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Social skills 2.0
12-26-2017, 04:44 PM
Post: #61
RE: Social skills 2.0
(12-25-2017 07:52 PM)Determined Wrote:  
(12-25-2017 04:39 PM)Eplaisance1988 Wrote:  
(12-25-2017 04:02 PM)THolt Wrote:  What does everyone think regarding the applicability of SE to developing better social skills?

This is merely my opinion of course, but I think that social failure upon social failure can contribute greatly to zero-to-low self esteem. And from that lack of self esteem is developed a vicious cycle: social failure-->low-self-esteem--->more social failure due to low self esteem due to social failure--->more low self esteem etc.

In that sense, SE sub could be applicable. But I think the development of a focused social skills sub with special emphasis on greater self esteem would be useful.

Also, someone mentioned in their list "reading social cues". I think this is particularly important for those that have trouble with this as this is a very important building block of social development and could serve as an obstacle for some.

What is "social failure"?

Arguably there are no "social failures". Getting rejected isn't the end of the world. You'd have to be pretty egocentric to take these kinds of things to heart.

You'd also have to be beating yourself up for every perceived "failure" in order to lower self esteem.

Creating a loop with an external locus of control (hint: you're placing your self esteem on social success/ failure which is external) is a recipe for disaster.

Using SE 5.5G would be good for rebuilding self esteem but you'd also have to stop the self esteem destroying behaviours.

I see your point. Perhaps "social failure" was a faulty term to use.
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12-26-2017, 08:35 PM
Post: #62
RE: Social skills 2.0
"Social failure" also connotes a paradigm in which you are "taking value" where you perceive a social interaction as one in which you either get something out of it or you don't. I personally think this paradigm is flawed when socialising and is probably what holds you back.

To give you an example, I ran DMSI for two days and on day 2 I had a radical paradigm shift in the way I viewed women. I recognised that the paradigm I'd been running my entire life was to be "impressive" to women. This entailed bragging about my achievements, using DHV's (PUA lingo) pumping up my status, etc etc. DMSI encouraged me to replace this with a paradigm of being "arousing" to women instead.

You can see from that example how the paradigm from which a person operates will effect what results they get.

In essence; "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek"
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12-27-2017, 09:41 AM
Post: #63
RE: Social skills 2.0
Am I just stupid or did the quote-button disappear?

@Determined: so how did this paradigm shift changed your interaction with women?
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12-27-2017, 02:17 PM
Post: #64
RE: Social skills 2.0
(12-26-2017 08:35 PM)Determined Wrote:  "Social failure" also connotes a paradigm in which you are "taking value" where you perceive a social interaction as one in which you either get something out of it or you don't. I personally think this paradigm is flawed when socialising and is probably what holds you back.

To give you an example, I ran DMSI for two days and on day 2 I had a radical paradigm shift in the way I viewed women. I recognised that the paradigm I'd been running my entire life was to be "impressive" to women. This entailed bragging about my achievements, using DHV's (PUA lingo) pumping up my status, etc etc. DMSI encouraged me to replace this with a paradigm of being "arousing" to women instead.

You can see from that example how the paradigm from which a person operates will effect what results they get.

In essence; "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"

Never thought of it that way.
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