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+--- Forum: Men's Journals (https://subliminal-talk.com/Forum-Men-s-Journals)
+--- Thread: Delta's AM6 Journal (/Thread-Delta-s-AM6-Journal)
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 02-13-2014
Still not feeling much other than extreme tiredness from Stage 2.
I've been slacking at school a bit, but nothing detrimental, gonna catch up this weekend. This will be the second week in a row (can't remember if I did three weeks ago) I worked out all 5 days. Working out is definitely something that has changed. I briefly think about it during the day, and of course I don't WANT to do it, but when I get home I just simply dooooo do it. It's good; that's something I've wanted to change about myself and now I finally stick to my workout routine. My diet is weird. I've got all my calories, carbs, protein, and fats calculated out. The only thing I regularly skip out on is my apple and peanut-butter, but I've been eating that the past couple days and I'm glad when I do, so that's improvement. Now I've got to make sure I eat that everyday. I've gotten Taco Bell beefy-five-layer-burritos 4 days in a row now, and it's in addition to my regular diet. I've been a lot more hungry lately so I'm going to up my calories starting next week.
Still have noticed some looks from girls, and I force myself to hold eye contact until they look away. But nothing crazy has been going on in that department.
And one thing I noticed the other day is that my handwriting has slightly changed. It looks more like my dad's now...more manly. I didn't have girly handwriting, but it used to be very sloppy chicken scratch.
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 03-01-2014
Stage two has had no noticeable positive affects on me still. If anything, I'm getting worse. Procrastination has returned and working out has become a hassle. March 6th is supposed to be my final day of Stage 2, but since I missed one day and only listened for 5 hours another day, I'm going to run it for two extra days.
I get 8 hours of listening in, with headphones, while I sleep; and 2-4 hours while awake during the day. I think in Stage 1 most of my listening took place during the day. Would that make a difference? I wake up and the headphones are still in and the stream is still trickling, so it's not like they fall out. I don't know what's going on.
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - AlphaScorpio - 03-01-2014
exactly the same thoughts on stage 2 here as well
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - Darwinn - 03-01-2014
Word, super tired and lazy
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 03-01-2014
Let's hope Stage 3 is quite an improvement lol
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 03-02-2014
And I can now confirm that I only have dreams when I do not sleep with headphones in. Kind of sucks, I won't be having many dreams for 6 more months.
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 03-08-2014
Alright, this will be the first night of Stage 3. Let's hope this packs a bigger punch than Stage 2. I really don't have anything positive to say about Stage 2 unfortunately. And it seems like others were feeling the same way, which indicates that's how it's supposed to be I guess.
I really felt great from Stage 1, but a bunch of negative crap returned in Stage 2. I'm hoping Stage 3 can get rid of or reduce the following, and I can put in the effort to work on it:
Reduce procrastination
Increase productivity (school, working out, eating healthy, cleaning)
Reduce neediness and jealousy
Increase/re-gain confidence
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - Shannon - 03-08-2014
Negative crap is likely resistance.
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 03-25-2014
Haven't felt much from Stage 3 still. I'm pretty sure I get better results when I listen while awake. I usually do 8 hours while sleeping and two while awake. Today I did 4 while sleeping and 6 while awake, and I felt awesome after listening for a couple hours. But it's not every day I can have headphones in for 6 hours. Gonna have to figure that out. I'm worried all the exposure I get while sleeping hasn't helped much.
Productivity increases when I listen during the day too.
And over spring break I went to Disney World with the family and the ex-girlfriend. (We're not officially back together, but we're taking it slow and figuring it out) So of course we watch a handful of our favorite Disney movies, and oh man Lion King sure speaks to me. I LOVED it has a kid, and now that I'm older, I can understand things better now. Mufasa is the total dominant alpha male leader perfect king. He's a hell of a role model. The world needs a leader like him. And his only fitting that the cover of the box art for AM6 is a lion. And I'll admit, I got choked up when he died.
And finally, while I was walking around listening to the stream, I realized something about myself: I'm a lazy piece of shit. My whole life I just wish(ed) things would come to me with no effort on my part. I wish the grades, money, women, job, knowledge, success would just fall in my lap. But that's not how the world works. All the successful people work their asses off and give 110% effort. I half ass everything in my life. I don't know exactly how to change it. I need the motivation, discipline, and energy to do that. Not sure how to acquire all those lol.
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 04-06-2014
Procrastination is finally starting to go down, it's certainly still there though.
And our two dogs are hanging around me more. It's quite annoying in the morning though.
I feel like I can succeed in life.
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 04-08-2014
Alright, so procrastination has taken hold of me again with a vengeance. This really has to stop, I'm so disappointed in myself. It's starting to affect my school work. The weird thing though, is that I still feel like everything is going to be ok. That seems to be my motto for the past couple months.
I posted this in another thread, but holy cow I have lost my confidence. I'm so damn insecure again, it sucks. Stage 1 was freaking awesome, but Stage 2 and 3 so far have been the worst. It's made me want to quit and do something that focuses solely on school/motivation/procrastination, but I'm not gonna of course. Gotta stick it out and complete the program and keep the faith.
Finally, I don't dream at all when I sleep with the headphones in, which is every night. But if I wake up at 5am or sometime where I still have a couple hours of sleep, I take them off, fall back asleep, and sometimes dream. Sometimes it's about being cheated on, which sucks. But today, it was weird and scary. I dreamt that I was swimming with whales.
---My not be worth reading---
A very long time ago (I'm almost 24) when I was maybe 9 years old, it was a Saturday morning and I awoke from a dream that I was swimming with whales. There used to be a HUGE mural with whales downtown that we would drive past after hockey games, and I'd always ask my dad to drive pass it on the way to the freeway as we were heading home just to see it because I was young and thought it was cool. Then had a dream about it, which I can still absolutely fully remember 100%, even the color of the teal water. In the dream I was swimming underneath that mural with the whales and they were scaring the crap out of me. It's seriously as if I had experienced it, I can't believe how vivid it was. And since that day, I've had an unprovoked fear of whales. If I watch them on tv, I just picture myself being there and imaging how fucking scary it would be. In the movie Finding Nemo, when the Blue Whale appears...out of the blue, it's so damn freaky for me I can't even describe it. And I know they're gentle giants and are smart and like humans, but just because of that dream, I'm scared of them. There's no real reason. I've never seen one in real life or been in the water with them. It's just because of the dream/nightmare. However, last night/early this morning, when I took the ear buds out, I fell back asleep and was dreaming that I was in a body of water with a small group of people and a raft and there were whales there. I dove under the water and swam towards them, yet I still felt the fear come over me. And they swam right past me no big deal. Then some girl got her foot caught in seaweed and started drowning and I saved her. That part was just weird. Maybe it means something? Facing your fear? I don't know. Maybe it's something maybe it's not.
-----
I'm a lazy ass procrastinator naturally, so I wouldn't call this resistance. Since Stage 1 ended, working out has fallen by the wayside as well. I'm really hoping AM6 can help me overcome that and be a successful go-getter. I've seriously got to make a change with my life. I've been unhappy with myself for 6 years now. I was such a success with every aspect of life in high school, and now college I've gone down the drain and have turned into a total failure. Wouldn't be surprised if I get kicked out. Then I would have let myself and my whole family down. It seriously sucks, and I don't understand why I still think everything will eventually be ok. If I want to finish school, workout, and play guitar, then why don't I do it? When I do get stuff done I'm so happy and satisfied with myself. But a lot of the times I just can't bring myself to get up (or sit down in the case of schoolwork) and do what needs to be done to achieve the things I want. This is why lately I've been wanting to switch to a different sub (but I'm not going to). Once I'm done with AM6 I will, at least that's what I feel like doing at the moment. I feel like I'm wasting my skills and intelligence and am meant for more than where I'm currently at. I'm so unsatisfied with my life and am envious of my friends who have graduated and moved on to bigger and better things. And I don't do anything to help myself, wtf is wrong with me?! Maybe it'll all change. Can the other subs even help me? I'm sort of losing my faith lol...but I'm not going to stop.
Ahhh good venting.
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 04-11-2014
I don't understand how Stage 1 was so awesome and I was so productive and life was great. And now Stage 2 and 3 have just been terrible. I'm not going to get kicked out of the university, but I may get kicked out of the engineering program, that's how bad school is going. I've been wishing for the past few weeks that I did Improve Grades and Study Habits instead of AM6. Just another thing I regret. I've decided that once I'm done with this whole thing in August, I'll do the school subs. I was really hoping the Overcome Procrastination that's in AM6 would have helped a bit, but it surely hasn't yet. I know for sure that I'm going to need a few run-throughs of this, but I'm going to put those on hold until I'm completely done with school or at least am on the right track. I hate how my journals have been so negative lately, but that's just how my life has been...which I hate even more lol
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - TangoDelta - 04-12-2014
Well I woke up and cried this morning like a little puss. I kind of started reminiscing over the past 5-6 years. I have a very good memory (so does my dad), and I was just thinking about all the fun times I've had with all my friends throughout the years. And it's not just partying, it's driving in the car going to the grocery store, or when we lived in the dorms and didn't have cars and took the city bus to Walmart. It's just stupid little things that I remember. (My memory doesn't seem to help me with school though). I've had such a great life and had such great times. But I've wasted it all not making progress in school. The fact that I'm most likely going to fail this semester makes this all that much worse. I don't want to get kicked out of school and be a total poor failure in life. I wish I could go back and do it all over again and make sure I go to class and do the required work. I'm almost 24 years old and won't be graduating for 2-3 more years, and that's if I don't get kicked out. I really have no idea what I'm going to do. I've failed like 6 semesters, do I really deserve any more chances? I want to graduate with an engineering degree. But like I said in an earlier post, there's all these things I want, want to do, and want to be, but I don't want to put in the effort to achieve them, and I don't know how to change that.
RE: Delta's AM6 Journal - AriGold - 04-12-2014
Dude, do you read what you are writing?
You're so negative. Your constant talking about failing and being a failure... Stop that sh*t.
You know the law of attraction. Better example: You're driving in your car, you focus on a tree. Do you think you will get home or rather hit the tree?
So please focus on your success and on your goals.
I know, an upcoming failure will hurt. But when you focus even more, the pain will go deeper. And if you turn your focus away, maybe you miss the failure and get one more chance to succeed.
Focus on what you want, not what you don't want!