Transcendental Sith Lord's UMSv2 Journal/ Few weeks of E5

[DarthXedonias]

Well, plenty has happened.

Basically have had myself fall deeper into that future identity and it truly feels like I am getting the underlying meaning behind the sub and on how to get what I want. I feel like there was a sort of wealth ceiling for me that has now come down because I feel deserving of more. If I had to rank myself now I believe the goals of the sub are the primary belief system now. I do feel like I just need more practice in getting what I want and that's all if that makes sense.

While this was happening I did have some stuff happen. I blocked that one guy I mentioned (he essentially was about to block me anyway so I blocked him first). It stung a little bit because I had known this guy for about 2-3 years but given the timing it was essentially headed that way because I am growing at an extreme rate while he refuses to deal with his issues. Mainly the trauma and abuse he suffered instead of really dealing with it he just has used it to cause him to have this distinct anger and aggressiveness in his personality. Yeah it helps him get some of the stuff he wants but at a very big cost usually. Needlesss the say the last meeting was bad enough to show me he really wasn't alpha or logical like he said he was all the time. He literally attacks guys for being simps, acting like women, etc then he literally acts hyper emotional in circumstances like that where he just kept on escalating the situation. After that I realized this really did need to happen because its obvious I was not really having much growth with this guy around.

I do admit I was tempted for a bit to do something that really would have screwed him over personally but I resisted the urge to do so. Its not worth it in the end. I think what got me was at one point I just point blank told him "hey, you can work yourself to death all you want and that is your business but I think it might be better for us to not talk for a while until your business schedule evens out more (essentially because he is literally only getting a few hours of sleep each day or none at all which is causing him to be emotionally unstable in my opinion) as I don't want to deal with the fall out right now". To this he replied "Well here while don't I help you with something more permanent. Cue the music" to which I knew at that point it was no point. He was about to block me so I just blocked him. Just the fact that he had the nerve to even do that kind of asshole and arrogant draw to it irked me the wrong way. Made me realize... no point in being even friends with someone who has unresolved trauma, etc. If they ain't taking care of it, as should be their responsibility, it ain't your responsibility to do it for them.

Granted I feel like my vibration is really high up there right now so I think the people I will be attracting into my life now will be a lot more emotionally balanced, etc. Part of the reason why I feel like I'm questioning why I'm even talking to certain people and now newer people are arriving in my life. Seems like I am still in a sort of transition at this point. I feel myself executing the sub no problem its just now things have to sort of rearrange themselves externally to reflect what has happened internally. I have to say internally I'm very happy and joyful now and have no shame in being that way. I think that might be another reason why I'm reevaluating who I am associating with now. If they are just too angry or depressed I just don't want to be around them.

As for other things I just feel like since diving into this identity more I just feel more focused and know what I have to do instead of feeling lost like in a lot of points in my life. I will try to update here if more stuff comes up and given the quick pace of growth I'm sure more stuff will indeed be coming up.

[KingDavid93]

Hi @DarthXedonias

What is your current usage of this sub like?

Which stage, format, # of loops, days on/off, etc

[DarthXedonias]

Hi @DarthXedonias

What is your current usage of this sub like?

Which stage, format, # of loops, days on/off, etc

Honestly, its probably best if you find the usage that works for you because I doubt my usage is going to work as well for you. Literally only once every week at 2 loops ultrasonic lol. Apparently I don't need as much input as other people. 


In other news Still doing well. Still slightly hurt from that last interaction but ya know I came to understand something which I think is the point. For some people who go through Trauma and abuse instead of being victims they decide to be the victimizers. They essentially decide to get angry and use that anger but not very well. They essentially turn into the same person as their abusers essentially and since their mentality seem to be hurt others before they hurt me or even for the slightest feeling of being hurt they overreact. The problem with this type as well is that they literally know exactly how to hurt people. They know exactly what words to say, what way to say them, etc because its their job to know how to hurt people. Its interesting because after all this I'm able to actually analyze what is was actually going on and once I'm able to understand what was going on I was able to significantly get over it a lot quicker. I have learned a lesson from this however. Definitely stay away from angry people with trauma and abuse in their past. Seems like obvious advice but sometimes the thing is these time are able to mask their anger as confidence. 

The lesson has been learned though and I will keep a watch out for these people for now on. Interestingly I should have realized this because I had learned this particular individual seems to have "burned bridges" eventually with most people he knows. Should have been a warning sign but oh well live and learn. I am surprised with how I'm able to analyze this as I said, learn the lesson and move on now. I already know who I am and where I am going in life so no need to have such things affect me too much anymore. Its already in the past and the past is unchangeable really. No point focusing on things you can't change. Granted, I won't lie even though I'm starting to move on there is still a part of me that wants to do that option I talked about that just wants to hurt back for some reason. I won't go into much detail but lets say this particular individual is literally doing something against the law (not something that would land him in jail) but in the way that he's doing a certain job with fake credentials and also breaking another law while doing so. 

I'm just being authentic and honest in this journal regarding the struggle it is to tell that certain part of myself that wants me to give in and just send that one email that would totally blow up his entire career if all this was discovered but I resist it so far. Something just tells me that is going to cause more damage than it should be and it might have unforeseen consequences. Not to mention given Shannon's talk of Karma before I'm not sure I want the blow back from that no matter how much that certain part of me feels they are justified in doing so. The reason I mention all this is because in this journal I want to be as authentic and honest as possible. That means even being honest about those darker impulses that most of us try to hide from the world. I'm not here to be some rando on the internet who wants people to see me a certain way and have a certain "brand". There's too much of that in the world today and not enough people willing to be honest with others and be honest with themselves. 

Anyway, if anyone wants to give any advice or their feelings on the matter i'm all ears. Maybe there is a perspective someone else can give that I haven't considered and might finding enlightening. As for everything else going on I do find that I am able to more easily get to working on my CS work. I'm actually motivated to spend the next month doing nothing but studying so I can get through as many courses as possible. I want this degree done so I can get into a much more lucrative and interesting career. Also as I said before I need to start saving up money for a deposit for a home loan to get property (most likely in Latin America at this point). I think I'm just going to focus on this the most and hopefully get done as soon as possible. Still means I will have to take some time to practice some of the major coding languages though. 

For some reason though I find I am able to more easily learn things. I'm not sure if that is because of the "learn what you need to" part of UMSv2 or if it is some latent left over from my time on MLS. I had thought about going back to MLS after my one month on stage 4 since I know for a fact I would actually get good results now since I have basically removed most of the garbage out of my mind at this point. I have become a completely different person over these last few months. I did also forget one other thing I forgot to mention. That same night I had that last interaction with that guy I had another last interaction with another women it seems. So basically it kind of confirmed the idea that I am moving up on a different level in life and leaving behind all the people who want to stay at the same level. For this particular women I was already starting to feel it was going to end and why I was even staying there. To be honest her attitude was starting to be like that of a total brat. So I'm actually not as upset about that one. Yeah it was wasted time in the end but hey means I won't waste even more time and she becomes someone elses problem. I will never understand these type of women where if you help them out they have the arrogance to think they are owed that and that they shouldn't be thankful for anything. Sounds like total hubris really. 

Lastly I do feel like I'm kind of disconnected from other people at the moment. Its not that I can't have feelings for someone or anything like that its just that I feel like I have less in common with them. Ever since I started getting my identity from the future instead of the past it just feels like that puts me a step above a lot of people. Like I'm really not as concerned with their opinions while they are literally being controlled by their own persona pasts or the past of the cultures they are in. I also feel so much more alive. I'm more easily able to change and adapt to overcome the situations I might find myself in. 

Anyway, I think that's about all for now. Not much else I can think of at the moment. Will update when something else comes up.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, that didn't last long.

So I took a nap during break last night for work and then when I woke up I suddenly felt changed. As if something inside me had awoken. I'm not totally sure what but I feel as if a certain part of me knows what to do going forward now. I don't know how but its just this instinct. Also I noticed last night was one of the first times I was able to study practically most of my shift for my degree. Usually I could go 1 hour or an hour and half then get bored then switch to some youtube videos to listen to but now there seems to really be a drive to just get this shit done during work where I could potentially get 8 hours of studying done a night really. If I were able to keep this up for a month I'm pretty sure I would barely have any classes left before graduation. So going to try to keep at this for a bit.

I did come to another realization last night as well. Not only move love for myself but also that I really do love the women I am in contact with at the moment and they seem to be really genuine. I think after I especially dropped that one girl who didn't seem as genuinely interested in me things just have fallen into place. More than anything seems like since I dropped those 2 problematic people out of my life things are really starting to look a lot better. I will keep with screening people I allow into my life more carefully now. If I see they have emotional issues or unresolved traumas and I don't see them actually doing anything to work on these I'm going to stay away from them. I'm starting to find these people are just so scared of dealing with their traumas that they do nothing and therefore unleash their traumas on to everyone else they are involved in.

As for the temptation thing I mentioned before I think I'm over it. After I woke up I just felt numb and more indifferent to the whole thing. Why would I do such a thing when its not really going to change anything? All it would be is me lashing out for being hurt and I know I'm better than that at this point. I am somewhat annoyed that part of me still has to go through this grieving or hurt process. Sure it has sped up by an enormous amount but its more that I'm annoyed part of me has to even go through this to a degree seeing as sooner or later I know it resolves itself and i move on anyway. So why even bother with this whole process? Maybe its just the consequence of being partly emotional creatures. It just feels like all that energy and time could best be used on other things even if its only for a few days at most.

I do think I am even more determined to reach my goals now. I have an general idea of what I have to do but I need to fill in some of the specifics. I do know for sure though in the future I will need to run maybe both MLS and then the updated version when it comes out and then also maybe one of the psychic subs eventually when they come out. I do think once the new DMSI is out I will run that for quite a while until something else good comes out. The reason I want to run it is because of the better amount of tech involved and the fact that there would obviously be a spill over effect. What I mean by that is that even though it would be primarily clear up things in the way of sexual success it obviously would still clean up things that would spill over into other areas. So I think doing that with something that could reach even deeper into the subconscious would be good for me. I do hope we aren't too far from 6G now as I can only imagine how fast acting and how good it would be at fear removal. I don' know, at this point I want even more growth and more ability to move forward. I want to get to a point where most shit is basically dealt with and I can run any sub with minimal resistance.

I would also like to add even though I haven't mentioned it before I think I have also not had the urge to look at porn I think since stage 3 or 4. Just no interest whatsoever. I think that was a coping mechanism for something and after the root cause was dealt with I've had no reason to watch it. I think all that energy wasted on that has been moved to other areas that are more beneficial. Anyway, that's about it for now. Will update again soon.

[DarthXedonias]

Quick update before I got to work for the night.

Turned out the girl I mentioned didn't actually block me. We did have one thing happen though where she said something she shouldn't have, realized it, then deleted the messages but it was already too late. Wrote a long message then basically blocked her. That wasn't the end though as she went to her friend and borrowed her phone to contact me on whatsapp and begged me to forgive her and unblock her. I did after a talking to and then I gave her another talking to a bit later (more of a heart felt one). The thing is with this chick is that she isn't a bad woman per say the problem comes in how she handles disappointment, etc. Its like when that happens she does have the impulse control and stuff flies out of her mouth without thinking about it then afterwards she might realize what she did. I gave her one more chance but after this no more. I have too many options now and honestly I think that's part of the reason why she tries to be more careful a little bit though she is still working on it.

Its funny I think I am the only guy that has ever treated her this way and not put up with her shit. Its comical at times. The funny part was I think at one point she mentioned how she could easily get guys if she wanted, blah blah blah and then as soon as I blocked her later she came running back to beg for forgiveness. Basically all talk but when you call her bluff she ain't anything. She is just a scared little girl pretty much. I'm guessing because she is used to that working on guys and lesser men caving to her I guess. Either way she has one more chance to clean up or I'm gone.

I'm happy to say I took my final test for a course and passed the first time. So I basically have 17 courses left in the degree which given my new found determination I have no issue studying now and actually look forward to it. I really will see how much I can get through of the remainder in a month. To be honest even though the current job pays well it is really boring to me now. It seems I am fully committed to the work in my field now. I now know all I have to do is just keep on trying and moving forward. As long as I don't give up I will reach my goal in this field.

Also one other important thing has happened and I now realize what has been happening the past few days. I don't know why but it felt like all the fragments of what has been going through my mind the past few days finally coalesced into something meaningful. I now more fully understand what I need to do. I also realize my mind is pushing me towards self mastery and to enforce order upon chaos in my mind. Though there are parts of my mind , I assume the basic and primitive instincts, that are inherently chaotic within my mind. These are also the darker parts of the mind it would seem. It seems for these you can't enforce order on to them "but" you can guide the chaos a bit. Like the path of rocks guides a stream of water down the hill. Of course as I realized in that analogy the water does end up wearing down the rocks. So in this case you need extreme self control and willpower to control that section of the mind but staying too long in there does wear down the will. So best not to stay in those parts of the mind as I did experience later today when i realized I could access these parts of the mind more easily.

I realized why as well. The fear is not there. I realized in order to direct any part of yourself having no fear is important because that part of the mind will use that fear as a gateway or method of control. Regardless I can kind of see why I am being pushed in this direction of self mastery over all aspects of myself mentally. Some level of self mastery and self discipline is necessary in order to achieve great things. All I feel this this feeling for more growth and to go deeper. I desire it more than anything at the moment so that I might become what I need to become, in the right time and place, so that I might get what it is that I want in this life. I realize now this impacts even further those who get what they want from those who don't get what they want. Those that get what they want generally are willing to do things they don't even like to do, to even face their own weaknesses and fears in order to get what they want. They are hungry enough for it to say to hell to anything that gets in their way.

Its funny because even though I love the women I am with right now and they are really loyal and loving. Despite all that if I were to lose them (as in we broke up, etc) so that I might accomplish my life goals then so be it. I realize I don't need some women to complete me. I am already complete and moving towards better and better levels of myself. All I have is this all consume desire to move forward no matter the obstacles. Fear, pain, sufferings they are not things to be cowered from they are things meant to be overcome and I will overcome them regardless. I will run to them if I have to if I know overcoming them will make me better than I was. I feel truly alive for once in my life. For most of my life I felt like an empty husks but now I truly desire something. I desire growth, strength, tenacity, self discipline, self mastery, and power. If I need to suffer for those then so be it.

[DarthXedonias]

Well a few updates.

If you all remember I had essentially bought components for a new super rig for about 3,500 USD. Most of the components have already arrived but I was missing the case and the Video card. As you might remember I saved about 2k off the video card buying from an international seller over domestically where now scalpers are scalping the hell out of video cards right now along with the GPU shortage. Unfortunately it had turned out they lost my case in the mail. So instead of waiting a bit longer I decided to ask for a refund and the seller on Amazon promptly today did the refund. I decided that I should then just buy another case but I really liked the one I picked so I looked on google to see if it was being sold somewhere else. They all seemed to be the same price or just a little lower and wanted more for shipping.

In the end I had the idea of buying from the company directly so i went to their site. Low and behold I find it for about close to 25 USD lower. I get to checkout and see the option for a discount coupon. I decide "what the hell" and look on google to see if there are any working discount coupons. I found one and saved roughly another 5 USD off the price. Also given the price of the case they off free shipping. So in the end because of this whole fiasco I end up saving about 30 dollars overall off the case than I would have originally paid. So sounds like UMS at work to me.

I did decide though to send the AMD processor I had back though as I thought about it a bit longer and decide if I'm going to do AI and Machine learning down the road I will just upgrade from the AMD 12 core processor to the 16 core processor. I already will have a good GPU so just want to make sure I squeeze out even more performance out of this thing.

As for other things I had another DMSI TID in the middle of the night last night of all things. I don't know how powerful and efficient this new 5.80G is going to be but holy shit it seems powerful. I don't know if maybe its a combination of how powerful the tech is and the fact that I've done so much clearing of issues these past few months so I'm probably even more sensitive to TID now as I'm not resisting it as much. What I felt though was totally out of this world and amazing. It was a mixture of this feeling of pure love and desire. Its a kind of state where you know this strong combination is over coming your logical thinking but you don't care because you love the feeling so much and would do almost anything for the person who would make you feel this way. Mind you I think this was Shannon's point though when over a few months ago he said he wanted to get enough feeling so that the affected will act but they only act if they really want to. During that whole thing I realized on a logical sense what was going on but I didn't care and wanted to do so anyway. So it was still out of free will. I would be fully aware of what was going on and I was ok with giving into it and letting it all happen.

The funny thing is I realized during this state not only would the affected maybe want to have those type of feelings for the user but the user might in return might be high up on such emotions. I have to be honest even though its been a really long time since a DMSI release I'm actually happy it ended up this way. I rather now have a DMSI that is 5.80G than if it had come out much earlier this year at say 5.75.6G or so. Even though if there is a next version that might be paid given how I'm being affected by this version I would gladly pay for a 6G version once that is out. I have a very good feeling that this version is definitely going to consistently work for me. I definitely put in the work the last few months to make sure all the nonsense from my past is dead and done with. I'm way more concerned with the future which is where my identity is in my opinion. I feel as though this sub will just be another step towards all this. I also realized during that TID last night I most definitely need to run it for another reason. Not so much for the sex though that is an add benefit but I want to explore and understand that combination of love and desire a lot more. I have never felt in my life a combination quite that potent before.

I don't think it clicked an addication aspect or anything. No this is a combination of curiosity and trying to understand. I can remember when I felt those things telling myself "So this is the kind of love and desire, the true potent kind that one might feel for another that truly makes them want to do what they can for the other person. The feeling that the other person provides them is enough to get the other person to act in a very unselfish way". It was quite amazing to me and I do want to see this for myself. Its funny though because after this experience I realized if you could elicit these feelings in another woman you don't really have to worry about her doing dumb things like a false rxpe accusation or similar things. The mere consequence of these type of feelings and emotions makes the person who feels them want to do right by the other person to the best of their ability. Though I admit if said woman is already fucking crazy she might think the best thing for you is to be stuck with her no matter what lol. Anyway, I really look forward to seeing how this plays out honestly and to use this product though I don't know for how long I will use it for. Probably until something I think that I need comes out with much better tech.

Anyway, that's about it for now. Can't really think of anything else at the moment that I could update on. Well except one other thing. That so called "friend" I lost. By the 4th day or so of some part of me still being upset about it and then it tried to even run past the idea of trying to apologize or try someway to talk again with that person I finally put my foot down. I remember Shannon doing stuff like talking and reasoning with that part of himself or inner child in some post so I tried similar though I'm probably a lot more firmer on Shannon when it comes to that. I literally put my foot down and said we aren't doing any of that and named all the reasons why it was a good thing that happened and it was inevitable. After a while of bettering myself for a long time now I know when I'm starting to grow and starting to get disconnected from those I usually talk to. Its usually because I'm growing and they are refusing to grow or are stagnating. For this person's case he basically kept going on and on about how great he was, etc but at the same time refused to deal with his past traumas and issues (of which there was a ton I might add).

So he kept on patting himself on the back... while at the same time avoiding confronting the past that was literally influencing his actions and decisions constantly. Good example he had anger issues which he had convinced himself were "helping him". I don't think its helping when you literally are looking online at youtube comments or articles so that you can get angry at them and then bitch about them later constantly. Nor is it healthy that when a "person" from a certain "group" messes with you you then looking online for validation as to why "everyone" from that "group" is horrible. Either way I let that part of me know what the deal was and that we certainly weren't going to try to fix things after the shit he pulled during that final communication. I also let it know that we knew where it was heading for months before as I was seeing the inevitable signs of why I start distancing myself from someone (person is fine with logic in certain areas of his life but then is totally devoice of it or doesn't want to be logical in areas he is emotionally or ego invested in, his dedication to the truth is totally dependent on his "feelings" in certain areas, etc). I also let that part know that I'm not dumb. We've been easily disconnecting people from our lives over the last few months easily and with little thought. So it knows how to do this but it wants to know do it for this toxic person who has now turned their toxicity on to us? Yeah, I wasn't having that.

After that talk I immediately felt better and then I think the next day I was totally over it. That part that was resisting letting go finally let go. I think it had to do with the fact that that person was really the last segment to my past over the last 3 to 4 years. I think also it was the part that was resisting because it knew if it had that person around it could still kind of "stall" my growth, etc due to the toxic influence of the individual in question. This became very apparent as a few days after that I just felt amazing and with so much purpose. It seemed that something else had cleared up and I was able to better look at my future and determine what I needed to do to prepare for that future. So in the end as I guessed this did need to happen even though it didn't feel that grate but the end result was I felt even better. Also I felt even less qualms with actually feeling happy and confident . As if this was becoming my default state now.

Anyway, that's everything so far. Don't know but I might keep running this sub for another week or 2 then stop to get ready for DMSI.

[DarthXedonias]

Well, actually have another powerful experience to record here and yet another transformation.

I actually feel whole and complete at this point. Basically the internal fighting has stopped between the different sides of myself. Its like I went through phases while leading up to listening to the sub again. First was a phase was this weariness phase. The thing that kept on going through my head before I listened was "I'm just so tired of resisting anymore". It also just felt like a major part of me was just weary at this point and I don't know how to describe it but it felt this internal feeling of shifting realities I guess. Like I was just at that point of just wanting to give in.

Then I believe when I started to listen to the sub I just started talking outloud to the different part of myself. I hadn't really done this much besides in that other post a few days ago but it seemed to work. I just realized that the messages and beliefs I was getting from the culture and society around me had convinced me that I needed to be weary, despize or even hate parts of myself. I think this probably convinced some other levels of myself as well to be weary of each other. Another thing that has been revealed to me over the last few months was finally applied here. There are no heroes, there are no villains there are just humans. Those humans can be manifestations of the worst of humanity or they can choose to be manifestations of the very best of humanity, or anything between those 2. There is no villainous part of me or heroic part. There is just me and the different aspects. Those aspects of me that I express have their right time and right place. There is no absolutist, static version of me. What is me is constantly in motion and constantly changing.

I threw off the absolutist nonsense a long time ago. I finally applied all this that the sub was trying to get me to understand and just said to all myself that I a love and appreciate all aspects of myself. Even those parts that one might consider "dark". The reason being that even those aspects of me have their time, place and purpose. I am a biological machine that got here through millions of years of evolution and those other evolutionary beings before me making choices in order to survive in a cruel and at times unforgiving world. The firmware and instincts I have are their for a reason. Its just about knowing when and where to express them. I even told those parts of myself that who are we to fight each other? for what exactly? Are we not to stand together unified? Who was it that told us we should fight among ourselfs exactly? A world and culture that as we saw at times couldn't give a shit about us to begin with.

Its funny as this seemed to resonate. I just felt this jumble of emotions from different aspects. Its as if a light bubble went off. "Why are we fighting each other at the behest of the outside world exactly? Because of the belief systems they have told us? Why should we believe in those things anymore?" That's when I felt it. The anger. The multiple places of anger that was no longer directed at each other but the external world and in that their was a unification. With that a kind of bond founded and all fighting ceased. It felt as though then they all decided to move towards one purpose and one mind. I felt in my mind all the parts becoming integrated I believe the word would be. I felt whole and complete and still continue to feel so.

It is a very different feeling. I feel so very confidant right now and sure of myself. Even I find now if I make a mistake I just correct myself and move on without any guilt or shame. I am done fighting myself. Regarding fear something interesting happened with that. I don't know if it would make complete logical sense. Its as if I came to the realization that some part of me (an instinct I guess) is fear. If it is a part of me and I have accept even that then why should I "fear" myself? Why should I fear, for example, something external to myself? The source of the fear isn't the object or person, the source is myself. If I have accepted that part of myself and understood it then why should I be afraid of it? Its interesting that now if I see something that would have feared me all I see, in my minds eye, is myself staring back at me. With that in mind there is no need to fear it anymore. Once you understand the fear there is no more need to fear it.

Since all this has happened I have generally been happy and feeling complete. I admit the day after I had this slight headache that lasted all day but at the same time I felt good. I think also this was due to a lot, a lot of stress and tension having left my body. My body feels completely relaxed and without worry really. That feeling of completeness is still there. I do think it might have been "too" much comfort and relaxation (or I hadn't gotten used to it yet) that first day afterwards as i didn't really get anything done. I also have this feeling now of "flowing" through life. Not in the bad sense but in the sense that everything seems so much more interconnected and everything seems to just be flowing the right way into each other.

I think that's about all the important parts of what has happened. Stage 4 definitely seems to be very hard hitting. I will say as well that at this point given what has happened I could run any sub no matter the generation and get results at this point. Its funny because I've also gotten other instances of TID from DMSI and now its even more powerful. Its like I just feel like in those states I can get sex anytime I want with no issue. I can just have sex then get back to doing whatever I need to do. Its funny as well that I have reconnected with some previous chicks I had known and my taste in women is less restricted now than they were before (probably some fear being cleared up). Speaking of that I do think my fear of dating domestically is basically gone as well after a lot of that fear was cleared up.

Anyway, I think that's about everything. Will do another post when I feel it is important to update.

[MegaMan]

Massive kudos to you DarthXedonias. From reading your journals I think you are living up to your name, profile picture, and signature. Truly becoming that person that's embodied there. Much respect.

May the wind always be at your back
MM

[DarthXedonias]

Currently running E5 for a bit while waiting for DMSI though i given the results I have thought of just running this a bit longer even if it comes out. Since I'm not sure if I will continue after DMSI comes out I rather not open another thread so i will just post this here. I think out of all the posts I have ever made this will probably be the most important to date honestly.

The short of it is I have become what E5 intended more or less. Its interesting I already felt the fear, guilt, shame and trauma slowly dissolving but it was when I finally ran it this week that the dame broke as it were. Before that though a few days earlier I already knew the dame was going to break beforehand when I next did my playthrough of the sub. Essentially I was driving and I don't know why my mind suddenly went to it but as I was driving for my job and listening to music i finally felt it. Its hard to describe but its a kind of feeling I get whenever I experience either TID or there is some deep part of my subconscious that is being worked on. Its like this feeling of deep clarity.

This part will sound somewhat morbit but I realized I needed to die and I started to cry while driving. When i say die I don't mean really physically but it felt really, real to this part of my mind of. It was some kind of of existential realization of my own mortality staring me in the face and that this "death" was necessary in order for the "other" one to come. It was then i realized that the next time I played the sub (I felt it deeply) I would die. Something interesting happened though, I cried but at the same time I felt all of me within my mind to see it through. It felt it necessary and not only that honorable in a way. I was willing to sacrifice all that I am for he that I would become. Isn't that worth the sacrifice? isn't the version you see as what you want to become worth the sacrifice of all that you currently are?

This all seemed reasonable to me and in someway I felt proud of this decision. To sacrifice one's self for one's self. Most of all the hesitancy from this decision was gone and I knew the next time I was on cycle it would be no more and I was fine with this. Well earlier this week happened and it was true. Started playing the sub and automatically I just felt this dissolving of everything I was and I was willing to remove all that I was so that the new person could come into this world and more forward in my place. I guess I saw this this way because what I was vs what I would become was so blindly different from each other that they might as well be 2 different people.

I'm happy to say I am totally different now. There is an extreme amount of confidence and happiness in me. I know my former self when it felt happy would feel this kind of shame or guilt for feeling happy. Now I feel none of that while feeling joy and happiness. Basically all the junk has been removed, a new basis has been established and I have moved on. I still have memories from the past but its like I rarely think of them anymore and feel like I have no emotional connection to them anymore really. Feels like a totally different person. Fear, guilt and shame just really aren't there anymore. I know what this all was. This was the time where I made deliberate, really choice of my own free will. I felt it in the car that for once in my life I actually made a really, concrete decision based on my own will. Not based on the fears, shame and guilt my mother or society imposed on me. This has made me gain more appreciation for Shannon's work. In the aspect that he could easily use fear, guilt, or shame to get results with the subs but he hasn't. He hasn't gone the route that most of society uses to impose that on you. He is trying to reason with you to get you to make the decision yourself. For that i appreciate his efforts in this regards.

Its interesting that while in that car the few days earlier that I just knew that at this point I wasn't using my feelings or trying make myself "feel" like a changed person. It was a simple, deliberate, confidant choice to change at that point that my subconscious followed through on. I am confidant now beyond a shadow of a doubt now that any subs I run after this will work. The bases and foundation has been totally shifted and I willingly decided to sacrifice what I was in order to become what I wanted to be. I am completely satisfied with these results though I have noticed one thing. Since the fear , etc is gone I now need to find another way to motivate myself in certain things (my degree program right now is a good example of that). I also noticed there is such a severe level of comfort and relaxation that it just feels like my body and muscles feel very soft. Just constantly relaxed and not stressed at all. My mind feels the same way. Not a bad thing.. but it gives off this feeling of like being awake and having energy but also wanting to go to sleep at times. Like I could just lay down at anytime with no issue.

I would like to say also before this last cycle that one thing that was revealed to me as well was that the major thing getting in my way was that I wouldn't "believe". Like even if I got the results for a bit from a sub I would keep on doubting or fearing that the results wouldn't stay which then caused it to happen. I just wouldn't believe and then once this was pointed out to me I jumped a major hurdle which then led to me being able to totally reform the foundations of my thoughts.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I've basically more or less absorbed what E5 wanted me to become and I can say its been well worth it.

[Shannon]

Your reports are more helpful than you know.

[Superman]

Yes, very helpful. 

I feel like maybe you and I are going down similar paths at the same time.  I recently experienced a sort of "death". The rules prohibit me from going into details but I feel like parts of the old me are now laid to rest.

I think I might need to run e5 for a bit

[DarthXedonias]

@Shannon Glad I could help. I did want to ask you as well do you know if subconscious boredom can be affected by clearing? I cause I did realize during UMS that I do get subconscious boredom quickly but I wonder if after this major shift any of that can change. Or is that aspect just part of someone's personality and it can't really be affected? Also I did realize something that was touched upon when you and Catman have discussed things (sorry for bringing you into this Catman but this does have to do with something regarding a conversation between you two). I believe at one time you said their was a type of skepticism which isn't "real" skepticism. I forgot what you called it.

I believe when it came to the 2nd week when i had to deal with the whole "belief" thing I realized I had a similar problem. It was like part of me only wanted to execute if it saw "evidence" that it works. I then realized at that time this was total nonsense finally. The only way to see if it works would be to execute and that entails fully committing to the instructions and fully "believing" them. So I ended up just saying "screw it" and just fully given into it. The worst that could happen is that I was wrong. Also this is part of actual science. If you want to know if something works or a theory is correct you actually have to run experiments. There is no way around that. Simply saying "I won't execute until there is evidence" while refusing to do the experiments, which require you to fully execute the sub and believe it, which in part will get you the evidence you need is totally dumb and seems to be a stalling tactic.

@Superman I would recommend it. To be honest after a while I was thinking to myself I really should have been running E5 this entire time instead of UMS2. Yes UMS2 still got me some inner changes and a few results but I feel like I would have gotten way more out of it if I had run E5 for a good few months then maybe return to another sub (though E5 didn't come out until after UMS2 if I remember correctly). I think at this level of tech as well its just easier to deal with a way more simple and straightforward stuff like E5 is trying to get you to do (healing, clearing, fear guilt and shame removal, etc) which then will pave the path for more advance stuff like UMS2 which if you did first you have to get rid of all the junk in the way at the same time that your trying to install new beliefs. I am contemplating as I said maybe running for a few months more even if DMSI comes out so I can just be done with all the junk that is in the way once and for all.

[Shannon]

@Shannon Glad I could help. I did want to ask you as well do you know if subconscious boredom can be affected by clearing? I cause I did realize during UMS that I do get subconscious boredom quickly but I wonder if after this major shift any of that can change. Or is that aspect just part of someone's personality and it can't really be affected? Also I did realize something that was touched upon when you and Catman have discussed things (sorry for bringing you into this Catman but this does have to do with something regarding a conversation between you two). I believe at one time you said their was a type of skepticism which isn't "real" skepticism. I forgot what you called it.

I believe when it came to the 2nd week when i had to deal with the whole "belief" thing I realized I had a similar problem. It was like part of me only wanted to execute if it saw "evidence" that it works. I then realized at that time this was total nonsense finally. The only way to see if it works would be to execute and that entails fully committing to the instructions and fully "believing" them. So I ended up just saying "screw it" and just fully given into it. The worst that could happen is that I was wrong. Also this is part of actual science. If you want to know if something works or a theory is correct you actually have to run experiments. There is no way around that. Simply saying "I won't execute until there is evidence" while refusing to do the experiments, which require you to fully execute the sub and believe it, which in part will get you the evidence you need is totally dumb and seems to be a stalling tactic.
[snip]

Boredom is the result of the beliefs you hold, the point of view you hold and the choices you make.  It is therefore quite possible that changing yourself your boredom responses can also change. 

The two types of skepticism are natural and antagonistic.  "Natural skepticism" is simply not accepting something until and unless you have reasonable evidence to support it's validity.  There is no hidden agenda, nor is there any preference as to what to believe; you are simply trying to determine what is true, and accepting what you have enough evidence to validate only when you have sufficiently validated it.

"Antagonistic skepticism" is really just a fear based manipulation and sabotage tactic.  The person fears the truth of X or the results of achieving X, and therefore tries to prevent it from affecting themselves by attacking and sabotaging it.  This is really commonly used by people who claim to be using science to back up their argument, but they frequently use lots of subtle psychological manipulations and what is effectively misinformation and sleight of hand to cause the thing they're afraid of to be perceived by others as being false, bad, foolish to accept as true, ridiculous, childish, whatever negative thing they can use to prevent it from being validated, used, effective, or provable.

One way this can be exploited is by taking the (seemingly reasonable) position that "I'll believe it when I have 'real' proof.", which is the sleight of hand.  It causes people to presume that the "skeptic" is being reasonable, and accept their position as valid and reasonable.  Then they find ways to deny, refute, ignore, refuse to accept, and so on, any and all valid evidence that would and does actually prove what they're "being skeptical of".  (Moving the goalposts to negate, ignore and or disregard the validity of evidence against them is common in this.) In the process, they again use psychological sleight of hand to mislead and confuse the onlookers (and in some cases, themselves) into believing their point of view and refusal to accept what is actually valid evidence, is reasonable, thus causing the onlooker (or themselves) to conclude incorrectly that the valid evidence is not valid.

The result is a self fulfilling prophecy.  I will only believe X when I have 'real' proof.  I refuse to accept any actual proof of the validity of X, so X is not accepted because I have no 'real' proof of it's validity.  In the case of subliminals, it is a condition of refusing to execute because "there is no 'real' proof", when the act of execution is required to achieve the proof.  The refusal to execute seems reasonable because "there is no proof", and the slight of hand is in the refusal to accept valid evidence, or allow valid evidence to be accomplished through execution.  It is a self fulfilling prophecy that allows the "skeptic" to get nowhere and convince themselves that they are perfectly justified in doing so.  And you're right, there is no way around the fact that in this case, execution is required to observe the evidence that the "skeptic" in this case is demanding in order to execute.  So the process fails and the "skeptic" claims that the subliminal doesn't work, when in reality they chose to sabotage the execution that would have made it work.

[CatMan]

Thanks, Darth...

Anyway, the thought of one, especially one who has mightily struggled all his life with girls, simply listening to a sub, that then makes him sexually attractive to females he finds sexually attractive, purely because he is sexually attracted to them, and to the degree he is to them, and then to initiate sexual contact with him, with no granular explanation on HOW that happens due to "trade secrets", with also claiming it doesn't violate their free will where they weren't interested in him beforehand somehow which would appear to slightly contradict...is obviously pretty far-fetched and would need to be "verified" in the real world with results before full buy-in. Especially after multiple years of said claims, as the program has continued to struggle. Which is course just forces further scrutiny.

The fact that I keep up with the program and have supported it since V1, despite having the experience most people have had on it so far after multiple years...is proof that I'm still open to seeing it actually work. If it ever did, it could hugely change my life! But yeah, the premise above, is quite over the top, and would need clear evidence of actually working in real life due to how outlandish it comes across as.

I'm merely holding the program up to the sales page's standards, that it's OWN design goal claims will happen. Literally zero difference than buying OF and expecting fear removal, or E5 and expecting emotional health improvement, ASC for confidence...whatever. Same exact thinking. That's all.