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Bad DMSI journal
02-22-2017, 02:09 AM
Post: #121
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
About a week since I gave DMSI A run a break.

The good: No more mood swings or overt physical exhaustion, mild headache still persists. Now that I know I can take days off work to recover, I’m more comfortable in pushing myself further work wise.

I’ve changed and updated my wardrobe, last few days saw me wearing my black suit jacket and white formal shirt, on pretty much every work or social occasion. I feel mature and confident enough to pull it off easily. I get a lot of attention from women when dressing and swagging this way, but that doesn’t excite me as much as it used to.

I’ve had a dream of cigarettes, and bought some on the way to work. (When I quit years ago I jokingly said I’m only quitting because they don’t taste good anymore, I’ll start again when I find tasty ones again. Well I have a taste for them, again). I’ve had a smoke at the back of the office and black haired girl from upstairs (I only mention black hair because she only ever wears black) came and joined me and we talked a bit. She is a good conversationalist, and has a lovely face and great ass. And I’m a big bad wolf.

The bad: Right now, nothing feels good (translation: emotional exhaustion/flat line). I’ve read my forum posts on what I thought may be the cause of my healing/clearing resistance, re-read it and it didn’t strike any emotional response. I thought while reading, I may be onto something here, but I left it at that.

I’ve got no feelings of remorse, relief, despair, hope. I’ve got no plan forward or fear or success or failure. My mind feels de-cluttered for something to take seed, but I can’t seem to get excited to spring into action on any front at the moment.

Taking up smoking again, really? Still, feels good.

Things with wifey aren’t great. She is too close to be unaffected.

When’s 3.1 coming out?
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02-22-2017, 02:59 AM
Post: #122
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
Not sure, Shannon's pretty sick at the moment and it's taken him out of it for a few days... so it will be later than first expected.
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02-22-2017, 07:57 PM
Post: #123
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
I was in shock to see how bad my handwriting is today. It’s worse than my 6yo’s. Normally I don’t hand write much for work, I type everything. Today I was in meeting and taking notes, and for the life of me, I couldn’t get my hand steady to write down anything that can be recognized and recovered afterwards. My fine motor skills are good, always have been, just yesterday I did detailing on ship model with my boy, and my hand is steady. But writing… when I see it, it looks like a man that is possessed has written it, as if someone else is writing with the same hand, at the same time. I’ve noticed the same thing last week, and then I forgot about it. This is some freaky sh*t.
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02-23-2017, 04:36 PM
Post: #124
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
Freckly has called it off, this is not new but a few days old. **** it, I was in denial. This was just days after we've had a great time at cafe and got in touch with our feelings.

First I thought what a stupid thing I've done to meet her on the day resistance was kicking my ass, I've ruined it, I must have appeared like a wimp. Next reaction, it's not the first time, and she'll come around once more. Be cool, wait it out, detach, I'm the prize. Third and final, don't regret anything, I now have confidence I can actually do that again.

Next, wifey has subtly started to give me shit on general topics again. My AOSI has mostly worn off; we've had sex but I was to initiate, and last time she was too tired. Okay. Enter smarter Barba. Starting from scratch, other girl bailed out, just walking away from 3 weeks of healing boot camp. I don't have other options and no bargaining power, if she says sex is out, I just got to be patient. Not really. Enter my inner playful feminine side, one I should accept and use more. I've been around enough women that I can understand and emulate, pretty subtly and effectively, the noncommittal coyness that they use on us. And the effect is something that you have to have a keen eye to notice. What happened, wifey threw a shovel of shit on me to see if I duck or take it. I've paused for a second and said "whatever you say love, no point fighting about it". She probed if I'm serious, I said yeah you're right blah blah and kissed her ass, but in my mind I've thought of a girl I've had cigarettes and coffee with today. That was it, and I was calm and serious, but on the inside I've put a little smile that I'm not even sure if it would register on the outside. And the effect was great, it was the end of that argument, she looked at me like a lion for the rest of the evening, and tried to make more argument. I've resisted the urge to take a piss (Australian slang for making fun of someone while being serious) and went about my business.

Today she looked like she's dying to ask me something but never did. Didn't take her eyes off me. I'm standing my ground. No sex yet, but I suspect that pretty soon she'll either pull out the mother of all arguments, or **** my brains out - and I won't initiate. Tongue

I'm ready for DMSI morphine. I need it, man... but I could stop, if I wanted to...
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02-23-2017, 08:16 PM
Post: #125
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
Curious things are happening today, first admin girl gave me the cold shoulder and walked off, then girl at café I talk to sometimes, has looked away while I was paying the bill. First one was genuinely being a bitch, second one acted like I forgot her birthday. This is all DMSI; I don’t get these negatives often, not without cause.

You may pick up I’m excited about new DMSI version coming. I’m curious about MHS too, I’m not aware of my body in a powerful and energized way that I usually am when I’m working out a lot. Could MHS provide motivation for exercise? Being at physical condition peak connects a lot of dots for me, but I’m yet to re-discover my zeal for getting there.

I’ve dressed more casually today, but it was all black, and I did wear a sleeveless suit vest over shirt. Looking at my reflection at café I thought I look good but way too thin now. When I wanted to feel good about myself or inspire a change, I’d start from outside in, with good clothes, bulking up, more tattoos. It would be a signal to everybody to pay attention to me because big things are about to happen. Sometimes it did, sometimes it didn’t. This time it feels different and natural. What inspired this introspection was a guy I saw at café, with tattoos from wrists to neck, and tiny singlet to show it off. He got some attention from two girls seated, but his face was buried in his phone, he was slouched, you could easily ignore him. Girl from upstairs has heart and dagger on her arm, by style of it and looks of her I’d swear there are more tucked in somewhere. I’m buttoned down when I’m at work. She’ll see mine if we get naked.

Final reflection: Before running this sub, this is Step 0: Becoming comfortable with the idea of changing your life for the better, and knowing where you want to get to.

You have to convince yourself that it’s good to change. This is very important. Become comfortable with the idea of permanently changing how you act, look, how others see you. Give yourself the permission to reap the rewards.
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02-24-2017, 10:53 AM
Post: #126
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
I saw someone with some tattoo today, it was completely off on him. Scary guy with a tatoo, that's cool, but that guy walked like a woman, talked like a woman and had an ass like a woman. He was probably better off without tattoo, trying to look scary I guess.

The totally convinced and the totally stupid have too much in common for the resemblance to be accidental.
Only the madman is absolutely sure. Robert Anton Wilson
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02-25-2017, 12:17 AM (This post was last modified: 02-25-2017 06:15 AM by bad as me.)
Post: #127
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
(02-24-2017 10:53 AM)Alpha360 Wrote:  I saw someone with some tattoo today, it was completely off on him. Scary guy with a tatoo, that's cool, but that guy walked like a woman, talked like a woman and had an ass like a woman. He was probably better off without tattoo, trying to look scary I guess.

Yeah I see this a lot, too. I see folks are competing with each other for attention. Tattoos get bolder, more noticeable, on younger people. Large portion of people getting flashy and aggressive tattoos, which definitely gets them noticed, don’t know what to do with the attention and how to respond to it. Majority of them (if not all) who don’t wear it well are just as insecure and socially awkward as they were before getting inked.

Girls with tattoos want to be noticed, but a lot of them are too immature to respond in a confident and coherent way. Every once in a while, after eye contact with an inked girl, I’d ask her about a particular piece she had done. I know which ones are likely to respond. They’re usually flattered and happy to chat about it. They pick up I know the lingo, often I got asked back, if I’m an artist myself or if I got any done.

I wish there was more comradery among inked folks, like there is one among people who ride bikes, for instance. They instantly click with other bikers because they have a passion in common. Except for some Harley Davidson fanboys, who are still too insecure to mingle with or talk to other bikers, or pretending to be too tough. Tattoos are a good conversation topic and you can find out a lot about someone through them, but these folks are in minority.
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02-25-2017, 06:10 PM
Post: #128
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
10 days break off DMSI A today. I'm happy to see anxiety in day is almost gone. It's funny how all the forced conscious guts dissection (contemplating old traumas as reason for rough ride on clearing and healing run) didn't yield any emotional catharsis. Thoughts on empowerment and choosing the good outcome made a difference, which is surprising, because if I didn't come to them myself, they would have sounded fake and made no impact whatsoever - if introduced from outside. Reason why that's surprising in a positive way, is that I usually concentrate on removing the negatives first, confront my obstacles head on, and against the grain. So this is something fresh.

I don't sleep well, a few nights now I woke up agitated and itching, had to remove my wrist bangle which I never take off, it annoyed me miserably. Energy levels in day suffer as result, but nothing like a few weeks ago while on healing. One night I couldn't go back to sleep so I put on delta binaural beats. It worked great as always, but in morning I was extra tired.
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02-28-2017, 11:15 PM
Post: #129
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
Two weeks off subs… hallucinations are getting worse… developing resistance to reality…

I’ve been out for coffee with girl from upstairs. It’s nothing major but we’ve had a good laugh, kept eye contact throughout, and when we were coming out I’ve held her by the waist and she turned and smiled. That’s the highlight. I’m interested to see how things play out when new DMSI kicks in. If DMSI run is particularly good and successful, pussy wise, and clearing and healing doesn’t destroy me but makes a positive change, then I’ll leave AM refresher or second run for second half of the year. I’m in different mindset than when I started 3.0, it will be a different ball game this time. I’ll go for whatever works to reach my goals, I’m in for the kill. Pretty sure 2017 is the Year Of the Pussy. (just checked, it’s the Year Of the Chicken, but I’ll go with my own thing)

I’ve now read/listened to three books on effective communication. Interesting, entertaining and useful. I have been putting a few concepts in practice at work and in social scene, and getting decent feedback/results. Sticky eyes, flooding smile, hanging by the teeth, got it all worked out. I can’t say I was shying away from making small talk, other than times I felt introverted, and now it’s mad fun again.

Looks like my career might get a boost as I’m approaching benchmark for principal shareholder in the company, according to management. I’m now expected to step back from work I’m doing now, and train a small team to do it, and then manage them. Then I’m expected to pick up new type of work in parallel to that, work which will need a lot of research and studying, for which MLS sub will be God sent. But to begin with, I’ll have to realize if this career advancement is what I want, as my instincts are telling me to get out and do something totally unrelated, where I can further develop my communicational, social, negotiation, and networking skills. I picture an office on top storey in office building in CBD, with 10 girls to 1 guy, doing… not sure what yet. But Mad Men kind of vibe. Got it all figured out, don’t I!! Details to follow in due course…
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03-03-2017, 12:33 AM
Post: #130
RE: Barba's DMSI journal
DMSI 3.1 A hybrid track has been downloaded and is now stored on my phone. Ready for tonight’s launch/maiden voyage.

Mental alchemy, reality bending, aural technology, things the rest of the world wouldn’t consider possible, let alone explain… shaken, stirred and distilled in a pleasant trickling stream audio track, sitting on my phone.

In real world, I got pleasantly weirded out yesterday and today - regarding my recent forum post. At the end of it, I’ve mused that I’d like a change of scenery at work, from what I have at the moment, to a casual high-flyer job away from engineering drudgery, working in office building overlooking city centre, brushing elbows with girls on daily basis, who outnumber men by 10:1. Hey, if dreams do come through, better think of good ones in first place. I got to work for money, why not enjoying it a bit more. Like, Mad Men with 10x more girls.

So yesterday at lunch one of our guys who’s been travelling interstate for work, has told us how just for two week he was working in client’s office in the CBD (that city is a metropolis), and what it was like. I’m like, cool, I got my fair share of travelling with company, but it was all to regional towns. It must be nice working in CBD. He said yeah it wasn’t bad, down there there’s hustle and bustle at every hour of night and day, and he stayed by himself in rented unit near CBD as well. Great. But he wasn’t entirely happy, because he doesn’t like flying, doesn’t like working away, is missing his family, and the girls in the office were annoying him after a while. Turns out he was working in a project team sharing office space with customer service, HR and training staff, which were almost all girls – young professional types. Aaah poor guy. There was too much noise! Too much distraction! All sort of conversations, emails sent around, giggly conversations, in a word – hell. And on Friday it was casual day and you wouldn’t believe what some were wearing. And one Friday he went for drinks with guys and met some girls from the office, and they were wild after a few drinks.

Of course, at this point I hated his guts but I was amused how it almost perfectly matched my ideal work/office situation. He said he’s not going back as he’s asked not to travel anymore (his missus doesn’t want him to, either).

And so today, manager has out of the blue asked me if I’m happy to do some travelling, and without asking where or when, I said of course. Then he said client needs someone to help them with railway project, has approached our other office in that city, and they passed them onto us. If I’m happy to have my resume/CV sent, they’ll almost certainly say yes to have me. He said the name of the client and where the office is, and it felt unreal like I saw my lotto numbers being drawn in front of me. The same one where V has been to? Yes, that’s the one, in a few weeks. It would be a few weeks’ worth of work, two weeks at the time (few weekends in CBD) if I’m happy to do it and it fits my family situation. It does, wifey is used to me being away, plus when I’m travelling she stays at her mum’s and has an easy time with kids. He probably didn’t get why I was laughing and shaking my head, but with a “yes” my office fantasy can (95% likely) become reality, with no effort on my behalf, not even leaving my current job.

Isn’t this a little too cute? I know I’m stretching and hyping it up, but I’m amused how it played out, a very cute coincidence.

I’ve been off DMSI 3.0.1 for two weeks now, I have relaxed considerably, I no longer feel my energy is being drained from me, and I see that my AOSI is slowly building up again. Examples – girl from upstairs. Right now, all I’m doing there, is see her every other day when I have a smoke, but there are some subtle signs of interest on our behalf, and we had coffee once where she’s been making me laugh the whole time. I went to pick up my son at school, and one of the mums greeted me when I passed her, I didn’t recognise her. It was overcast and humid day, and she was shiny from sweat – she’s naturally curvy and her breasts looked perfectly round and shiny in deep v-neck. She was really flirty too, she asked me if I’m travelling for work, I said yeah, still. She jokingly said can she come next time if it’s somewhere nice, I said yeah, it’s a work trip but if you come, I’ll find you something to work on. Only when I moved on I thought, that came out pretty blatant on both sides. Yesterday I got great BJ from wifey – reason was, it was hot and sticky in the house, and I was sitting close to her.

Is this DMSI 3.0.1 late bloom? If it is, it’s nice and subtle. What if it’s DMSI 3.1, one that I’ll start using tonight, working retroactively…? What if there was no CBD office with all the wild girls at all, and it materialized retroactively as well so DMSI can fulfil my office fantasy? Confused

To answer these questions and whether I believe DMSI can do these things I can’t explain, I’ll post my favourite anecdote. Niels Bohr, famous physicist, had a friend (who was also a scientist) visit him at his country house. Friend noticed there is a horseshoe nailed above entrance door and asked Bohr why he put it there, and if he believes in that sort of thing. Niels gave a wonderful answer – he said, I’m a physicist, of course I don’t believe horseshoe brings good luck – but I heard it works even if you don’t believe in it.
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