The saga continues: AM 6

[mat422]

Ok so I have about 6 days left of stage 1. So far it hasn't been as smooth as I wanted. Especially with how long I ran E2 I'm actually kind of bummed out that I still have these issues. But it's not anywhere near as bad when I first started E2, so maybe it's just stuff that it never touched on.

Things I've noticed that really stand out to me so far. My mindset has shifted a lot and my people pleasing behavior has gone down a lot. But I still get the physical manifestations of anxiety, I'm not as relaxed as I like to be. But it's only the first stage so I think it's a good sign. When people used to treat me like crap I'd think to myself I deserved it and get down on myself, but now I feel like their behavior is unacceptable and I don't deserve it. It's weird but I guess I had a lot of shame surrounding valuing myself? Some of these problems just have absolutely no logical explanation so I've stopped diving into the theories surrounding them.

So here are the sticking points. Massive difficulty getting out of bed in the morning, procrastination is in full force, and just generally a lack of energy to get stuff done. It's hard for me to see where my life is going to end up and I worry a lot because I feel like nothing is a good fit for me. And besides the financial stability and having a place to live, I don't get how some people can be content going to a job every day that they don't really care for. Either my standards are really high for what I want in life or my issues over the years have made me perceive what is a normal routine task for everyone else as a huge drain of energy for me.

Oh I guess one more thing. Avoidance behavior. Even when I've gotten really far with my self growth I still feel like I don't push my comfort zone enough. Or it's like the confidence I've gained is situational and each event I have to face brings a reset of the anxiety. It's frustrating because it makes me worry maybe I haven't gotten better and I've been deluding myself into believing I've grown to not feel bad that maybe I've spent hours upon hours listening to the subliminals and getting nowhere with my own life. Seriously my life is a trainwreck right now, I'm not even going to try to deny it anymore. But that's why I'm running AM6.

[CatMan]

Hi Matt!

I just wanted to remind you, that when you do those avoidance behaviours, it's usually during healing/clearing. And to remind you that AM6 has E1 in every stage, as well as OGSF. And that stage 1 in particular is "garbage removal/foundation building/normalisation", with a very heavy focus on getting stuff out of the rest of the program's way to prepare for the rest of the program to succeed.

So, it's COMPLETELY normal to feel like you're holing up in this scenario. So, please don't beat yourself up on this. It's likely it'll improve a lot as you progress through the program!

Quoted from the AM6 manual for you, to remind about stage 1's importance and some of the process behind it to understand you're okay:

"Stage 1 is designed to “normalize” you. If you think about it, every man who uses this program is coming from a different background, location, age and so forth, and each one has a unique set of ideas, beliefs attitudes and experiences concerning himself that are responsible for his current state of being. The biggest challenge I faced in translating my years of research and development into a program that genuinely does what it is supposed to do was finding a way to overcome this fact. I handled this process in two distinct ways:

1. The “normalization” process, through Stage 1, and
2. Taking the time to phrase the scripting very carefully to account for as many variables as possible.

When you use each stage properly, you will get the desired result (unless you manage to resist it for some reason). However, Stage 1 is designed to act as a clearing and foundation building stage more than it is designed to be an alpha male/dominance builder, because if we started trying to build alpha-ness and dominance before we made you ready to become alpha/dominant, your old ways of thinking would make the process much less reliable and effective, and the outcome would be much less predictable, stable and permanent. If you go through Stage 1 normalization and notice little or no difference, it is a good indication that you probably had a fairly good self image, self esteem and “alpha/dominance build foundation” to begin with.

Since there is no way to know this for sure before you go through normalization, and because the process has serious long term benefits for even men who notice no difference, remember that Stage 1 just as important as (if not more important than) all the other stages. In other words, do not skip Stage 1 just because you think you’re “already there”, or you’re impatient! If you want this to work, follow the directions and do it right."

Keep your chin up, Matt! It's a tough program for anybody to go through, I remember my run. For me, stage 2 seemed to be tough. I only started getting dreams and effects etc. from stage 3 near the end of it I may have stonewalled almost all of it, I remember that. I had a few rough spots in that program...everybody is different about the stage where it happened generally. But one thing we all share, is that we're all rooting for you!

[mat422]

Thanks man, I really needed that. Sometimes it's easy to overlook all the stuff going on behind the scenes with these subliminals and get too down on myself. Especially now where I really need to figure out how to get myself out of the current situation I'm in that's causing me stress.

[mat422]

So if there's one thing I want AM6 to eradicate it would be my perfectionism. It's so out of control, it shapes everything I do. Including running these subs. All or nothing thinking. Believing if I don't come out of AM6 an incredibly changed man I failed. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of my coping mechanism of trying to plan out everything in precise detail to avoid failure. As if I just find exactly the right path, everything will be fine. I just want to move forward in life, make mistakes, be ok with it, and grow. No more of this paranoia surrounding failure that keeps me stuck in the same place.

[LionKing]

Actually only some months into E2 did I first start to not care so much about getting the absolute most effect from subs. Of course I still care a lot and want the best, but I noticed I didn't really care if I wanted to take a day off or I didn't get the hours in without major inconveniences etc. Now if I want to test less hours, I can, and I'm also a bit less anxious about getting to my "final destination" as quickly as possible. Happier just making some progress. This was NOT the before when I was AM/SM. Did you not experience this on E2, or do you that need to push is coming up now with AM?

[mat422]

Actually only some months into E2 did I first start to not care so much about getting the absolute most effect from subs. Of course I still care a lot and want the best, but I noticed I didn't really care if I wanted to take a day off or I didn't get the hours in without major inconveniences etc. Now if I want to test less hours, I can, and I'm also a bit less anxious about getting to my "final destination" as quickly as possible. Happier just making some progress. This was NOT the before when I was AM/SM. Did you not experience this on E2, or do you that need to push is coming up now with AM?

I experienced it a little on E2. But never to the point where I felt like I completely let it go. It was weird. Some days I felt fine doing my own thing and some days I felt this terrible anxiety that made it hard to get anything done.

Part of my perfectionism stems from approval from others outside myself. AM tends to be good with cultivating that don't care attitude that I think would help me break away.

[mat422]

Started stage 2 last night. Nothing to report yet. But I've been watching Westworld and that show is such a head trip. Made me think about our own subconscious minds and how we're programmed to behave a certain way. If I'm honest I feel like I don't have free will at times. Example being I dislike this job I'm in and the logical answer would be to find another one, but I still have these blocks that prevent me from moving forward. Like I'm stuck in these loops of behavior and I want to break out of them, but really the only way is to change the underlying programming. Just made me think maybe some people are so deeply entrenched in their loops and routines they don't see it as not lacking free will.

[mat422]

AM6 is pushing me to do things I should be doing but I'm not. But I realized something really important. It's that I'm framing these new events in the wrong mindset. That's why I'm having so much resistance towards it. I keep seeing all these opportunities in life as more of potential failures, than a pathway to success. And that's what causes me to back off. So I need to start thinking about good things I can move towards and not the bad. It's really no wonder I've been so reluctant to make any changes in my life because all I have a tendency to see is pain and struggle, never opportunity and happiness.

I think that's why I've been resisting this whole time. All these supposedly good things just carried the weight of all the negative things attached to them as well. I've always been a glass half empty kind of guy and now I realize that my obsessive focus on the negative is what hurts me the most. In a way it's always been a coping mechanism because I felt if I knew all the negatives I could avoid more pain. But somewhere along the way it got out of control and the weight of the negative always outweighed the positive. I don't know why but for some reason pessimism and feeling like failure was right around the corner felt more "real" to me than succeeding and being happy. Probably just my comfort zone and mistaking that feeling of happiness and success as being different as being wrong. Just goes to show how comfort doesn't always mean being in the best position in your life.

[mat422]

Weird dream last night. I was brought into a government testing facility along with another guy. They had this black box with a speaker on it. I was instructed to take a hammer and bash the other guys skull in. I refused to do it. Then the guy holding the black box tells me that's what this is for and I'm going to end up doing it whether I like it or not. Real MKULTRA type stuff. So I beat the crap out of that guy and made a break for it. I get to a room with a large gathering of people and for some reason there's a cardboard box in the middle of the room I feel I have to destroy. So I punch through the bottom, everybody freaks out. Turns out there's a baby inside. Everyone is all pissed I didn't play along and ruined the surprise for some women. So I curse them out and tell them they are all messed up horrible people and leave.

That dream is probably a collage of three things that have been happening in my life. 1 is this subliminal and my resistance to it. 2 is I've been unloading a lot of stock at work and dealing with tons of cardboard boxes. And three, my dad was telling me yesterday how his girlfriend's son was trying to have a baby with his wife. But other than that this dream was the equivalent of a rambling incoherent mess.

[mat422]

With all this advanced technology with these subs I sometimes think that it means I can avoid more painful or uncomfortable stuff. But it's better to go through it than avoid it. It's funny because in a way I have a tendency to procrastinate on my own internal emotional healing. Like I put it off and tell myself tomorrow will be better, but it's not because I didn't address it.

One major insight I've had is there's a difference between the negative stories we tell ourselves vs the emotions and beliefs generating those things. I've learned to see any type of negative feeling as something at the root that needs to be healed instead of instantly jumping into that rumination where I create a depressing narrative to explain the feelings. It's been a good shift in how I've been thinking about my problems lately. I feel more determination and courage to tackle the things that need to be taken care of without being swallowed up by them.

[mat422]

It feels like I'm finding my true self lately. The depressed, anxious, people pleasing individual I was so stuck in was like ill fitting clothing. To me that's a really good sign because it means I'm embracing the changes more. One thing I have to admit is when I initially started AM6 I wanted people to respect me more, but a lot of that came from fear and needing to control interactions. I'm learning more and more that just simply not caring what other people think is the most freeing thing you can do. I catch glimpses of it here and there, but it's not completely solid yet. All I know is that a lot of the stuff I thought I wanted from AM6 was still coming from a place of fear and as I progress more with this subliminal I'm learning important lessons.

[Asanti]

Congratulations on doing that sub. Wish I could do BASE 5G, but I'm little bit scared of a 6stage-sub myself after I tried it once... but even though I did only 50 days on BASE 5G 2 years ago it seems as though I've been still growing from this short run to this very day, so... six stage subs such as AM6 and BASE5G are really worth it.

Best of luck

[mat422]

Congratulations on doing that sub. Wish I could do BASE 5G, but I'm little bit scared of a 6stage-sub myself after I tried it once... but even though I did only 50 days on BASE 5G 2 years ago it seems as though I've been still growing from this short run to this very day, so... six stage subs such as AM6 and BASE5G are really worth it.

Best of luck

Thanks. You ran E2 right? The six stage subs might be easier for you now. I know running E2 for a while prepared me for AM6. A lot of fear of change was holding me back from integrating subs like AM6 into my life.

[Asanti]

Congratulations on doing that sub. Wish I could do BASE 5G, but I'm little bit scared of a 6stage-sub myself after I tried it once... but even though I did only 50 days on BASE 5G 2 years ago it seems as though I've been still growing from this short run to this very day, so... six stage subs such as AM6 and BASE5G are really worth it.

Best of luck

Thanks. You ran E2 right? The six stage subs might be easier for you now. I know running E2 for a while prepared me for AM6. A lot of fear of change was holding me back from integrating subs like AM6 into my life.

Yes, and I'm still running E2 - need more time on it. mhmm how nicely and accurately put, the fear of change... that's been my case too, too many layers of accumulated believes, states of being that were incongruent with the goal of the BASE 5G, experiences and emotions so that it was not possibile to deal with all that at once, I needed not only more time to process stuff but I actually needed E2 as well, to get past resistance...

BTW it's interesting to read your journal and see how you're doing on AM6 after E2