Raykon's Self Esteem 5.5g Journal

[Raykon]

The biggest thing I think guys need to realize about women is that they're people. They have feelings, just like us. They can't be treated like objects, or walking vaginas if you want the healthy ones to stick around. She needs to feel valid, valued, cared about and worthwhile to you. Low value, low self esteem women will accept any treatment, but the good ones require accordingly better treatment if you're going to have a relationship with them. Of course this isn't to say you should be a doormat, but certainly you should treat a relationship partner according to the value they have.

I agree. I was very insensitive and inconsiderate to her and I did it intentionally to get a reaction out of her because I thought she had lost interest. But I was just tripping out. I let my ego get in the way.


But I apoligzed so heart felt and considerately and she realized I was truly sorry.

My apology allot of people on the PUA community would assume is weak and beta, but sometimes u have to express vulnerability and it takes a real man to own up to his mistakes.

[Raykon]

Went on our first date with that women I've been talking about for a month now.

we talked for 7 hours straight, 5:30 of those hours in a sushi restaurant eating sushi and drinking.

It was amazing. Great chemistry. I didn't do anything sexual until the 6th hour where I sat on her side of table and kisses her cheeks held her hands and squeezed her thigh/near her bum.

It was unbelievably amazing experience.


I've been doing allot of releasing lately on anxiety and tbh I KNOW for a fact that had allot to do with how well tonight went. But SELF esteem has helped so much too I can tell for sure because I was not afraid to speak my mind and say things that could potentionally upset or make her mad.

much like how i was during AM but even more profound now.


FUCK YEAH

[Raykon]

Im about as eager as the next guy for DMSI to be finished. The updates are getting my hyped again.

It's been an emotional rollercoaster for me this last month with this chick. Had the best date of my life the other night, then today I let my ego and emotions get the best of me fucked things up so im in recovery mode again. I think I'll be able to get out of this one again and recover but I have no more chances afteer this. I had to apologize again fully.

DMSI I cannot wait for you. I am very much anticipating it.

[CatMan]

Wrong thread somehow...oops.

[Raykon]

Things between me and that chick fell apart. Were still able to speak to eachother and hang out as friends in the future but I don't think she's into me anymore. I fucked up so many times I'm the one at fault.

Not going to lie I'm crushed. Our 7 hour date was the best time I've ever had with a women in my life besides having sex and I really really liked her personality. I am hurt badly. Just going to the gym and pool/hot tub and eating allot to help me deal with the pain. Focusing on putting some serious mass on.

Really upset about this situation and I am in so much regret it's terrible. I'm handling it better then I would have it in the past but I'm still hurt. I can't wait for DMSI to come out.

I went out approaching the other day to try and meet someone else and I spoke to two women and it went decent but overall I still felt shitty and like I was just looking for a rebound. I left disappointed that day.


I'm not going to try and hang out with this one again as "friends" or anything until after DMSI has hit me. It also gives some time to reframe things potentionally and restart the relationship if I hit her up after a while. She said she still cares about me but doesn't have romantic feelings. (cuz i said some really needy shit after the date over text that fucked it up)

I think DMSI may be able to get her back in the future. But I'm going to still move on and find someone else hopefully.

[cataleya]

What did you tell her over the text after the date that was so needy? I am really curious but I understand if it`s too personal to post here

[Raykon]

What did you tell her over the text after the date that was so needy? I am really curious but I understand if it`s too personal to post here

well i was too eager to chill again after first date & displayed too much interest. Plus I become emotional over text in a situation where I shouldn't have and that tipped me over to the edge where she no longer wants to be with me in a relationship.

No more pictures, no more signs of her wanting to be my GF.

I am at fault 100 percent and I am deeply regretful.

[cataleya]

What did you tell her over the text after the date that was so needy? I am really curious but I understand if it`s too personal to post here

well i was too eager to chill again after first date & displayed too much interest. Plus I become emotional over text in a situation where I shouldn't have and that tipped me over to the edge where she no longer wants to be with me in a relationship.

No more pictures, no more signs of her wanting to be my GF.

I am at fault 100 percent and I am deeply regretful.

Hmm...from reading your journal I would say maybe your inconsistent behavior turned her off? You went from being so confident to tell her you were going on a date with another girl to being needy and emotional over text. But don`t despair, new DMSI is on the horizon

[Raykon]

What did you tell her over the text after the date that was so needy? I am really curious but I understand if it`s too personal to post here

well i was too eager to chill again after first date & displayed too much interest. Plus I become emotional over text in a situation where I shouldn't have and that tipped me over to the edge where she no longer wants to be with me in a relationship.

No more pictures, no more signs of her wanting to be my GF.

I am at fault 100 percent and I am deeply regretful.

Hmm...from reading your journal I would say maybe your inconsistent behavior turned her off? You went from being so confident to tell her you were going on a date with another girl to being needy and emotional over text. But don`t despair, new DMSI is on the horizon

Yeah for sure thats what it is. And that's the sad part. I know where/how i fucked up. But it's too late now, nothing I can do about it.

Only can learn from this experience. But At the end of the day I take a LOSS (but I learned SO MUCH so a not a lose - lose situation)

although it still feels like i took a huge L

The only thing that was a huge win was the first date. not one awkward silence, or feelings of anxiety. She talked the whole time but I lead the interaction as well and also got sexual/physical at the end (used to be one of my sticking points, getting physical. I think DMSI is what fixed this)

I was very comfortable on the date and with the tension. Last year when I went out with that 29 year old beauty I had a panic attack right before but on the date the anxiety went away after few minutes luckily.

This 7 hour date I had she even wanted to come over and bang but I didn't bring her back because I was expecting to see her again soon and didn't want the sex to be rushed because she had a work party to go to after & I had curfew.

I regret it now though I should have banged her. That's also one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't bang her when she wanted to bang me.

[Raykon]

Someone asked me to have sex today... ahaha my bisexual male friend did via snapchat. He said the picture i posted on my story looked like a model and asked me to have sex but played it off as a joke. I think he was joking but had a bit of truth in it. I know he's gay because he's told me. he was complimenting me on my looks.

It was very random too we werent talking or we don't ever really talk via snap or text. We only have once.

I'm not gay at all so i dont know why DMSI effected him.


On a side note, i got SENTENCE TODAY.

Spent the day in jail, I am serving a weekends only sentence for a total of 90 days in jail. so 7.5 months of Weekends only. but my 10pm curfew has been lifted and during the weekdsays im a FREE MAN!!!!!!! once i get ID im going to start hitting up the bars and clubs. i have no ID because I lost them.

[Determined]

Lol, DMSI in jail. Watch out

Don't you wish you had an AS now

[Raykon]

Lol, DMSI in jail. Watch out

Don't you wish you had an AS now

I found out today that because im doing an intermittent sentenced i wont be in general population. il basically be by myself the whole time. at most 1 or 2 others. but its nothing like real jail. I was in general population for four days and it was terrible.

So im lucky in that way too. So i dont have to worry about dealing with people.

whats AS stand for?

[Determined]

Lol, DMSI in jail. Watch out

Don't you wish you had an AS now

I found out today that because im doing an intermittent sentenced i wont be in general population. il basically be by myself the whole time. at most 1 or 2 others. but its nothing like real jail. I was in general population for four days and it was terrible.

So im lucky in that way too. So i dont have to worry about dealing with people.

whats AS stand for?

Anti Sniper

[SargeMaximus]

Congrats on the light sentencing Raykon. It just sucks you got a criminal record as you'll never be allowed out of the country.