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Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
06-04-2016, 06:47 PM (This post was last modified: 06-05-2016 04:25 PM by Why So Serious?.)
Post: #61
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
@Disneylandusa
I just noticed that this kind of stuff has been happening a lot more often lately. Oh well just something to get used to I guess.

Not in the greatest mood right now. I think it has to do with figuring out my sexuality. Really don't want to go through this right now.......or ever. It's painful to say the least.
Hmmm....now that I think about it I don't think it's bad thing that I feel this way about it. It's not something easy to admit (if there is anything to admit).

I have gotten back into some of my bad habits but I don't feel as guilty about it. The way I see it is I gotta keep failing at it, see what I can do better and try again. So it's the end of the world if it happens again like it used to be before the sub.

Whateve....goodnight or morning everybody.

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06-05-2016, 04:21 PM (This post was last modified: 06-05-2016 04:39 PM by Why So Serious?.)
Post: #62
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
Well today I STARTED to get used to idea of liking both women and men. Not quite there yet and scares me quite a bit but it's a very small start.

I guess that means no more AF for me. I'm a little disappointed but at the same time it isn't that big of deal. I can focus on other subs when I get done with this one.

As for the warm feeling that people have AOSI I had that too for a moment. I had it happen a couple of times before on AF, and got attraction from men along with some disgusted looks and attitudes from women.

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06-05-2016, 04:26 PM
Post: #63
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
Alpha females always have that in common; Other females despise AF for no reason; Other women having their own personal Jealousy and insecurities Smile

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06-05-2016, 04:48 PM (This post was last modified: 06-06-2016 07:02 AM by Why So Serious?.)
Post: #64
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
I don't think I'm Alpha. And yeah you are diffidently right about the insecurities but that had more to with energy/aura I was giving off than just being alpha.

In a way I want that happen again but it difficult to keep up that kind of energy on your own. I could do it for three hours at most. Then again there is always AOSI that help out with the energy thing from what I'm reading.
Then again I'm not sure if I want to do something like that right now. I got too many issues to work through around this subject. Maybe when I'm done EPRHA and if some other sub comes out in 5.5g.

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06-06-2016, 04:50 PM
Post: #65
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
Starting to accept being bi more since yesterday. Can't believe it's happening so fast.

Today I was kind of relaxed. It dawn on me that I didn't feel as sick as usually do. I wasn't as tense I'm guessing so that feeling of general malaise kind of went away. I'm just guessing here don't know if that's a fact. I still had some issues to so I most likely need to go to a doctor still.

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4Kingdoms, Nox
06-08-2016, 02:54 PM
Post: #66
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
I have been feeling more relaxed lately. Stuff not bothering me. Still not getting stuff done like I was last week.Undecided I'm starting to feel the motivation came back a little.

Working at the front can be stressful but I think handled it okay yesterday when it got crowded. I wan't stressed out having to do three things at once.

Kind of been focusing on sex and sexuality lately instead of making more money.Huh If I think about it it's something that happens almost every time I listen to a sub. This is going to sound crazy but maybe I should just go with it. I'm not completely neglecting my money issues. Technically I'm learning some new skills to get a better job and then there is college.

I don't know about this one. I feel a lot fear even thinking about changing my focus from money to sex. I see about it in the future. I guess. Till then I'll get back learning some more excel.

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ncbeareatingman
06-09-2016, 07:12 PM
Post: #67
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
The more I think about it the more I realize that this the direction I need to take. Less focus on money more on sex, sexuality, and sensual stuff. I don't know why I was making the issue so black and white.
This is most likely going to be one of the biggest problems I got so makes sense to focus on it more. I'll probably pick up AOSI later on this year to help. Better yet let me wait until the end of the year to decide what I'm going to do. No need to rush things. If I even need to listen to the sub that long.
Oh course when I accepted that this was the course of action I needed to take my motivation kind of came back.Dodgy
Still got the social skills to work on too but I think this sub is helping out with that.

Now on becoming an entrepreneur I'm getting vibes on taking a different approach. The thought of running a business seems maddening and hellish. I used to be into the show Shark Tank but now it bores me.Huh I'm still into the idea of investing and starting to research stocks to see if I would like that.

Everyday feels like a Friday or Saturday. Even when I'm at work. I don't get those weekday blues anymore.Smile

I'm speaking clearly and with more projection in my voice. I'm not trying to hide my voice and a part of myself when I speak. I don't know why I hold back a part of me I guess some fear as usual.

I just figured out that I have anixeity and fear when it comes to going out. If this were a snake it would would bit me. I was so obvious like in my face obvious. I think I might have thought that I was a little scared to go out. SO frustrating that I'm figuring this out now and not I don't know how many years ago.

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DisneylandUSA, eternity
06-09-2016, 07:26 PM
Post: #68
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
Glad you are learning about your anxiety and fears now... ' better late than never.' We are all in the same boat of getting out of our 'comfort' zones to better ourselves Smile

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06-10-2016, 01:27 PM
Post: #69
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
Sex and sensuality as your money maker? Wink

A Better Alex (ISTJ): EPRHAASC → …
A Sexy Alex (ESTJ-T): BIABWS+DAOSDMSI → …
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06-11-2016, 05:00 PM
Post: #70
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
@Disneylandusa
Yeah your right. Still wish I would have caught on earlier.....years earlier.

@ apollolux
Oh darn you figured out my secret plan.lol I all honesty I'm not to sure. All I know is I have strange feeling that whatever lifestyle I'm going for many close family members and friends won't like it.Big Grin

I must getting into some deeper territory with the sub because I almost quite listening to it yesterday. I'm having some very disturbing, sickening thoughts(yeah Benjamin I know these are worse thoughTongue) that make me wish I wasn't here. Like that would be the best option, but I know it isn't, so I'll continue listening. Kind of surprised that I'm having them at all. It doesn't seem like. Oh the good news is I get a feeling that these thoughts aren't meant to be taken literally and there is a deeper meaning behind it. Bad news is I'm not sure I want to figure out what.



After everything that has happened I will finally have a car this weekend. I went out to eat today and it was crowded. Still nervous about being in crowds and socializing but for some odd reason I want to go out again while it crowded.
What's even weirder is that I have this feeling like I always went out and dealt with crowds and socializing with ease, and mange to stay reserved.Huh Yeah okay might be losing mind here.Confused

I now know I'm starting to accept me being bi more. Had no shame checking out both women and men. Still don't want to tell anybody about it. I don't feel this need to let everybody know. They'll find out eventually and if they don't oh well.

Still surprises me how fast I'm going through these issues.

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06-11-2016, 05:44 PM
Post: #71
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
Quote:I'm having some very disturbing, sickening thoughts(yeah Benjamin I know these are worse thoughTongue)

Hahaha I didn't realize we were having a disturbing thought competition Tongue

The other day they seemed to clear pretty quick, but I expect there will be more at some Stage during this program.
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06-12-2016, 05:08 PM
Post: #72
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
@Benjamin
Yep your right they do clear pretty quick. I'm almost over mine.
We'll have to settle this competition in the p.m's in future.lol

Well went to a crowded store and actually felt energized. Anxiety is almost gone. When it comes to certain crowds. I want to try going out to bar again but that will have to wait till the week after next. My money is going to be really tight till then. I think?

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DisneylandUSA
06-12-2016, 07:29 PM
Post: #73
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
(06-12-2016 05:08 PM)Why So Serious? Wrote:  @Benjamin
Yep your right they do clear pretty quick. I'm almost over mine.
We'll have to settle this competition in the p.m's in future.lol

Well went to a crowded store and actually felt energized. Anxiety is almost gone. When it comes to certain crowds. I want to try going out to bar again but that will have to wait till the week after next. My money is going to be really tight till then. I think?

That's great that your anxiety is going away. I heard of people having a gift of 'Empath.' A gift of feeling others' feelings especially, in crowds Smile

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06-12-2016, 09:53 PM
Post: #74
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
I'm not sure I would say empathy is a gift. It's been more of a strange form of torture for me. Useful, though, if you're a healer or a counselor.

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Why So Serious?
06-13-2016, 06:36 PM
Post: #75
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
@Disneylandusa
I'm not sure I had empathy when I was out yesterday. I think I was keeping myself in good mood. And yes anxiety is going away finally. Could still use some work though.

@Shannon
I kind of agree. Leaning more toward mostly agreeing.

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DisneylandUSA
06-13-2016, 08:18 PM
Post: #76
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
I remember having sexual preference thoughts also, but I stayed with my established preference.m cool thing is that if I'd have ended up switching it around I don't think it would have bothered me, just been similar to what it seems like you're having. Maybe just not sure how to proceed kind of things.

Also, ditto on empathy being as much curse as blessing. Try being strongly empathetic and taking an all day trip to the dmv to stand in line for a license renewal in California if you think it's a gift. You'll come out just this side of the mental hospital if you don't have your barriers up.
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06-14-2016, 08:13 PM
Post: #77
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
(06-13-2016 06:36 PM)Why So Serious? Wrote:  @Disneylandusa
I'm not sure I had empathy when I was out yesterday. I think I was keeping myself in good mood. And yes anxiety is going away finally. Could still use some work though.

@Shannon
I kind of agree. Leaning more toward mostly agreeing.

Happy that you are feeling less Anxious ... It is a good break for you sounds like Smile

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06-16-2016, 03:21 PM (This post was last modified: 06-16-2016 03:21 PM by Why So Serious?.)
Post: #78
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
@Nox
Oh cool I'm not only one. YayBig Grin I'm not sure how to proceed either but I'll figure it out.Tongue
Oh you had to bring up an example to remind me didn't you.Dodgy Yeah I'm very glad now I don't have that amount of empathy anymore.

@Disneylandusa
It is a nice break. ThanksSmile

Okay, I see that everyone is saying less hours is better so I'll give it a try again. Only 8-10 for a week to see how this goes. If not back to 12-16 hours. I started today and I felt some emotions come and go. Anger, frustration, fear, anxiety and sadness. Not sure what to make of it.
I'm kind of feeling that panicky urge to listen more hours already.Undecided

Oh and good news I realized a few days ago that I'm not nervous when it comes to getting guy's attention.

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06-20-2016, 04:06 PM
Post: #79
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
I have no idea what's happening but lately I feel bored listening to the sub. It feels like it can't do anything else but I feel like it can if I listen some more. At the same time I just want to stop listening. Maybe resistance?

I know I need to challenge myself to do different things.
Just not sure if stopping this sub and moving on to a different sub is the way to go about it. There are some subs here that will definitely challenge me to move in a different direction but I don't have the money for them. Probably a good thing.Tongue Still feels boring just listening to this one though. I wonder what's going on?

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06-20-2016, 04:20 PM
Post: #80
RE: Joining that EPRHA 2.0 Bandwagon
I think this sub is weird with hours, in that more or less aren't necessarily better. I think I've done better on both. Try a week of a lot then a week of less maybe? Or a couple days a week of more/less. Mix it up! This one seems very capable of doing crazy things to stir things up in your subconscious.
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