OGSF2: TIME TO FACE MY TRUE SELF

[MrGnome]

Hello and Welcome to OGSF2: TIME TO FACE MY TRUE SELF aka The Journey to self confidence part 1

The Sequel to OGSF5.9G: Time to meet my true self That I last used 6 months ago. 

V1 Helped me expressing myself without fear and made me slightly better at talking with strangers but not fully..

Between V1 and V2 Now I did: Howl for 2 month's and Aura of Love for 4 months..

So it's funny to do V2 so soon after V1 haha xD 

Anyway I'm now 3 days in: 

and the first 2 days I was very happy and had the feeling that everything would be alright. 

Today however: I became tired and started to worry about things in life again.. 

Like how to socialize with people in the first place, Being afraid of being single forever, Never seeing my friends again one day .. (I know I will see them march 9th but it's still a fear I have ever since D&D got on life support..) 

Although the fact that I'm now a part of a small theather club make things better, Even more so since people like my Performance and I'm still relying on People praising me..

At the same time I'm also tired of having so many events happening at once even more so since in the end I'm still and introvert (for as far as I know, Dont know if Subs/Exps can change that..) 

not to mention the feelings of awkwardness when I dont have anything to report at some moments.. but oh well I'm only 3 days in I'm sure things will get worst after 3 month's in and Better at month 6 : P.

Right now, I'm Just Tired and very annoyed at things going wrong (like my video editors that keeps crashing -_-) but yeah I'm curious to see what this Experience will bring me even more so compared to V1 : )

[Frosted]

OGSF2 is sometimes unpleasant, but it’s worth it in the long run! Good luck man and I’ll see you on the other side a better person!

[MrGnome]

OGSF2 is sometimes unpleasant, but it’s worth it in the long run! Good luck man and I’ll see you on the other side a better person!

Yeah you are right, also I'm already familliar with the tidal effect thanks to V1,So I'm not gonna stop no matter what! 

[MrGnome]

Also I'm Really getting annoyed of seeing Politics everywhere.... but I cant delete my Facebook because then I will acces to my friends and my groups content... sigh...

[MrGnome]

Day 5:

I'm not feeling fully depressed right now but I'm however feeling uncomfortable and my need to do something anything (even with stuff I love to do like playing games) is stronger than before I started this programm..

I really need to learn to relax and stop caring about everything...

I think the feeling I have is the being in danger mode feeling even when there is no direct danger.

[MrGnome]

Day 20:

Ya know,I'm not gonna lie it's not easy making a journale based on seeing results when you're not supposed to but oh well I'll keep trying : )

It's funny to see how I no longer have any problem with making a long journey to someone and back on the same day, Before I had to sleep at that person's home if it took a long time to get there.

This time is almost went fully smoothly (I forgot where my bus was depiste being at that station alot in the past,Although I was very sleepy do mayby that played a role either that or time pressure) but I had no problem asking where the bus was so everything went fine : )

for context: I had a meeting Yesterday with my friends and we had a good time : )

(Also My D&D session is comming back so thats another fear dead)

I also realised and confessed to 2 of my 4 friends that I had a fear that without D&D we would break appart (I did lose friends in the past afterall..)

And I realised that was another fear that was absolutely pointless in fact we might have another meeting soon again : D.

I know I still have a long way to go to be full of confidence and being a capable adult but for now I'm Happy and thats good,

I'm now at the start of my 6 days off now and I will only stop when the 6 month's are done!

Man!, I'm so glad I discovered this wonderfull shop and forum during 2020, I feel like everything is going to be okay, It might not always be easy but it will be okay : )

(despite being worried I might have been to late yesterday evening and getting a fear of having to sleep on the train station and being robbed during the sleep and being screwed because no money and mobile means stuck there forever.... but thats another fear that didn't came true thankfully xD)

[Shannon]

I smell progress. That's what we are all here for. Congratulations on making progress! Now you have to make more.

[MrGnome]

Day 21:

welp there are 2 things that changed again,

1:I feel more part of this world,I used to feel like I didn't fit in within this world (I guess this came from playing to much video games and watching tv shows/movies and being and spending much time at home..)

2:I just checked out my female co-worker today... I normally dont do this because it makes me feel like a creep and I still feel awkward about it but this time it just happend..

Luckly she didn't notice it or I would be in big trouble...

dont know if it's the sub/exp or not since I kinda did this before with someone who ironicly is now one of my friends...

although back then I did it way more subtle and mayby less creepy...

[Shannon]

"Creepy" is in the eye of the beholder. It's also used a lot by women these days to shame men just because they can, and it gets them attention for doing so. "Creepy" is a lot less common than most guys think, and when it happens, it's usually divisible into "genuinely creepy" and "this guy doesn't have enough experience with women to know how to express his interest yet". That latter one is just a situation where you have to learn how to express yourself in a socially acceptable way that she feels comfortable with.

For example, I would never have done the things I now do all the time with my girlfriend when we first met, because it wouldn't have been appropriate and she didn't know me well enough to be comfortable with these things. Then, it would have been creepy for her to have me to obviously look at her butt. Now she likes it, because she's familiar with me, she knows she can trust me, and she knows it's a compliment.

Genuine creepy is a situation where she feels uncomfortable with what you're doing and communicating because you haven't built the required relationship and trust yet and she doesn't feel safe as a result. The exact same thing (in some cases) can be perfectly acceptable after you have gotten to know each other well enough and she knows she is safe with you. Of course genuinely creepy behavior is usually coming from someone who is acting in a predatory manner and doing things that are socially unacceptable regardless. For example a blatantly guy trying to see up a random girl's skirt in public.

Guys who are concerned about "being creepy" are by definition almost never actually "being creepy" because genuinely creepy behavior results when the person (gals can be creepy too, been there and seen that first hand) doesn't have the self awareness or the awareness of acceptable social limits that prevents them from doing said creepy behavior.

Like I said, these days, a lot of women love to go on social media and claim someone is being/has been "creepy" just because it gets them attention and allows them to virtue signal. That sort of thing is BS, and it just makes guys not want to be around women.

[MrGnome]

You are right, I dont really have much dating experience,I had a few girl's who were into me in the past and dated 2 of them in the past (one of them when we were both 9 years old).

But this whole thing comes back to being used to people approaching me and the fact I never learned how to approach others myself, Lets alone know how to flirt or know how to show my interest...

Not to mention that I'm not that good at small talk and because I'm always have asleep I'm also slower with process information being told to me.... wich makes it harder for me to know how to respons to people anyway.

(and yet I always got friends at school and people to like me at work, So somehow I think I'm still doing something right?)

[MrGnome]

Day 30th:

Ya know I have been tired alot on past experiences but HS! Today is really horrible (also didn't help that I went to bed later then usuale)....

Also doesn't help with weight loss.. but on the bright side, I now Know the importance of good sleep.. but yeah I hope I will become less tired as the time goes on (I just finished 1/6 afterall..)

Also kinda funny and sad how I keep switching between confident and insecure about the same thing (or in this case a 3+ hour travel to a theme park on the same day back and forth.. although the next one's on a thursday wich may not be ideal when you have to work on a friday..)

So at the same time It kinda makes sense to be more insecure about this one than the last one I did because that was a Saterday.. and I was less Tired then I'm now... I start to think that mayby not drinking enough water might also play a roll in this but I'm not sure...

Oh well.. Lets see what the next 5 month's will bring.. "Yawn!"

P.S I noticed that my Porn usesage has increased lately wich might also not be very usefull hehe..

[Shannon]

Porn usage is commonly correlated to efforts to self medicate and/or escape uncomfortable feelings, as well as efforts to deplete energy to do something feared.

[MrGnome]

Porn usage is commonly correlated to efforts to self medicate and/or escape uncomfortable feelings, as well as efforts to deplete energy to do something feared.

Yeah,That does make sense.

Day 47: 

Welp this is interesting, Last Friday and Yesterday I was extreemly tired (more then usuale) but today I'm very happy and got alot more energy despite still being a little bit tired! 

I also noticed that during sleeping yesterday I felt that feeling of love again that I remembered from using aura of love so that was also awesome. 

normally I would look at tomorrow with fear, because my job coach will show up again and we probably have a conversation about things I do wrong and remembering things wrong... 

but now even while thinking about it, It still doesn't take my happiness away . 

I'm also going to fully embrace it for now, Because it might leave me again later. (I'm aware of having shifting results)

Oh I also start to get desires to get out of the house more often.  

Dont have much to do yet but I realize that just walking around the street and enjoying the wheather is okay.  

but hey I'm almost 2 month's in! (12 more days to go for the 2 month's) and I'm already feeling awesome Thanks Shannon  

Can't wait to see what the next 4 month's and 12 days will give me

[Topaz]

That's sounds pretty good!
Being happy is a good sign