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+--- Thread: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem (/Thread-DMSI-3-1A-Tiger-Totem)
DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - RisingSon - 07-08-2017
Alright, time for a journal since I'm always butting into other people's threads with my random thoughts. Had to quit WM2 because it wasn't for me and I couldn't value it enough to dedicate myself to 4 more stages of slow-going woman-pleasing. Been on DMSI 3.1A since the first of the month, 2-4 loops.
The first week was mostly lots of frustration, stress, anger outbursts, seething anger, trouble sleeping, feelings of being disrespected and loss of honor. This was due to what I felt and know as people being incompetent while working on my countryside home, which is a very personal and stressful project to begin with. I wrote in another thread that I started carrying a concealed pistol again because I can and it's comforting.
Communication alleviates the feelings of anger, but the people I'm working with aren't exactly 2-way communicators, especially on an emotional level. There is a quote I am trying to remember that says something like "separation between people breeds contempt" and although usually inadvertent and easily remedied it is from a lack of understanding.
Today was the first time I really felt a vortex of energy at my base chakra (besides V1, months ago), which I noticed while driving. So, good, my sexual energy is being amplified. I'm also excited on how DMSI can potentially strengthen all the energetic channels and aura, much like a lazy man's qi-gong practice. The night prior, I was feeling my sexual energy and I had this vivid image flash across my mind's eye. It was a tiger with blazing purple eyes. How cool is that. Yeah, I now feel the tiger is my spirit animal. The descriptions match up with me pretty well, although each website is slightly different.
"Passion, Power, Devotion, Independence, Strength, Focus, Perseverance, Courage, Willpower, Sensuality, Ferocity, Confidence, Camouflage, Silence, Solitude, Determination, Energy"
http://alltotems.com/tiger-spirit-animal-meaning-symbol-dream-and-totem/
I desire for my sexual energy and sperm count to build up, but I'm being driven to masturbate even though I know that I'm wasting energy through these unhealthy channels. I had the urge to buy a full size sex doll the other day, like wtf. This would be like a band-aid that would not fulfill me, but the urge was there regardless. I see masturbation as a form of self-abuse. I'll have to uptake my nutrition and rest to get my vitality back if I masturbate too much. Intense sexual dreams, too, but not complaining.
Today I was in town running an errand and had the urge to call up some escorts. I texted one pretty aggressively which she did not appreciate. She was the self-declared "best" and her body looked it so I wanted to spend some time with her to see what could happen. Hey, I have the disposable income and leisure. She was not liking my cocky behavior one bit and says she doesn't see clients who text her like that. We went back and forth with some amusing hostile banter until she 'blocked' me. I've noticed that I've got turned down by escorts often recently, as they are getting more demanding and must have lots of frustrated chumps that will pay big money to have them humiliate them through femdom or whatever the craze is these days. Not me! Very disconcerting that escorts can be afford to be picky, I think. Extreme hypergamy.
Also, these super seductive attention whore types (who I want to sexually dominate the most) are what I and others identify as Jezebel spirits as one label. I knew this going in with the one I just mentioned, but I must like the abuse. These people are extremely emotionally abusive and get their kicks by rejecting and invalidating others, all to boost their fragile ego, hence rejecting me for being too forward/teasing and coming at her as an equal(or superior). It's the same epidemic as Narcissism. It's really an insidious type of emotional abuse and is in many ways covert, also much more widespread than reported and a part of popular American culture which doesn't help. I've been studying and can pick out narcissists scarily easily now - and it is scary. I believe I was raised in a family of narcissists. My contractors are psychopath/narcissist. Real connections with people in my life are sparse, I feel isolated, and it has the potential to give me C-PTSD. That's where the emotional healing from DMSI comes in. I also counteract this with a deep spirituality.
Othewise, on the female front, I'm not seeing too much besides normal courteous behavior which I haven't acted on. Then again, I'm not really in hunting mode. Online dating is not pleasing in my eyes, but I could resort to it and have met girls from apps before pretty easily. Do I need to make some social circles and meet some good wholesome girls the normal way? Yeah, probably. That's not really on my agenda because I'm more an introvert and would rather learn esoteric secrets and connect with other spiritual/eccentric people which I do through youtube and the internet, so let's see what DMSI can manifest in my life the lazy way.
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - RisingSon - 07-08-2017
When I do spend time with women, it's on. All it takes is that social connection or introduction which is what I struggle with. They usually are impressed by me and I feel comfortable around them more and more. Like a month ago while on WM I got a little drunk while meeting a new woman and a mutual friend when they came to town. When the friend left the room, I just pounced on her. Haha, let's say I went for an erogenous zone or two and then the friend busted back in the room. We regained our composure, then she jumped on me and bit my chest! Later that night she said she "expected to come here to (blank) not get sexually assaulted", but the rest of the trip she was all over me and very affectionate. She still talks about me I hear but is 1000 miles away and a single mom who isn't in the best shape so I ain't about that. A nice, real, woman who just got lucky I was drunk. I also gave her a pet kitten as a gift, that showed up on my doorstep. Awww...
I've come to think properly directed sexual aggression is the way to a woman's heart. Call me a predator, if you want.
"What they love to yield they would often rather have stolen. Rough seduction delights them; the boldness of near rape is a compliment." - Ovid
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - Shambo - 07-09-2017
holy shiit.. please continue this journal...
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - RisingSon - 07-09-2017
Thanks for the encouragement, Shambo. I don't usually journal, although my lore is deep.
The more I attempt to understand women, the less I can take them seriously (at least their conscious minds)...
Warning: contains Trump sex dreams
http://imgur.com/gallery/mZThNAC
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - RisingSon - 07-09-2017
I found these two comments from random strangers on the internet insightful, so I'll share them here.
Quote:The biggest hurdle inexperienced guys have to overcome is the "rejection" a woman gives before anything happens.
You can expect the first or even second kiss to be turned down (cheek given) or not reciprocated (she lets you kiss her but doesn't kiss back).
Similarly, when you start feeling her up she might smack you and say, "No!".
The same thing usually happens when you start undressing her.
The question is why women do this, and the answer is to validate themselves in their own minds that they are not sluts. "He fucked me even though I said no! That means it was out of my control."
This token rejection will occur anytime a woman begins to feel like she might be acting slutty. Usually after the first time the token rejections get weaker and weaker as they feel less slutty doing it with you (you need to give them emotional validation afterwards).
So if a girl says during sex that she doesn't like it rough, tell her something like "Well I do," or "You might like it with me". And just go for it.
Quote:Honestly, I'm still a Virgin but I've been affectionate with two guys, one to third base with. The first guy was vanilla. He wasn't into choking at all, thought it was weird. He wouldn't spank or do anything. Just wanted his dick sucked, and to just stick it in me. Luckily I never let it happen with him because I was never turned on with him at all, I'd always be really dry down there. The one time he offered to eat me out, I just got super bored. The second guy, pulled me over his knees when I 'misbehaved'. Complimented my long slender neck, and would constantly choke me. Grabbed at me, telling me he didn't care if I wanted him to stop. Obviously, I'd keep hanging out with him so he can put two and two together and know that I'm not mad at him for doing it. I always protest whenever he touches me, but that's just me. I like a bit of struggle, bit of pain, bit of degradation. Don't get it twisted though. He's a nice guy, douchebaggery is unattractive. Just, when we get playful, the dominant side of him comes out, and I find that sexy. I asked him why he likes to choke and all that, and his simple answer was, "just a dominance thing." I don't know why I typed all this out, but I hope it sort of helps.
And this... Lol... Why do they do this?
http://www.playboy.com/articles/women-more-likely-to-search-for-violent-porn
https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/bm9w7v/why-are-so-many-women-searching-for-ultra-violent-porn
http://www.mademan.com/news/just-surprising-number-women-watch-violent-porn/
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - Shannon - 07-09-2017
Gentlemen, do I have to remind you about our rules against discussing politics? ImFreeman, please asjudt your comment. We are trying to avoid flame wars on this forum, regardless of what any one of us believes.
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - SargeMaximus - 07-09-2017
Reading this stuff makes me think consensual sex is a myth. :/
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - Shannon - 07-09-2017
(07-09-2017, 10:51 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: Reading this stuff makes me think consensual sex is a myth. :/
You need to remember that there are more than one point of view in the world, Sarge.
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - SargeMaximus - 07-09-2017
(07-09-2017, 11:17 AM)Shannon Wrote:(07-09-2017, 10:51 AM)SargeMaximus Wrote: Reading this stuff makes me think consensual sex is a myth. :/
You need to remember that there are more than one point of view in the world, Sarge.
I'm not disputing that but... I don't want to go to jail because I misunderstand "consensual".
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - RisingSon - 07-13-2017
There is certainly a dark side to female sexuality. I think I have female sexuality nailed down pretty well after years in dark corners of the internet. Women all want to save face and deny these things. Yet, with the internet, social media, and statistics, all their dirty laundry has been laid out in the open for eyes to see. I even recently bought a book called "My Secret Garden" that is full of inappropriate yet common female fantasies, since it is best to hear it from the horse's mouth.
Rape charges are usually used as a weapon against men who have refused women, or otherwise damaged their ego or image, in their narcissistic worldview. The vast majority of actual rapes go unreported, fyi. Not advocating anything criminal of course.
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - SargeMaximus - 07-13-2017
(07-13-2017, 01:36 PM)RisingSon Wrote: There is certainly a dark side to female sexuality. I think I have female sexuality nailed down pretty well after years in dark corners of the internet. Women all want to save face and deny these things. Yet, with the internet, social media, and statistics, all their dirty laundry has been laid out in the open for eyes to see. I even recently bought a book called "My Secret Garden" that is full of inappropriate yet common female fantasies, since it is best to hear it from the horse's mouth.
Rape charges are usually used as a weapon against men who have refused women, or otherwise damaged their ego or image, actually. The vast majority of actual rapes go unreported, fyi. Not advocating anything criminal of course.
Yeah I have that book too. I should read more of it. Thanks for reminding me.
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - RisingSon - 07-13-2017
Day 13 of DMSI:
Forget women! Just forget women! Who wants to be a part of all that depravity? Lol... Those were literally my thoughts the other day, just forget women! Although, women in my area aren't that high of quality in the first place. I've had enough of the American female mentality to last me forever. They are too argumentative, arrogant, self-centered, etc. Not to mention they tend to get fat quickly after their teenage years or otherwise destroy themselves.
Plot twist: I actually did buy a sex doll LOL! Impulse buy. Yeah it's a TOTAL BABE but sort of creepy and has actually spooked me when I've walked past a room and seen it out of the corner of my eye. I think DMSI locked onto it because I have been simulating lots of sex with it and getting drained. It's just empty masturbation, but has made me more confident in my technique. I'm actually feeling myself getting drained and might even shut down DMSI because I need to recover and go on NoFap. One example is my voice getting weaker. I can't afford to be weak. I despise weakness!
I feel like I'm not in enough social situations with females to properly utilize or test DMSI. Yeah, some cashiers have been looking at me with longing eyes but whatever. My mood has stabilized, since I'm not longer exactly sexually frustrated and decided to forget women afterall. I've been getting paranoid of being backstabbed by my contractors and want to make sure this deal ends with them respecting me and getting the **** out of my life for good, because I know they could be potentially hazardous and aren't of great character nor appreciate me. Another reason why I need all the strength I can get.
I'm feeling a fourth run of AM6 calling... That's a program I know really assists me and gets good results. Might throw in the towel for DMSI until it is stable and I have a more fruitful environment to have fun with it in.
One thing about DMSI is that I have been having spectacular dreams and indulging in pleasant, fulfilling fantasies. I might stay on it just for that. Surely that could become my reality if I ran the program long enough, eh?
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem - RisingSon - 07-14-2017
I'm ending DMSI because it's been a roller coaster and has left me weaker than when I started.
Began EPHRA2.0 last night because I need to recover from narcissistic abuse ASAP. Holy shit, it's fucking ridiculous. I can't have these bullies attempt to invalidate and triangulate me on my own custom home project. I would rather become a ruthless barbarian warlord than appease these soulless narcs which are at epidemic levels. This is a major battle of good vs evil and it looks like it's going to be an AM6 winter for me because I WILL dominate my environment (in a benevolent way of course).
RE: DMSI 3.1A Tiger Totem **Caution: Ranting** - RisingSon - 08-15-2017
I've been back on DMSI for a week or two and I'm PISSED. I switched to E2 for a while because I needed some serious stress relief and relaxation. Well, that's not happening right now. I had thoughts of ragequiting DMSI today and I can feel it trying to give me a headache the more I stay mad. I'm too healthy to get a headache, but nice try, DMSI. I might as well vent here.
Went to the city today to run some errands, which I do once a month or so. Besides that, I'm pretty much a recluse out here in da country. OK, now what was I feeling today...
First off, I saw women driving and that PISSED ME OFF. Saw women in a luxury cars and Mercedes SUVs. PISSED OFF. I know luxury cars. I rolled a $100k supercar off the lot when I was 21. Drove it so hard I lost my license, then I drove it some more, and then I traded it in for a 4x4. Yeah, that car got me some female groupies. Still, I was more about the car than them and I never really took advantage of those girls or their lust for me and my material possessions so remained a virgin LOL woops. Women can never appreciate nice cars like that. To them cars are only a snobby status symbol. I need a trust fund girlfriend who will let me drive her sportscar. COMEON, DMSI!
(I also saw some Amish people crossing the highway today and they are smart because they don't let females drive their horse buggies. I would probably feel a lot manlier and live a more satisfying life if I was Amish. Too bad I'm addicted to soulsucking technology.)
Second, I went to get a massage because it's a long drive to that city and a good way to treat myself after sitting down for so long. I go to the Chinese places because if some obnoxious obese American woman touched me for an hour I'd probably puke. Usually these places aren't as prude and you can get a more sensual massage. This time, I did not. The small younger girl who was supposed to massage me was scared of me I think and switched out for an 70 year old grandma WTF. It was a very rough unsatisfactory massage. I've had A LOT of fun in those places - NOT THIS TIME. I think they are getting paranoid because police have been trying to raid them for human trafficking or something. Really, it's the PURITAN PUSSY CARTEL cracking down on healthy outlets for men - all part of the prostitution hysteria in this country - to oppress male sexuality and attempt to raise the SMV of unpleasant American women.
So after I get this massage is when I started to get SUPER PISSED. Why am I paying some immigrants for such a shitty massage? WTF my only human touch in a month is some old Chinese woman beating on me? MAN I'M PISSED. FUCK SOCIETY. I feel like a third class citizen here. Seriously, I have no reason to contribute to such a society. I wish arranged marriages were still a thing. Maybe I really should petition the Amish... If DMSI could manifest me a HEALTHY ATTRACTIVE gf to practice and learn the art of massage with that would be just great since I could see that being a passion of mine. It's not even about sex, just human contact.
Now I'm feeling really fucking impotent. I could hardly even assert myself with the old Chinese woman and tipped her too much - totally unnecessary. Feeling like a tiger in a cage. Like I have no volition or willpower. Can't even talk to store clerks properly, like I'm holding myself back, my voice is weak, too scared to express myself or any emotion. If I ran ASC 5G that might help me, because I need that IN-YOUR-FACE CONFIDENCE WHERE YOU YELL AT EVERYONE. I know girls in their prime are drawn to that shallow superficial confidence. A girl being a judge of character? YEAH RIGHT!
I'm hitting up some organic food groceries. I'm seeing young attractive women AND I'M SO PISSED. I couldn't even speak to the female clerk and was repulsed by her attitude so I storm out of there with my items. A cute strawberry blonde girl with a really nice ass is at the door on my way out and I blow past her, she then gets in her van next to my truck after giving me a butt display. She looks as unfulfilled as I am with her cell phone. I'll just brood here in my car some more. That didn't work. I thought women like the dark brooding types and love to fix bad boys? Heh...
I went to another organic grocery today and had a pregnant woman stare at me in the parking lot (not going to lie, I do love pregnant women). Got another ass display in the parking lot. When I see women in revealing or form fitting clothing I get pissed. When I see couples, I get slightly less pissed. My final IOI for the day was an obese female cashier staring at me and flipping her hair in a self-absorbed way which MADE ME SICK. UGH! The most pleasant interaction I had was with a chubby gay male cashier who was ringing me up and talking about ripening bananas. That gay guy was 1000x more interesting and engaging than any woman - but I ain't gay, bro.
(I might have to turn gay, though. Purely out of desperation. Being gay raises your status in this culture since it hates virile heterosexual white men. If I wasn't driven to become self-sufficient in the countryside I would likely be in a city trying to find acceptance and a good time in the gay bar scene. LOL!)