Subliminal Talk

DMSI 3.0.1 has finished and here is a recap.

Before I even started DMSI 3.0.1, I was running E2. During that run, I became more cynical compared to my the false mask of self-improvement that I put for a show to other people. I subconsciously removed it and showed the toxic and negative shit under the mask and showed my female friends this. I would always talk about how women have a laundry list of guys they can choose from and guys, implying me, don't have that (Ha limiting belief!). They were uncomfortable with that. Winter Break rolled around, and I was running DMSI 3.0.1 by that time, and I became increasingly more pleasure seeking. I dived head first into alcohol, I stayed later than usual, I slept over at friends houses(and the hotel party with C), and I was having intimate relations with C, who is in a committed relationship. I told my best friend about C and eventually let him know about when she was gonna take my V card. After that day, I told him about it, and the conversation was roughly

me: yo do want to hangout?
Him: So you can brag about it?
Me: No wtf?

Then the next day, the more vocal of the female friends messaged me and sent me a rather nasty text then unfriended me on Facebook. Now she wouldn't have known if it wasn't for him. The next day, in my mini rage, I threatened to cut him off for it. We talked about it, and then it escalated into a whole shame fest with him yelling at me and calling me out in front of everyone. To what amounted to emotional abuse. Afterward he acts like I handed over my freedom to of choice to him and gave him the power to micromanage my life. We stopped talking after that. I grew to resent him for subjecting me to that and now I wont tolerate that type of shit anymore

After that encounter, I sorely needed to find who are my true friends are. The people who understand and support me regardless of what I do. Those who understand that I have to personally experience something and learn from that experience to improve. Those are the friends I found, and I cherish them more.

So I continue to do my own thing, and I got closer to C. A close mutual friend wanted to get her situation straight and make her finally face the responsibility of her action. So she did, and it ended up costing our romantic escapades. She made thinly veiled boundaries, and I quickly broke those boundaries, and it was business as usual.

I stopped DMSI and allowed it to bloom. I suddenly had a radical thought. "I shouldn't allow myself be in this position with C. This type of this isn't good for my nor for my emotional health." It was such a radical idea; my body was shaking on its own as I gave that thought more attention and more energy. In the morning, I decided to cut off the romantic side of the friendship. I felt better for it.

I also happened to manifest and sniped a red headed Irish woman as well as having a party girl snap chatting me. All of them, I stopped myself due to fear.

Now that school has started, I invested much more time into myself, my hobbies and my career. I started taking my photography much more seriously, and I applied to more leadership positions as well. I took more initiatives and fought against the feeling of not applying because I was rejected from one of the programs and feared of experience it again on a subconscious level.

I am becoming more honest with myself and with others. I recognize times where I could try to lie or be completely honest and let the chips fall. From slight flashes of insecurities with C to owning up to my actions, I try, to be honest with myself and others.

I was messaging the green haired(asian) coworker about a hangout I was trying to organize with her and a coworker. It eventually led to us discussing the rumors surrounding her. She asked me whether or not I took part in it and I had a decision to try and lie to her or be honest with her about my actions. I owned up to it as well as offered her an opportunity to clarify some of the big ones. Whether the rumors are true or it is a massive misunderstanding, I dont care because she is out of my control. So I give her the benefit of the doubt.

As we continued to talk, we questioned the definition of friendships and how we define it ourselves. I never gave it much thought until now so I told her that I needed friends that are honest with me as well as themselves, as well as be able to be vulnerable with me. Meaning they are not afraid to be themselves with me and they don't hide things from me as well.

One of my coworkers DO have a problem with my bluntness because it implicates him as one of the gossipers and makes him look bad. I considered him as a friend but as he talked more and more about covering up my "mistake" and "Pretending not to know anything" started to bother me. I thought about "Why would I want a friend who would hide stuff from me and pretend they don't know anything to my face?" What would that say about the coworker?

I am currently focused on making more meaningful relationships with people and getting to know them.

That's a recap of everything so far....

My goals for DMSI 3.1 is

1. To clear everything out so I can be the best and most authentic version of myself.
2. Be more vulnerable( Mark Manson's definition of Vulnerbility)
3. Get laid using DMSI's Tech as well as experessing 1 and 2
4. Invest more into myself and my own hobbies.

I can't wait to start running V3.1 and grow more as a human being and a confident man.

Update: I got into the Leadership Program!

So the thing with my co-workers turned the tension way up today because all of us overlapping shifts. The tension rised and eventually blew up when the female coworker apparently cried and they had a long talk. Afterward he talked to me about it, called me a dick for doing what I did.

Makes me wonder if there is a thing as too much honesty or too transparent? I don't want to lie nor withhold information because I was wronged because no one had the balls to hell me what the fuck was happening with my first relationship. That time sucked and I don't want to have to do that with other people.

Now here's the kicker. We all were supposed to hangout today but since all this shit has happened, he decided to pull out of it and now I'm going to be hanging out with her later tonight. It's going to be real awkward.

I had a nice quiet walk to the park. On my way there I felt really lonely. This feeling isn't as strong as it used to be but it moved me to almost crying.

When I got to the park, I see densely packed people around me. People that go to a much more prestigious college than me(the park is surrounded by this college). I found the drained fountain and I sat in the fountain. In the center, there was this group of girls who were dancing with shining LED hulahoops. At night, these hulahoops very mesmerizing so I sat and watched them practice. I decided to look at the Skype group for about 5 mins and watch the girls practice. I then noticed a subtle change in one of the girls' a routine. She changed where she was facing. She had her back facing me and was doing her moves. Her moves now involved more spinning and butt shaking. I thought it was interesting so I paid more attention to the dancer. When it was time for me to head back, something dawned to me..................I HAD A GIRL TWERK HER ASS AT ME WITH GLOWING LED HULAHOOPS.

Edit:She was hulahooping the she bends forwards while it's still around her waist. Imagine that but her butt was facing me

Re park - if I remember correctly you're in NYC like I am; by any chance is the park in question Washington Square Park surrounded by NYU?

(02-23-2017, 09:55 PM)apollolux Wrote: [ -> ]Re park - if I remember correctly you're in NYC like I am; by any chance is the park in question Washington Square Park surrounded by NYU?

Yup

You are lucky to be able to meet someone else from the forum, I have like one chance in a trillion to meet someone else who would be on that forum. India, USA and Germany seems to be the most represented country in here, which seems to represent the most developed country. Not much Chinese yet, there are still catching up I guess.

There's a lot of eastern Europe on this forum as well

I plan to meet up one member of the forum in a couple weeks for his spring break and I've met another member in India! It's a really cool experience and if you get a chance, go for it!

I realized that a significant part of my drive for self-improvement and getting results is because I still have resentment from my former friends. It's a drive to become better than them and have the big "F*** you" in life. something like"fuck out of here (old friends) you coming to me for my help now? Boohoo get f***"

Not the healthiest form of motivation but it is what it is.

My favorite way to get motivated is to respond to "You can't do that! That's impossible." ...with "Oh yeah? 'Zat so?" and then doing it. 'Cause take that, doubters! lol

(02-25-2017, 07:15 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]My favorite way to get motivated is to respond to "You can't do that! That's impossible." ...with "Oh yeah? 'Zat so?" and then doing it. 'Cause take that, doubters! lol

Is this a healthy form of motivation Shannon? I feel the EXACT same way, like I'd do everything in my power to do what others doubted I could when I said I wanted to do it.

Is it healthy to really strive to do the best in order to prove others wrong or to end up delivering the biggest, most righteous "Fuck you!!!" to those you don't like?

Started 3.0.1 again for a few days.

Went to a grocery store and got a fairly large bottle of water. It usually goes around 1.50 to 2.50 depending on where u go. The lady charged me 76 cents for it.

Edit: when I saw the amount charged I was like wait what? Hold up.

(02-25-2017, 08:39 PM)maxx55 Wrote: [ -> ]

(02-25-2017, 07:15 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]My favorite way to get motivated is to respond to "You can't do that! That's impossible." ...with "Oh yeah? 'Zat so?" and then doing it. 'Cause take that, doubters! lol

Is this a healthy form of motivation Shannon? I feel the EXACT same way, like I'd do everything in my power to do what others doubted I could when I said I wanted to do it.

Is it healthy to really strive to do the best in order to prove others wrong or to end up delivering the biggest, most righteous "**** you!!!" to those you don't like?

I'd like to know too, because I discussed this with someone the other day. I personally don't think it's healthy to use it as a prime motivator, but I really see no harm in using it as fuel to add to achieving your goals.

Is it really worth putting in so much energy and effort to prove someone else wrong? Why not channel that energy into achieving your goals, with a side effect of proving others wrong, rather than proving others wrong with a side effect of achieving your goals? Energy is precious and I'd rather invest it efficiently I don't wanna waste my energy on my haters.

The problem, as I see it, is that whatever you do reinforces the pattern. If you use haters and naysayers as motivation, you create a cycle of needing them for motivation. What happens when you get to a place where you don't care what other people think - about anything? The reason for being motivated disappears, and so does your motivation.