alpha 4 - Printable Version
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alpha 4 - ffaux - 12-03-2016 04:24 PM
I've had enough. It starts tonight.
Goals for Round 4 of AM6:
RE: alpha 4 - Benjamin - 12-03-2016 11:02 PM
I really love the persistence and dediction! Go forth and kick ass
RE: alpha 4 - Kol - 12-05-2016 01:04 AM
Awesome. You are the first running it a 4th time as far as I know. Looking forward to this journal.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 12-07-2016 11:10 PM
I'm starting to see through my attachments to women. In my second run I had insecurities around being gay that likely stemmed from fears of what might happen if I give up wanting sex and women. In my third run I ran head first into feelings of loneliness, again another form of resistance to giving up wanting sex, women and friends. Nothing wrong with having those things but that's different to wanting them.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 12-20-2016 02:42 PM
The circle of friends manifestation needs work. The friends that were manifested for me in round 2 were "fair weather friends" who abandoned me when I needed them to be there for me or took sides against me illogically. It's probable that they also didn't understand me and misinterpreted some of my behaviours in an unfavourable light. Again, it needs work.
I also hypothesise that AM manifests situations for itself to fix in order to achieve its goals. For example, I wasn't conscious of abandonment issues that I had to deal with before AM but the circle of friend situation above, manifested/created by AM, led to me being abandoned by my friends and feelings of abandonment that I now subsequently need to overcome.
RE: alpha 4 - Benjamin - 12-20-2016 03:39 PM
Yes AM6 was more like 'lose all your friends' for me. :Z
RE: alpha 4 - Love Bond - 12-20-2016 06:51 PM
It's one thing to transcend and another to be dead inside, or is it? It's pretty easy to not let things get to you and think we are all just a part of the entire universe but it's real when you can see it in others, respond to your thinking and reflect that you're a transcendent alpha in all definitions that you know it to be. Anything else (usually consumed with negativity) is just coping
RE: alpha 4 - About - 12-21-2016 11:37 AM
Is this your 4th run of AM6? or just your 4th run of AM?
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 12-21-2016 12:07 PM
Fourth run of AM6. I have only ever run AM6.
RE: alpha 4 - Darkness - 12-21-2016 11:26 PM
Dude I'm looking out for journal I'm pressed to see how you change.
RE: alpha 4 - kingcobra - 12-28-2016 05:50 AM
I looked through that list and this looks mostly like self esteem issues, you might want to focus on that a bit more as well. There should be no real self validation going on with any of this stuff, that has to come from within, and until it does, these problems will remain.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 12-28-2016 03:07 PM
(12-28-2016 05:50 AM)kingcobra Wrote: I looked through that list and this looks mostly like self esteem issues, you might want to focus on that a bit more as well. There should be no real self validation going on with any of this stuff, that has to come from within, and until it does, these problems will remain.
I see what you're saying. What do you suggest?
RE: alpha 4 - blackwing Z - 12-28-2016 09:02 PM
Just curiosity regarding your second run... you said you made fair-weather friends... what about first run? Did you make any then? or did those dissappear as well. And what about friends on third run? Please let me know as im in for 3x AM6 back to back, and already am worried haha.
Social circle has been on my mind quite a bit.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 12-29-2016 12:57 AM
(12-28-2016 09:02 PM)blackwing Z Wrote: Just curiosity regarding your second run... you said you made fair-weather friends... what about first run? Did you make any then? or did those dissappear as well. And what about friends on third run? Please let me know as im in for 3x AM6 back to back, and already am worried haha.
I can think of two circles of friends that have formed and disappeared. One was a circle of friends I developed through work. The second is the fair weather friends. My third run was a bit of a failure I think largely because it followed Stress Relief. This fourth run of AM feels like growing in the same directions as I did in my second run except with more wisdom and better balance in my life overall.
RE: alpha 4 - Frosted - 01-01-2017 09:24 AM
How did stress relief ruin your AM6 run?
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 01-01-2017 04:54 PM
It didn't "ruin" my third run. I was still processing Stress Relief for months after finishing (probably because I overexposed myself so severely with high volume and high listening hours) and it interfered with AM and didn't let it have its normal effect which I'm experiencing now and experienced in my second run.
On that note: I now listen 8 hours per day and I have lowered my listening volume significantly (from about -30dB at source to -60dB at source) and I seem to be responding with less resistance.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 01-04-2017 04:19 PM
Sex is no longer a goal.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 01-05-2017 03:11 PM
I have a tendency to become extremely and excessively routine oriented during AM6 because it's more time efficient and reduces cognitive load.
I'm highly impatient.
I'm overwhelmed by the amount of uncertainty in my life. I think this is driven by uncertainty around how to make sense of the beliefs that are coming from AM but it's also showing up in feeling uncertain about my business and my diet. I'm really uncomfortable with uncertainty—it could be useful if AM makes me more comfortable with uncertainty in a future version.
RE: alpha 4 - ffaux - 01-06-2017 10:39 PM
I have moments of feeling extremely mindful and present every day. Usually around eating time. It's very pleasant.
RE: alpha 4 - kingcobra - 01-07-2017 06:20 AM
(12-28-2016 03:07 PM)ffaux Wrote:(12-28-2016 05:50 AM)kingcobra Wrote: I looked through that list and this looks mostly like self esteem issues, you might want to focus on that a bit more as well. There should be no real self validation going on with any of this stuff, that has to come from within, and until it does, these problems will remain.
When our buckets are empty, we have to fill it up with something so we leave it on our doorstep to collect what water may come, which will be of various quantities and qualities but it never amounts to much other than some pretty muddy water.
The more water collecting matters to you, and the greater the need to collect it, the worse off you will be. You need to find yourself first, and then and only then will these other tempting things come to you.
Now when someone has significant needs like that shopping list indicates, there is usually a number of things that one needs to work on, but the work has to be internally focused not externally. There are several programs that may help, the best way to approach this is perhaps to have one look upon what is available and use one's intuition, but there are a few choices that we could probably say would help, the self esteem one obviously, life tune up, love and appreciate yourself, forgive yourself, happiness and joy, deep gratitude, emotional pain relief, a few others perhaps along the same lines of looking to ground oneself and love oneself more.
This may take some real time but things worthwhile often do. Once one deepens one's self love enough then and only then should you look to focus on others loving you more, so to speak. You have to make yourself more worthy first and I don't think that this is a step you can ever skip, and as they say, if you build it they will come