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DMSI Journal
10-04-2017, 12:47 AM
Post: #41
RE: DMSI Journal
Nothing much happened today. At some point, A thought came to my mind - can’t be bothered with men anymore. Too hard. I’d better be on my own.
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10-04-2017, 10:46 AM (This post was last modified: 10-04-2017 11:09 AM by Purple Jade.)
Post: #42
RE: DMSI Journal
I AM SO DARN HORNY. I’m about to explode. Very frustrating - lots of IOIs, no execution.

Very tempted to call drama boy. And I know I won’t.

******* just counted my days of listening, today is Day 20. Looks like I’ve got more healing to do than I expected.

Soldier on PJ!
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10-05-2017, 11:03 AM (This post was last modified: 10-05-2017 11:05 AM by Purple Jade.)
Post: #43
RE: DMSI Journal
Had the strangest dream ever.

In my dream, I was visiting a psychic with a girl friend. The psychic was a small build attractive girl and she was spot on with my friend’s reading, while she was doing the reading, I felt a strange warm/heat sensation in my hand, and I said there must be some other entities here, but the psychic said she didn’t feel them. We then had a meal together, three of us. After the meal, somehow we got in a car and started driving to somewhere. I then said to her, what about my reading? We then pulled over and sat on the road, she looked me in my eyes, clearly emotional. She then said I can’t read you. She leaned over to kiss my cheek, I offered my lips. We made out and she went down on me. Unfortunately, I woke up in the middle of it and I did feel the sensation physically.

I don’t identify myself gay or bisexual and I have always been straight and love men.

What’s going on?
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10-05-2017, 11:57 AM
Post: #44
RE: DMSI Journal
Sexuality is more complicated than straight, gay or bi. Think of it more as a spectrum. NO ONE is completely anything. Humans change, they adapt, they experience.

You having a lesvianish sex dream doesn't make you a lesbian. But at the same time don't think that you're stuck in only the sexuality frame you've lived your life. I have a number of friends that were straight until they met the person they loved to death and chose to be with. Those people finding same sex happiness coming from being strictly heterosexual isn't rare.

Don't fight yourself and see where you go. I doubt you'll completely switch sexualities but I also think you'll find something that make sense that make you feel more fulfilled with yourself.
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10-05-2017, 01:39 PM
Post: #45
RE: DMSI Journal
(10-05-2017 11:57 AM)Nox Wrote:  Sexuality is more complicated than straight, gay or bi. Think of it more as a spectrum. NO ONE is completely anything. Humans change, they adapt, they experience.

You having a lesvianish sex dream doesn't make you a lesbian. But at the same time don't think that you're stuck in only the sexuality frame you've lived your life. I have a number of friends that were straight until they met the person they loved to death and chose to be with. Those people finding same sex happiness coming from being strictly heterosexual isn't rare.

Don't fight yourself and see where you go. I doubt you'll completely switch sexualities but I also think you'll find something that make sense that make you feel more fulfilled with yourself.

THank you.

I understand the spectrum view and have not restricted myself to be in a certain frame, it’s just that I’ve never found myself being attracted to a girl. I didn’t feel anything negative about my dream, as a matter of fact, I enjoyed it.

I’m wondering if DMSI is waking up something well hidden in my subC that I don’t even know.
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10-05-2017, 01:48 PM
Post: #46
RE: DMSI Journal
(10-05-2017 01:39 PM)Purple Jade Wrote:  
(10-05-2017 11:57 AM)Nox Wrote:  Sexuality is more complicated than straight, gay or bi. Think of it more as a spectrum. NO ONE is completely anything. Humans change, they adapt, they experience.

You having a lesvianish sex dream doesn't make you a lesbian. But at the same time don't think that you're stuck in only the sexuality frame you've lived your life. I have a number of friends that were straight until they met the person they loved to death and chose to be with. Those people finding same sex happiness coming from being strictly heterosexual isn't rare.

Don't fight yourself and see where you go. I doubt you'll completely switch sexualities but I also think you'll find something that make sense that make you feel more fulfilled with yourself.

THank you.

I understand the spectrum view and have not restricted myself to be in a certain frame, it’s just that I’ve never found myself being attracted to a girl. I didn’t feel anything negative about my dream, as a matter of fact, I enjoyed it.

I’m wondering if DMSI is waking up something well hidden in my subC that I don’t even know.

It could be waking it up, running through possibilities or even just clearing up some loose connections

But from what you said it sounds like you have a very honest and healthy mindset so I can only see positive effects heading your way.

First you get the guys, then you get the girls, and then you get the orgies lol
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10-06-2017, 11:09 AM
Post: #47
RE: DMSI Journal
Another night sleep with vivid dreams.

First dream was watching a horror movie with my elder sister. I was constantly avoiding the horror scenes and seeking comfort from my sister.

Second dream was about the drama guy who texted me to meet up again. While I frantically went through my wardrobe to look for an outfit, my sister in law came in and talked to me about her daughter. That was all I remembered.

I’m so tempted to contact the drama guy again, as every time I think of him, my heart just melts, and at the same time, I want to hit the reset button to start this phase of my life again pretending no men had stepped in my life recently, because life was simple and blissful when there was no men.

Although I have been feeling horny all the time, somehow I don’t feel like touching myself to release the tension. I would have done it many times before I started DMSI.

****I gave a few thoughts about the dream the night before, the girl on me one. Although I enjoyed it, and wouldn’t mind having it again, but if I was presented with options, I would definitely prefer being with a man. Definitely not a turn-on with the thought of me getting down on a girl, so I guess it was just an experiment by DMSI.
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Dr. Strangelove
10-08-2017, 06:26 AM
Post: #48
RE: DMSI Journal
describe your perfect man?
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10-08-2017, 07:03 PM
Post: #49
RE: DMSI Journal
(10-08-2017 06:26 AM)Adrien Silva Wrote:  describe your perfect man?

Physical stuff - tall, slim and an infectious smile
Mental side - intelligent, ambitious, driven, hungry for power, preferably outsmart me.
Sexually - totally into me, crazy about my body. Treat his and my sexual pleasure equally.

A bit high level, but that’s all I can come up with. Never really put a “perfect man” into words.
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Morgul
10-09-2017, 12:41 AM
Post: #50
RE: DMSI Journal
(10-08-2017 07:03 PM)Purple Jade Wrote:  
(10-08-2017 06:26 AM)Adrien Silva Wrote:  describe your perfect man?

Physical stuff - tall, slim and an infectious smile
Mental side - intelligent, ambitious, driven, hungry for power, preferably outsmart me.
Sexually - totally into me, crazy about my body. Treat his and my sexual pleasure equally.

A bit high level, but that’s all I can come up with. Never really put a “perfect man” into words.

Hey PJ, if you’re game, have a go at putting this to paper, too?

List 10 to 15 things, as specific as you want to be (i.e. down to freckles or other nitty gritty), that he absolutely must have, and 10 things that you don’t want in a man – like you’re mail ordering a guy custom-made just for yourself. Keep the list handy and review it every day. Imagine you’re already with this guy, perhaps write him a love letter. I’ve tried this myself before, and it’s uncanny how it worked out. Guess you get what you focus on life. Just a suggestion.
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Purple Jade
10-09-2017, 01:00 AM
Post: #51
RE: DMSI Journal
(10-09-2017 12:41 AM)Dr. Strangelove Wrote:  
(10-08-2017 07:03 PM)Purple Jade Wrote:  
(10-08-2017 06:26 AM)Adrien Silva Wrote:  describe your perfect man?

Physical stuff - tall, slim and an infectious smile
Mental side - intelligent, ambitious, driven, hungry for power, preferably outsmart me.
Sexually - totally into me, crazy about my body. Treat his and my sexual pleasure equally.

A bit high level, but that’s all I can come up with. Never really put a “perfect man” into words.

Hey PJ, if you’re game, have a go at putting this to paper, too?

List 10 to 15 things, as specific as you want to be (i.e. down to freckles or other nitty gritty), that he absolutely must have, and 10 things that you don’t want in a man – like you’re mail ordering a guy custom-made just for yourself. Keep the list handy and review it every day. Imagine you’re already with this guy, perhaps write him a love letter. I’ve tried this myself before, and it’s uncanny how it worked out. Guess you get what you focus on life. Just a suggestion.

Thanks Dr.

I was actually thinking of focusing on healing - as strange as it sounds, I found myself obsessed over the drama guy in my mind as somehow I found he was similar to the younger version of my last long term ex, except more driven and more on alpha side. To some extent, I think we are both afraid of contacting each other or afraid of falling for each other, so I really wanted to clear my fear if that’s true.

Now you just planted other seeds about drama guy...*sigh, you know what, I will take your advice and see how I go - not gonna write specially about drama guy Wink but just some generic points, and see how I go!
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10-09-2017, 07:17 AM (This post was last modified: 10-09-2017 07:19 AM by DarkPlouf.)
Post: #52
RE: DMSI Journal
(10-09-2017 12:41 AM)Dr. Strangelove Wrote:  
(10-08-2017 07:03 PM)Purple Jade Wrote:  
(10-08-2017 06:26 AM)Adrien Silva Wrote:  describe your perfect man?

Physical stuff - tall, slim and an infectious smile
Mental side - intelligent, ambitious, driven, hungry for power, preferably outsmart me.
Sexually - totally into me, crazy about my body. Treat his and my sexual pleasure equally.

A bit high level, but that’s all I can come up with. Never really put a “perfect man” into words.

Hey PJ, if you’re game, have a go at putting this to paper, too?

List 10 to 15 things, as specific as you want to be (i.e. down to freckles or other nitty gritty), that he absolutely must have, and 10 things that you don’t want in a man – like you’re mail ordering a guy custom-made just for yourself. Keep the list handy and review it every day. Imagine you’re already with this guy, perhaps write him a love letter. I’ve tried this myself before, and it’s uncanny how it worked out. Guess you get what you focus on life. Just a suggestion.

I did something similar before. Thought, instead of writting it down I was visualizing each trait I wanted my perfect partner to have. I meditated on that for maybe a couple of weeks, along with a mantra, but got tired and moved on to something else.
About 2 months after that I met a female friend online and with the time she told me that she felt magnetically pulled toward me since the first day. The more I learned about her, the more I noticed how she was matching perfectly the idea of the "perfect" partner I had. Physically, mentally and spiritually even. 100% what I was after.
Sadly thought, I felt like I got tricked (by the Universe, my subconscious ?) because she isn't physically here. Non

Now I use that method on other areas of my life. Though I found that changing myself with this method is really hard. Probably because of subconscious blockages.

I suggest you to have a go at it too.

INFP-T.
DMSI (24 Days) >> APE + OP (~30 Days) >> DMSI (32 Days)
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10-09-2017, 11:23 AM
Post: #53
RE: DMSI Journal
(10-11-1974 12:43 PM)Plouf Wrote:  Sadly thought, I felt like I got tricked (by the Universe, my subconscious ?) because she isn't physically here. Non

Now I use that method on other areas of my life. Though I found that changing myself with this method is really hard. Probably because of subconscious blockages.

I suggest you to have a go at it too.

Thanks.

Now I just need to include “I can at least see him a couple of times per week physically.” in my list also.

It’s interesting that I was always able to put this sort of thoughts in my personal/professional development and they always work out for me, but never really put it on the romance side of things. Yes I will give it a go,
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10-09-2017, 08:02 PM
Post: #54
RE: DMSI Journal
Oh my goodness. Less than 12 hours after I had the “list”, drama guy contacted me and he decided to tell me that he wanted me. I don’t know - sounds too good Smile
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10-10-2017, 01:14 AM (This post was last modified: 10-10-2017 01:16 AM by Purple Jade.)
Post: #55
RE: DMSI Journal
While the colleague who I consider as a brother continues being very affectionate towards me, today I discovered another male colleague has increased his attention on me also, whom I don’t find attractive unfortunately.

At the same time, I’m chatting to a guy thousands of miles away who’s planning to visit me - we have known each other for a while, haven’t met each other face to face, but I find him mentally stimulating, which is a big part of must have qualities for me to find a guy attractive. Since I started DMSI, we almost chat online daily, shamelessly flirting with each other. Apparently he also told our mutual friend how much he liked me, and he didn’t even bother to keep it low profile, which is a bit out of his character.

At times I did think sex would have had happened with the level of interactions I have had with guys I encountered recently, if I wasn’t running DMSI. However, I’m not unhappy about the lack of real action as I do think DMSI is putting me up in a different (very likely much higher) frequency that either messes up with the frequency of theses guys or my subC expects better catch than some of them.
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10-12-2017, 08:52 PM
Post: #56
RE: DMSI Journal
The long distance sniper is hitting the target really hard. He already chose the dates and is in the process of arranging all the logistics...
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10-13-2017, 01:06 PM
Post: #57
RE: DMSI Journal
Today is Day 1 of B side.

Not much thought has been put into the decision. It feels like the next logical step.

I then checked the calendar - 30th day of DMSI.
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10-13-2017, 03:07 PM
Post: #58
RE: DMSI Journal
Just ran 2 loops of silent:

At around first 20-30 minutes, I started to think I need a boob job. The idea of having bigger boobs was always in my mind, but not as prominent. It was like “want” but not “need”.

Other than that, nothing special, no headache, no mood swing, no other thoughts.
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10-16-2017, 11:05 AM
Post: #59
RE: DMSI Journal
Been running 7 loops per day on the B side. Everything feels normal for now, no headaches or strange thoughts.

Drama guy sent me a couple of texts last Saturday, nothing too enthusiastic. However, the Long distance guy has been all over me like crazy - giving me all the attention I ever wanted and more. It’s like doesn’t matter what I say or do, he would just be happy because I said something or did something to him. Extremely appreciative of me. Unbelievable!
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10-16-2017, 12:31 PM (This post was last modified: 10-16-2017 12:31 PM by DarkPlouf.)
Post: #60
RE: DMSI Journal
Quote:It’s like doesn’t matter what I say or do, he would just be happy because I said something or did something to him. Extremely appreciative of me. Unbelievable!
Has this ever happened to you before DMSI ?

INFP-T.
DMSI (24 Days) >> APE + OP (~30 Days) >> DMSI (32 Days)
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