimized or made helpless." Or simply "**** You!"

My heart is also opening up. It's been closed for several months as a result of back to back to back negative events involving people and situations of high stress. I was getting my best results of DMSI when my heart was wide open. I've resisted working on the heart for a long time because it logically didn't make any sense to me. I learned that sex was just sex -- far removed from any notions of emotions, connection if the two participants chose to have it that way.

But my life just works better when I'm living with an open heart, and that's what it is.

I'm not getting any IOIs, Tinder Matches or any interest from women so I'm assuming I'm in 100% healing mode.

I am 100% in sync with manifestations at this point though I have thoughts that I won't say out loud and seconds later someone will say it for me. Or I'm just in the right place at the right time to watch something fun or exciting happen.
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Benjamin
12-16-2016, 12:20 PM
Post: #2
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-16-2016 10:02 AM)Bookstacks DC737 Wrote:  Disclaimer: I'm on a bevy of medications. Wellbutrin - Trazodone - Seroquel. These may or may not alter my results.


May? How can they not affect the results? They are chemically forcing your brain to be altered. DMSI is also attempting to alter your brain chemistry, by the way, towards achieving it's goals.

Quote: I am also in the beginning stages of EMDR therapy - currently processing past history and may begin actual therapy sometime in 2017.

The Goings On Since Deleting My Journal:

The most significant thing is I've become more assertive.

It recently came to my attention that the therapist I'm required to see as part of my program has been breaking confidentiality regularly and I've decided to take action against her in the form of a HIPAA complaint or a lawsuit.

The goal is for her to lose her license.

These actions may result in me being homeless, which I know confidently that I can handle. I may even put in my 30 days to leave notice and just bounce and sleep in my car. I know I can handle the outside world and work through whatever challenges come my way. There seems to be some core confidence that I lost in the past that I've regained. I've had that core confidence since early 2015 - a side effect of my one run through of AM6. All my actions and thoughts are screaming: "I refuse to be victimized or made helpless." Or simply "**** You!"

My heart is also opening up. It's been closed for several months as a result of back to back to back negative events involving people and situations of high stress. I was getting my best results of DMSI when my heart was wide open. I've resisted working on the heart for a long time because it logically didn't make any sense to me. I learned that sex was just sex -- far removed from any notions of emotions, connection if the two participants chose to have it that way.

But my life just works better when I'm living with an open heart, and that's what it is.

I'm not getting any IOIs, Tinder Matches or any interest from women so I'm assuming I'm in 100% healing mode.

I am 100% in sync with manifestations at this point though I have thoughts that I won't say out loud and seconds later someone will say it for me. Or I'm just in the right place at the right time to watch something fun or exciting happen.

Why did you delete your past journal?

Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.)
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Bookstacks DC737
12-16-2016, 12:33 PM (This post was last modified: 12-16-2016 12:36 PM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #3
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
I was not aware of DMSI altering brain chemistry to achieve its goals. Taking my medications seem to be the safest bet for me at the moment until my therapy is finished. I can't justify going off my medications and putting my mental health at risk to complete the goals of the subliminal. Granted, I won't get all the results but I'll be getting some, and the healing is nice as well.

I deleted my last journal due to a heavy emotional period + starting EMDR therapy I felt that my results would be far altered compared to the results of everyone else.
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12-16-2016, 12:37 PM
Post: #4
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-16-2016 12:33 PM)Bookstacks DC737 Wrote:  I was not aware of DMSI altering brain chemistry to achieve its goals. Taking my medications seem to be the safest bet for me at the moment until my therapy is finished. I can't justify going off my medications and putting my mental health at risk to complete the goals of the subliminal. Granted, I won't get all the results but I'll be getting some, and the healing is nice as well.

I deleted my last journal due to a heavy emotional period + starting EMDR therapy I felt that my results would be far altered compared to the results of everyone else.

It is a standard feature that 5.5/6G subs alter/optimize brain and body chemistry and activity to achieve their goals.

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The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.)
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12-17-2016, 12:28 AM (This post was last modified: 12-17-2016 12:30 AM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #5
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Hung out with a large group of friends today.

I felt I was getting some attraction from this girl but then it fizzled out.

I was at a holiday party with her last week and she was laughing hard at my stupid jokes, sat by me and leaned in quite a few times. There was one moment today where a few of us were hanging out at my apartment and she asked if I'd gone to see the Christmas festival downtown. She said she had never gone, and wish she had someone to take her...

But... I dropped the ball. It all happened so quickly -- her attention completely turned on me, autopilot activated but then this fear of "is she really asking me out or just being friendly?" and then "what if I say we should go in front of all these people and she was just being friendly?"

We ended up going - 6 of us in total. At first everyone was paired up and we happened to be a pair. As we walked I asked her about her tattoos and she opened up about her past and I felt some deep connection with her but significantly tongue tied. Things were fine when I allowed her to do all the speaking but then I tried to relate to her and things seemed to fizzle out after that.

I have no clue what's going on anymore. I arrived early enough to speak to her and the rest of my friends, which gave me the opportunity to hang out, but the NS/AutoPilot lasted for so little a time Huh Was she a manifestation or am I just reading too far into this.

What. The. ****? Did she think I rejected her? Was she turned off by me opening up to her? Was she even attracted in the first place?

Anyway, I had a great time except I was very insular as always. The weird thing is that everyone i was with was on my wavelength - geeks who have had troubled home lives but in my effort to move forward and years of just feeling outcast for what I like I couldn't bring myself to communicate authentically. I've forgotten how to be me in a sense.

Anyway, enough bitching. Progress is certainly being made.
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Travis
12-17-2016, 12:40 AM
Post: #6
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Sounds like she was interested. Sounds like you're over thinking things.

Give v3 more time to clear, it's beginning to quiet my mind.
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12-17-2016, 10:24 AM (This post was last modified: 12-17-2016 10:24 AM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #7
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Some remnants of last night:

Smoked a cigarette with/from the girl. I only smoke occasionally, less than once a month in total, but since starting DMSI I've been craving cigarettes. And alcohol. I had to go to my apartment office to get my medication and wasn't paranoid about smelling like smoke.

Dream:

I dreamt I was hanging out with a bunch of celebrities from TDE, stars like Schoolboy Q, Kendrick, Jay Rock and Ab-Soul. I was giddy in parts of the dream, jumping on someone's back and being unabashedly energetic but my body/mind was having sensations of fear related to me doing to much, fear that I was misreading the flow of events and would cause myself to get kicked out.

In the next scene I'm on their tour bus, so I guess I didn't do so badly Tongue

One of he members mention how it's hard to **** on the tour bus so they have just one room with curtains around it and a mattress in it for that. They casually mentioned someone was in there right now. Could feel excitement at the prospect of having sex, feelings of shame and guilt leaving because everyone was so casual about it, and then fears of "I could never say or do some shit like this!" or "if I express my sexual excitement they'll laugh at me for being a newbie."

Tl;Dr: celebrity effect. Feeling both sides of being sexual and shame/guilt conditioning ive always had.
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12-17-2016, 11:19 AM
Post: #8
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Craving cigarettes and alcohol is a sign that you're seeking to self medicate something subconscious that scares you to deal with. Avoid the cigarettes and alcohol.

Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.)
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12-17-2016, 12:11 PM
Post: #9
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-17-2016 11:19 AM)Shannon Wrote:  Craving cigarettes and alcohol is a sign that you're seeking to self medicate something subconscious that scares you to deal with. Avoid the cigarettes and alcohol.

Do the cigarettes and alchohol hinder the healing?
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12-17-2016, 12:30 PM
Post: #10
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-17-2016 12:11 PM)Bookstacks DC737 Wrote:  
(12-17-2016 11:19 AM)Shannon Wrote:  Craving cigarettes and alcohol is a sign that you're seeking to self medicate something subconscious that scares you to deal with. Avoid the cigarettes and alcohol.

Do the cigarettes and alchohol hinder the healing?

They're efforts to avoid and escape dealing with what you need to deal with to heal. You can't avoid and escape. You have to deal with and heal.

Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.)
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Zeroxmachina
12-17-2016, 01:03 PM (This post was last modified: 12-17-2016 01:05 PM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #11
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-17-2016 12:30 PM)Shannon Wrote:  
(12-17-2016 12:11 PM)Bookstacks DC737 Wrote:  
(12-17-2016 11:19 AM)Shannon Wrote:  Craving cigarettes and alcohol is a sign that you're seeking to self medicate something subconscious that scares you to deal with. Avoid the cigarettes and alcohol.

Do the cigarettes and alchohol hinder the healing?

They're efforts to avoid and escape dealing with what you need to deal with to heal. You can't avoid and escape. You have to deal with and heal.

Gotcha. I'll put a halt to both activities as long as I'm driven by a craving for such/the remainder of my 30 days on DMSI then re-evaluate.

In other news there's a serious rewiring of my belief systems taking place. I'd usually be happy to blame this on all the darn PUA material I've internalized, but things are the way they are and that energy of blame could be a potent fuel for transformation.

Here's some examples of reworking my belief systems:

Getting my haircut and having a powerful wave of thoughts come over me about how I can't and won't achieve success because I'm introverted and those successful with women are extroverted. Then the two barbers who were there begin discussing how they have a friend who's also extremely introverted but he's well liked. "I thought he was mean, but once you get to know him he's really cool."

Last night in the car one of the two girls I was with was ecastatic about mentioning how skirts and dresses were the best for car sex.

Men have to be the pursuers right? That's the only way for them to get laid, right? Two of my neighbors are now dating each other. She chose him because yeah he's attractive, but she also wanted to be the one to take his virginity. She really liked his meek nature and basically initiated everything.

PUA literature, or at least what I've read of it, will vehemently deny that anything like this could ever take place.

Even with the girl I manifested with E2 I knew how to maintain that relationship naturally, but my mind kept screaming about techniques and models - ignoring the reality at hand.

But it makes a lot of sense if you realize that the majority of PUA is about selling an unrealistic dream to desperate men, that it's a business, and most of the instructors are total losers who base most of their self-esteem on how many women they bang, while doing nothing of any real value.

Oh and I also realized what happened with the girl from last night. I was the one who disconnected.

We were around the Ferris wheel, but I had forgotten my wallet so I asked if she wouldn't mind paying for me and I'd pay her back later. I internally exploded at the request. "She probably thinks I'm a bum or I'm using her." I could feel my internal state shift very quickly and suddenly into one of low value and she responded in kind.

We have a lot to heal it seems. But seeing just glimmers of the effects of DMSI is giving me the energy I need to continue growing past these limitations.
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12-17-2016, 03:24 PM
Post: #12
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Amusingly, one of the two most sexually successful types of guys is nearly always broke because he spends all his money on pleasing himself and fulfilling his own desires.

Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.)
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12-17-2016, 03:41 PM
Post: #13
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-17-2016 03:24 PM)Shannon Wrote:  Amusingly, one of the two most sexually successful types of guys is nearly always broke because he spends all his money on pleasing himself and fulfilling his own desires.

That's really good to know. Thanks for the continued insight Shannon. I feel like I've learned more interacting with the men of this forum than I have reading about this stuff.

It seems that I'm in this sort of void where everything I thought to be true is just melting away. Who I thought I was, and what I thought I was capable of is daily changing and very rapidly so.
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FREAK4LIFE
12-17-2016, 04:50 PM
Post: #14
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-17-2016 03:41 PM)Bookstacks DC737 Wrote:  
(12-17-2016 03:24 PM)Shannon Wrote:  Amusingly, one of the two most sexually successful types of guys is nearly always broke because he spends all his money on pleasing himself and fulfilling his own desires.

That's really good to know. Thanks for the continued insight Shannon. I feel like I've learned more interacting with the men of this forum than I have reading about this stuff.

It seems that I'm in this sort of void where everything I thought to be true is just melting away. Who I thought I was, and what I thought I was capable of is daily changing and very rapidly so.

Welcome to DMSI land. Smile

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The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.)
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12-18-2016, 05:31 AM
Post: #15
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-17-2016 03:24 PM)Shannon Wrote:  Amusingly, one of the two most sexually successful types of guys is nearly always broke because he spends all his money on pleasing himself and fulfilling his own desires.

What is the other type?

I can resist everything except temptation
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12-18-2016, 09:17 AM (This post was last modified: 12-18-2016 09:18 AM by Shannon.)
Post: #16
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-18-2016 05:31 AM)James Bond Wrote:  
(12-17-2016 03:24 PM)Shannon Wrote:  Amusingly, one of the two most sexually successful types of guys is nearly always broke because he spends all his money on pleasing himself and fulfilling his own desires.

What is the other type?

Sean Connery, Captain Picard, Captain Kirk, Commander Riker and 007.

Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.)
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12-18-2016, 09:51 AM
Post: #17
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Thanks

I can resist everything except temptation
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12-18-2016, 01:26 PM
Post: #18
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-18-2016 09:17 AM)Shannon Wrote:  
(12-18-2016 05:31 AM)James Bond Wrote:  
(12-17-2016 03:24 PM)Shannon Wrote:  Amusingly, one of the two most sexually successful types of guys is nearly always broke because he spends all his money on pleasing himself and fulfilling his own desires.

What is the other type?

Sean Connery, Captain Picard, Captain Kirk, Commander Riker and 007.

Of that list, only Sean Connery is a non-fictional person. I may have asked this a long time ago, but are there other real life alphas to look up to, idolize, emulate, etc?

A Better Alex (ISTJ): EPRHAASC → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOS → …
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12-18-2016, 02:31 PM
Post: #19
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(12-18-2016 01:26 PM)apollolux Wrote:  
(12-18-2016 09:17 AM)Shannon Wrote:  
(12-18-2016 05:31 AM)James Bond Wrote:  
(12-17-2016 03:24 PM)Shannon Wrote:  Amusingly, one of the two most sexually successful types of guys is nearly always broke because he spends all his money on pleasing himself and fulfilling his own desires.

What is the other type?

Sean Connery, Captain Picard, Captain Kirk, Commander Riker and 007.

Of that list, only Sean Connery is a non-fictional person. I may have asked this a long time ago, but are there other real life alphas to look up to, idolize, emulate, etc?

The rest are fictional characters being played by real people. Which real people can and do have those attitudes, mindsets, beliefs and choice patterns. It's no matter that the character is fictional. That is what women want to ****: An alpha male. A leader. A man who does his own thing. Who is calm and in control when the shit hits the fan. Who knows what he wants, goes after it and gets it. A "can do" man.

You can take that from even fictional characters and make it your own.

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The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.)
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12-18-2016, 04:50 PM (This post was last modified: 12-18-2016 05:16 PM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #20
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Happenings:

I've picked up cooking fever. I've been cooking a lot since starting 3.0 to address the hunger concerns, but it's becoming something more for me now.

It's fun to be learning a new skill, it's helping me save money, be healthier and I've been told by guys who I can verify get laid that cooking is a powerful Seduction tool.

It gives you a great reason to get a girl into your place on day 1. Even if you can't, or don't, transition that into sex the first time, it becomes more likely the second time if she's already familiar with your home. It also gives you a good chance to show her another side of yourself, and you can make her your assistant around the kitchen.

My living room, kitchen and bathroom are now spotless. Can't say the same about my room and car unfortunately, but walking through the front door you're greeted with a nice looking and nice smelling apartment. I've also picked up the habit of cleaning up after myself, doing the dishes and organizing the fridge so my room mate has space for his own stuff.

Through a series of events I've now become cordial and more accepting of my gay room mate. I dont dislike him because he's gay, but rather because he's flamboyant and our two personalities are total opposites. I can say now from the few times I've interacted with him that he's a pretty cool guy. This is mostly important so I have an open line of communication w/ him when I bring girls over. Without that I could possibly be snitched on leading to some repercussions. Not sure how I'll feel if he begins inviting his dates over thoughConfused not really psychologically prepared for such a situation Tongue

Dreams:

I'm aware of many dreams that I can't remember that have to deal with something dark or troubling.

One dream I do remember from last night had to do with me in a hospital. I had been hospitalized for breaking my tailbone or the lower part of my spine (???) and I also had broken my jaw. The doctor informed me that they must operate on my tailbone or spine, but the jaw surgery was optional. I wanted both.

My dad was there too and he was pleading with me to only get the first surgery.

I told him no, and he asked again, and that happened for quite some time until he relented.

Few things that make the dream interesting:

I don't remember the last time I had a dream with my dad that wasn't a nightmare.

In the dream I was sort of helpless. I was in a pretty bad state, confined to a hospital bed and it was just me and my dad in a room. I have a feeling an older version of myself would have been anxious about this and changed his answer, but I was perfectly calm.

I didn't stand my ground (implying that I was resisting his words) or argue. When I told him no I said it as easily as someone might say "Where's the ketchup?" It was my decision and there would be no argument about it.

Also, I was being helped by someone. I usually take being helped as a sign of weakness and try and do everything myself. I was perfectly content with the knowledge that I wouldn't be able to heal myself without some sort of outside intervention, and that I would have to cede control over, if only temporarily.

Edit: here are some dream interpretations.

Quote:A broken jaw represents that you are losing the grip on your life and the decisions you make tend to make it worse.
I can definitely see this in my own life. So Dream Dad was basically telling me not to get my life in order. Most of the making things worse comes from trying to disconnect from my family and heal my trauma at absolutely any cost, but it's wreaking havoc on personal relationships and my wallet.

Quote:A broken back in a dream means fear, distress and sorrow.
So I'm being healed Tongue My problems don't seem so big anymore, especially after all the times I've been out with people who openly share the same faults and misfortunes as myself. It's helped to make me feel normal, something I've craved for a while.

I was upset that I wasn't getting any IOIs but the way things are going as far as healing, I'm absolutely content to just sit back and take life in until DMSI is done doing its thangBig Grin
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