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DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
01-02-2017, 10:24 AM (This post was last modified: 01-02-2017 10:25 AM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #61
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
I guess it was a casual hookup and we remain friends after this. I thought asking for clarity would help smooth anything over that happened, guess not. There's a mountain of things going on unconsciously that are leaving me confused and weird.

The joys and horrors of learning through experience Smile

[Image: n76tmeAl.jpg]

My dreams are now about me flying in helicopters, driving cool sports cars, and there was one where I took a dump Tongue

My circle of friends continues to grow as well:

[Image: 99KLzMgl.jpg]

Any way, I'm lacking in clarity today so I'm going to absolutely destroy my body through exercise and just allow the healing to do what it does. I can tell there's a lot going on and I'm unable to think clearly as of right now.
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01-02-2017, 08:45 PM
Post: #62
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
I worked out the intensity of the emotion during my 3 loops.

My only frame of reference for having sex with someone is some sort of committed relationship, so I believe that script automatically began to run and caused some emotional conflict within myself, as well as the actual sexual act bringing about some things that weren't healed.

I had a class with the girl today and we were chill with each other. I think we were both concerned what the others reaction would be, but after a while I realized it really was nothing but a cool story and a fun way to ring in the New Year.

On to the next one.

I have quite a few Tinder matches with women who aren't my exact physical preference, and I'm not certain if their is some sort of other quality that DMSI would snipe for in them.

Regardless, I don't care. They're practice and a good way to have some fun, observe the script execute and enjoy myself.

That's a change that also wasn't there before: not trying to prove anything via my sexual partner. Seems I'm developing the emotional distance and self-knowledge to have one night stands and regard them as just that, and not tangling myself in others, or seeing that as a pre-requisite for harmless sex between two consenting adults.

In the physical realm I now have a swagger and seem to be embodying the idea of "cool." Sexy.

I want to expand my idea of sexiness past just looks though. Until MLS is released or I've made significant strides in my healing, I'll be running DMSI. I can see now that my biggest fear and blocker was the belief that I just wasn't attractive enough physically.

Now that I've reached that goal, I want to create sexual irresistivility in a number of ways. Through conversation, touch, dance, sexTongue I want to be an unforgettable experience for the women I date, if possible. I want to give them the gift of me.

My dreams consist of me being someone else, in someone else's house, doing cool shit. There's this dissonance because whatever character I am in the dream isn't "me," but it's obviously a more mature, sexier version of myself.

I'm meeting celebrities like Drake in these dreams and daydreams and it doesn't even phase me because I feel so awesome myself, there's absolutely no room in my world for a "celebrity." I can't project that quality onto someone else because I'm walking, living and breathing it.
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Travis
01-02-2017, 09:47 PM
Post: #63
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Bookstacks, I don't know why you're so confused about this.

You called a woman by the wrong name while banging her. In her head, you were thinking of the other chick the whole time. That's why she left, because she felt like you were using her as a real-life sex toy.

Imagine dude, you meet this chick. You like her. She throws you on the bed and rides the hell out of you and all of a sudden, she screams out another dude's name. Not only that, but you know the dude. Would you not be a little unnerved?

It's a huge blow to her ego and the fact that she had to communicate this overtly with you is NOT good. Women communicate covertly -- in the subtext. When they go overt, it's never a good thing. The best thing for you to have done is texted her and said: "My bad, brah," with a silly smiley face, or what Shannon said.

Ideal Convo:
You: My bad, brah.
Her: Was a lil messed up, [Bookstacks]
You: these things happen, [insert wrong name again]
You: Smile love you tho

Anything other than, "so why'd you leave after I called you the wrong name while balls deep in ya?"

[INTP] | “‘Tis true without lying, certain and most true. That which is below is like that which is above and that which is above is like that which is below.” – Isaac Newton
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01-02-2017, 11:28 PM
Post: #64
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
I suppose I was unable to see it from her perspective, or wanted her to see it from my perspective. It's a bit lame because it was an honest mistake, and I have very few tools to communicate such a thing:
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01-03-2017, 12:12 PM (This post was last modified: 01-03-2017 12:16 PM by Alpha360.)
Post: #65
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(01-02-2017 09:15 AM)RTBoss Wrote:  The first time I said "I love you," to my wife was during sex, 2 months after we started dating. Afterward it came out, I was like, "Oh, dang, I didn't mean it like that! I just meant you feel really good!"

Sometimes shit pops out of your mouth you don't mean to. I like Shannon's advice.

Every time I wanted to say to a girl I love her was during sex, otherwise HuhHuhHuhHuhHuh blank. After orgasm I don't love her anymore Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
I never said it though but it cross my mind while doing it.

Everything you read from me is unless indicated otherwise my opinion so you are free to not agree with me. I expect that a lot of people won't agree with me, it's fine, it's normal, it's life.
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01-03-2017, 12:51 PM (This post was last modified: 01-03-2017 12:51 PM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #66
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(01-03-2017 12:12 PM)Alpha360 Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 09:15 AM)RTBoss Wrote:  The first time I said "I love you," to my wife was during sex, 2 months after we started dating. Afterward it came out, I was like, "Oh, dang, I didn't mean it like that! I just meant you feel really good!"

Sometimes shit pops out of your mouth you don't mean to. I like Shannon's advice.

Every time I wanted to say to a girl I love her was during sex, otherwise HuhHuhHuhHuhHuh blank. After orgasm I don't love her anymore Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
I never said it though but it cross my mind while doing it.

As the great philosopher Lil Wayne once said:

Quote:All my bitches love me, and I love all my bitches
But it's like as soon as I cum, I come to my senses

Very wise words Sleepy
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01-03-2017, 12:53 PM (This post was last modified: 01-03-2017 12:54 PM by eternity.)
Post: #67
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(01-03-2017 12:51 PM)Bookstacks DC737 Wrote:  
(01-03-2017 12:12 PM)Alpha360 Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 09:15 AM)RTBoss Wrote:  The first time I said "I love you," to my wife was during sex, 2 months after we started dating. Afterward it came out, I was like, "Oh, dang, I didn't mean it like that! I just meant you feel really good!"

Sometimes shit pops out of your mouth you don't mean to. I like Shannon's advice.

Every time I wanted to say to a girl I love her was during sex, otherwise blank. After orgasm I don't love her anymore Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin Big Grin
I never said it though but it cross my mind while doing it.

As the great philosopher Lil Wayne once said:

Quote:All my bitches love me, and I love all my bitches
But it's like as soon as I cum, I come to my senses

Very wise words Sleepy

There's another phenomenal philosophical quote. I posted it on my journal earlier this week Sleepy

他妈的母狗得到钱

Confused ENFP

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b__b................m__m................i__i...............!__!
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01-03-2017, 04:06 PM
Post: #68
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Hahahaha Alpha360. I laugh because I know what you mean.

I haven't had it recently because i've been with girls I actually like and enjoy recently. But when I was with lower quality girls because I just wanted sex it would be like "I want sex" and go and **** this girl then straight after it be like "what the **** am I doing?" and just want to leave and regret it.

I don't miss those feelings and i'm glad I haven't had it for ages with recent girls.
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01-04-2017, 01:25 PM (This post was last modified: 01-04-2017 01:26 PM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #69
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
I've come to a place of acceptance -- an active acceptance. There's still resistance and weird emotions stirring up, but I'm actively dealing with them as they come. Things are as they are. I can't change what happened, just accept it and move on.

Spending some time with friends, creating cool experiences for myself have helped me diminish the size of that memory, where I can look at it more rationally.

I still have a lot of growing up to do and I obviously don't have all the answers. I took it as an ego blow initially, then once resistance passed, my ego seems much more cooperative and not defensive.

I'm still in the process of creating my Anki flash card decks for conversation/seduction and I'm glad I've done so. Having such things memorized leaves me with a lot more space to control other things, instead of always wondering what to say.

In that same vein my mind seems to be actively rewiring itself to use advice from others and is much more accepting of new ideas.

Before I would read a book and think "how could this possibly benefit me?"

Now I understand that the authors that I do trust enough to read their content have years of experiences that I haven't had, won't have, and they quite likely know what the **** they're talking about.

If I try something and it doesn't work, I'm more than free to continue testing or try a new strategy.

I would take this as a hint that I'm moving away from my staunch belief that I only learn best through experience, which is a resistance i am glad to have cleared. Also maturing to take others views into account, which I'm sure will be helpful.
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Shannon
01-04-2017, 05:39 PM (This post was last modified: 01-04-2017 05:40 PM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #70
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Date tomorrow:
[Image: OTncV48l.jpg]

5 new Tinder matches.

I've been itching to approach and will probably do so this week.
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01-05-2017, 11:10 PM
Post: #71
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Date went well. The girl was definitely sniped. She has a very similar personality to me. We talked about architecture, music and I took her to my favorite spot in the city and she just sat there and took it all in, like I would have.

Invited her back to the apartment, too many guests in the house so we left and made out in the back of her car. She drove two hours to see me through traffic, and I'll be driving up to see her and go snowboarding.

Haven't touched Tinder, I'm satisfied where I'm at and not worrying and acting out of the fear that I must have abundance as a prerequisite to having sex. Maybe I'll speak to the girls and date them with no expectations.

When I think of approaching now I'm always in a detached state, which is good. I want to learn "how" before I do so, but this may just be a fear. The date I had today was almost the complete opposite of successful dates I've read about, but it still worked.
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01-06-2017, 12:38 PM (This post was last modified: 01-06-2017 12:42 PM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #72
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Feel like I'm in a whole new galaxy.

Things that were occupying space in my mind seem to have just vanished, leaving more and more room for the good stuff.

I've been running B the last two days in anticipation of the date, but now that I want to get back on A, there's a shit ton of resistance. Best believe I will smash through it.

I've become very focused as a result of doing DMSI.

I took a hard look at my 2016 financially and was dismayed at how much money I spent on stupid shit.

The cycle of poverty is real, and the more I stay in the cycle, the more ingrained it will be. I'm seeking to bust out.

Books like "Rich Dad, Poor Dad" and "The Richest Man In Babylon" are on my table, plus the glimpses I've heard from other successful people are constantly rotating through my mind and flash cards.

I want to purchase experiences, not things. I want to use my income in a way that brings me long term happiness. Use it in a way that I no longer have to be scared of going to the counter and worrying if I can pay for my groceries. **** that.

My tax return will be fat, my mom insisted on helping me pay for the rent, my new levels of confidence have me chasing jobs that are a bit above my experience level and what not. Plus I just keep manifesting more and more and more beneficial situations that either leave me with money, or benefit me otherwise.

Things are really, really, really coming together on all fronts.

I also joined a Muay Thai gym. Start on Monday. Props to chaosvrgn for inspiring me. I've been meaning to get fit but I easily get bored of lifting, and running can only do so much. Right now I've become extremely provocative with my attitude and body language and I'm certain I won't back down. So the only logical step is to learn to defend myself and my loved ones Tongue

Not to mention all the benefits of picking up a sport, having a space where I can openly express my masculinity and what not.

2017 is the bomb.com so far.

Edit: unrelated to me, my little sister is doing great on E2. She joined the track team, she's manifesting a lot of cool shit and relationships, and it's helping her get over her anxiety and depression as a result of living with my parents. It's also brought us closer.
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01-06-2017, 01:13 PM
Post: #73
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Here I'll save you some time:

The Richest Man in Babylon can be summed up as follows:

Save 10% of everything you earn.

You're welcome.

INFP | "Why shouldn't we be able to live forever if it was infinity before we were born?"
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01-07-2017, 12:19 PM
Post: #74
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Heart is incredibly open. Groin is dormant. It's the result of one of the pills I'm taking and I'm going to discontinue it next week.

Realized lately that my gay room mate has been letting me go up the stairs first and today the dude came out in just a towel to go to the bathroom. Pray for me y'all, I'm keeping my doors locked Undecided
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01-07-2017, 07:18 PM
Post: #75
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Version A is tearing me up emotionally. Shannon and chaosvrgn were right when they said DMSI is about leaving limitations behind.

One of the things that brought up into my head was this journal and how I write it for an audience rather than to actually keep track of what's going on, appealing to others and their own beliefs. It's exhausting and I feel the urge to cut it out and grow beyond whatever part of myself I'm projecting in this journal.

It saddens me that my behavior towards women has less to do with them and more to do with earning the approval of the virtual males around me.

I'll be taking a hiatus and will leave the journal up.
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01-07-2017, 11:25 PM (This post was last modified: 01-07-2017 11:25 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #76
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
I'm with you on wanting money for the experiences, and for places I can go. Well and for being able to live without worrying about money.

As for things like ferraris and fancy expensive stuff I don't give a **** at all.
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chaosvrgn
01-07-2017, 11:33 PM
Post: #77
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
(01-07-2017 07:18 PM)Bookstacks DC737 Wrote:  Version A is tearing me up emotionally. Shannon and chaosvrgn were right when they said DMSI is about leaving limitations behind.

One of the things that brought up into my head was this journal and how I write it for an audience rather than to actually keep track of what's going on, appealing to others and their own beliefs. It's exhausting and I feel the urge to cut it out and grow beyond whatever part of myself I'm projecting in this journal.

It saddens me that my behavior towards women has less to do with them and more to do with earning the approval of the virtual males around me.

I'll be taking a hiatus and will leave the journal up.

You're an INTP. It's possible that you aren't "writing for an audience." INTP's naturally bounce their ideas and experiences off people with the hopes that they'll break down and dissect them. It's just our way of exploring "truth."

Not saying you're wrong, just make sure your hiatus is for the right reasons. I find that writing my journal helps me process those inner feelings that I'm just not good at expressing any other way. There's many many times where I wrote in my journal and then I felt my heart chakra open and / or the aura start to project.

Sure this isn't resistance?

[INTP] | “‘Tis true without lying, certain and most true. That which is below is like that which is above and that which is above is like that which is below.” – Isaac Newton
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eternity
01-09-2017, 02:15 PM (This post was last modified: 01-09-2017 02:17 PM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #78
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Thanks for your support chaosvrgn.

I believe the nature of what I was experiencing had to do with identity, and the subliminal was working on that.

The anger at writing to an audience was just me being angry about having to conform to some guidelines rather than openly expressing myself however the **** I choose to.

There's long been this mental battle about being good enough as I am rather than having to adopt certain identities like alpha male, or my successful brother or whomever.

The resistance seems to come fierce when I succeed on my own terms, like on Thursday with that girl. I didn't do anything except be me and got results, and it seems my mind couldn't make sense of the fact that I actually had value.

Low self esteem seems to be the next in line for healing as my issues with anxiety and depression get cleared up. My default mode of always looking to model someone better, or change myself to match a situation seems to have gone away.
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01-09-2017, 02:59 PM
Post: #79
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Shit, that depends on how you view it, bookstacks.

I understand the internal dilemma between "writing for an audience" and writing for personal reasons.

I've been on both sides of the debate. My 2.5 journal was strictly data. My 3.0.1 journal is passionately written, regardless of whether the experience waspositive or negative. I've seen others "hate" on those who write their journals the way they do, but the truth of the matter is our journals are our own, and it can be written the way we want it to.

And if you feel like you are writing for an audience and no longer wish to, then make the proper adjustments. However I, like chaos, have also experienced multiple instances where writing one particular sentence in my journal instantly switched on the H drip, indicating that sentence directly influenced me into acceptance of the script. So the writing for the sake of writing really helps.... if nothing else, than just to process everything you are experiencing and getting it off your head and into an Avenue to process it and get feedback from.

But I like your updates, and I will continue to read it regardless of what you put on it Tongue

Confused ENFP

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b__b................m__m................i__i...............!__!
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01-09-2017, 10:12 PM (This post was last modified: 01-09-2017 10:16 PM by Bookstacks DC737.)
Post: #80
RE: DMSI 3.01A - Back To The Grind
Thanks eternity, I'm always open to further feedback. I've experienced exactly what you're talking about and it's why I decided to continue journaling after that bout of resistance.

Thank you for your support man, it honestly means a lot to me that you get something valuable out of my journal.

Today

Today has been really ***** great, mang. Too many little changes to note, but all of them in the direction of being more comfortable with myself, increasing my confidence and just... being better.

I decided,concretely and consciously, that I'm of a much higher value.

My neighbor needed to go pick up her last paycheck and couldn't because her car died. I originally told her she'd have to pay me gas + time and she refused. Still a positive because I set that boundary.

Then I later realized that A) it's a 20 minute drive and B) she'd give me enough to fill my entire tank, so I'd still be winning.

So I took her.

Here's the thing: I've been giving out favors left and right these last few weeks and to me it's been an equal exchange.

I still remember sitting in my room for 12+ hours a day wanting to kill myself, so driving to and from places and going to the beach and all this other shit is 100% okay with me. Friends pitch in what they can for gas, I handle the rest. I've paid for my experience and I have no regrets.

Now my value has increased. I have shows to go to, places to be, skills to master, my little sister, and the women I'm *****.

That hour I spend with you could be used for physical conditioning, growing my business, learning Spanish, ****, literally anything I want that's valuable to me.

So I'm setting those appropriate boundaries so I can do what I want and get the value I deserve. I don't feel any shame, guilt, or regret for setting the boundary, and I don't feel any negativity towards my past behavior, which now would be me getting taken advantage of. I feel at peace just dropping everything and starting anew.

There will be shifts in my behavior as I adjust, but that's common with all behaviors and I'm embracing the learning process.

I went to my first Muay Thai class today and f*ck I wish I had done this sooner. It's exactly what I need to expend my physical energy, a great focus for my mental energy, and it all takes place in a warm, supportive environment.

What's not to love?

The greatest thing about hard physical exercise is it puts everything in perfect context. When you really activate that primal urge to survive, **** and kill, the problems of modern life are pretty laughable in comparison.

Like no matter what, a punch in the face will remain a punch in the face. Copying a sales letter, studying for class, etc, etc does not at all match up to that in my eyes.

It seems my unconscious is setting me up to get off my medication.

Whether as a component of the healing, or just my unconscious being a total bro, I can see that I'm actively developing a solid base for myself to stand up to my depression and trauma.

I'm doing therapy 2x a week, I've made many, many new friends, I'm trying to master many new skills, I go outside more for exercise and fun, etc, etc.

Muay Thai 5-6x a week alone will dramatically improve my energy, mood, and sleep, so I can say goodbye or lower my pills for that.

The last few times I tried to get off my medications were all nightmares where I tried to white knuckle my recovery and ended up worse than before. It's great progress to see I've advanced enough to not make impulsive decisions with my health, or draw my character into question for seeking help.

I also think I'm done with healing for the time being.

Feel free to tear into this if you believe its resistance or you're able to provide some valuable insight.

I realize I have problems still with executing the script to its full potential, but it's beyond me to care right now. Everyone has problems. The issue with people who do self development is we focus endlessly on our issues, while "normal" people only see their issues as one part of their life.

I'm okay with where I'm at as of now. Not to say that further healing isn't desirable, or that I'm never, ever going to go back to version A, but for now I'm quite satisfied with version B and will continue to use it for at least the end of the week, if not longer. Version A with P5 will continue chugging along in the background.
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