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In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
07-03-2017, 08:21 AM
Post: #1
In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
So I'm officially done with stage 7 of Am6. On to DMSI. Already got my 2 loops in today. After the hell I went through with stage 7 dmsi feels so smooth. I have work later on today, will see what happens. Having only been exposed to two loops I don't expect much, but we'll see.

As far as the hybrid tracks go. Do you guys listen on headphones or speakers?
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RTBoss, Benjamin, eternity, Dr. Strangelove
07-03-2017, 08:28 AM
Post: #2
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
I listen to hybrid on headphones, so as not to expose my family to DMSI. I don't have any issues with ringing ears, so that hasn't been a concern for me.
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07-03-2017, 08:38 AM
Post: #3
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
HEADPHONES YO
bussanut
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07-03-2017, 05:15 PM
Post: #4
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
Headphones! I don't mess with speakers unless I'm feeling ambitious and want to do more than 5 loops Tongue

Otherwise, it's headphones with hybrid mp3.

ENFP ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Master Of All Trades. Jack of None.
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07-04-2017, 01:42 AM
Post: #5
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
I've been looking forward to seeing you on DMSI, your AM6 journal is interesting. Best of luck with your run!
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07-04-2017, 02:38 AM
Post: #6
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
Hey Matt!

Hybrid headphones at maximum safe volume here.

Looking forward to hearing your experience on it. You don't strike me as the DMSI "type". I figured you'd go back to E2, that was doing well for you. This will be intriguing to read.
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Dr. Strangelove
07-04-2017, 06:56 AM
Post: #7
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
Thanks for the input guys. Catman, I was gonna go back to E2 but when I learned about E2 being in dmsi with some enhancements I figured I'd have to try it. Plus I do have some sexual hangups I'd like to get sorted out. I grew a great deal from Am6 but I'm trying to avoid the whole I don't need women as a way to rationalize my fear of actually getting women attitude. A lot of this thinking I picked up along fellow individuals who also struggled with women on forums and stuff growing up. Ego gratification is an easy trap to fall into and it's worse when there's a group reinforcing these beliefs. So in short if an opportunity presents itself and I want it, I want to have the choice to get it vs playing on my mental jungle gym and coming up with rationalizations to make myself feel better.

So as far as results go, I'm probably gonna be a bit slow with what I report. Despite all the healing, am6, whatever else I ran lol I still have some issues with attention from women. I have a tendency to simulatenously put out a vibe of look at me, then a feeling of don't look at me when I do get attention. So there's a lack of congruence there I need to overcome. This is going to sound incredibly shallow and vain, but when I was younger I was super nice to everyone and sometimes girls that I wasn't attracted to would relentlessly pursue me. Not wanting to hurt their feelings I didn't really tell them no, I didn't lead them on either but they kind of invaded my boundaries a bit. It was even worse when their friends would come up to me and say "you should date her" and I also got told I was "being picky" and pretty much attempted to get peer pressured into dating a girl I had no interest in. Let me just stop right here and say I HATE when women decide to play matchmaker. It can get borderline hostile when you try to explain you don't have interest in the nicest way possible. I hate how sometimes you have to be blunt or borderline mean to get a point across, but some of them are just so disrespectful and constantly push and try to manipulate you into "giving it a shot". Suddenly you're the bad guy and shamed. Just a small example of some of the crap men have to deal with growing up that nobody really acknowledges.

So yeah, kind of weird fears I need to get over. DMSI is definitely digging up something right now.
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07-04-2017, 07:04 AM
Post: #8
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
The OGSF, clearing and healing stuff in regards to anything about sexual attractiveness is exactly why I switched from E2 to V2.2 many moons ago.

I hear you, 100%.

Looking forward to reading about your journey.
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Dr. Strangelove
07-05-2017, 03:52 PM
Post: #9
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
Ok so quick update with DMSI. I now understand why some of the guys running this got so aggressive lol. It's like it takes away that filter that says "no don't say that, you're a bad person if you say that". Also the amount of self respect you start generating, you become acutely aware of when people start disrespecting you or cross that line and you put a stop to it immediately.

As far as the technical stuff goes. Not much resistance besides the typical stuff I usually come across. It's manifesting a bit as apathy, but I'm working around it. But I have noticed very rapid emotional clearing. It can be intense at times, but it's very brief compared to say E1. Not really getting the insane hunger like some other guys. Oh yeah, I've been using the hybrid version.

Like I said when I started this journal, I'm mostly in this for healing. I also don't really go out much, but I'll be sure to report on stuff when I do. Life is kind of confining right now so I've been in this kind of withheld isolation type mode trying to figure it all out. Women have been the furthest thing from my mind. But again I believe some of that is due to fear because it doesn't really take up that much time to just chat up someone I'm attracted to.
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Travis
07-05-2017, 03:57 PM
Post: #10
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
(07-05-2017 03:52 PM)mat422 Wrote:  Ok so quick update with DMSI. I now understand why some of the guys running this got so aggressive lol. It's like it takes away that filter that says "no don't say that, you're a bad person if you say that". Also the amount of self respect you start generating, you become acutely aware of when people start disrespecting you or cross that line and you put a stop to it immediately.

As far as the technical stuff goes. Not much resistance besides the typical stuff I usually come across. It's manifesting a bit as apathy, but I'm working around it. But I have noticed very rapid emotional clearing. It can be intense at times, but it's very brief compared to say E1. Not really getting the insane hunger like some other guys. Oh yeah, I've been using the hybrid version.

Like I said when I started this journal, I'm mostly in this for healing. I also don't really go out much, but I'll be sure to report on stuff when I do. Life is kind of confining right now so I've been in this kind of withheld isolation type mode trying to figure it all out. Women have been the furthest thing from my mind. But again I believe some of that is due to fear because it doesn't really take up that much time to just chat up someone I'm attracted to.
Do you use your phone? or PC?
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07-05-2017, 04:03 PM
Post: #11
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
(07-05-2017 03:52 PM)mat422 Wrote:  Ok so quick update with DMSI. I now understand why some of the guys running this got so aggressive lol. It's like it takes away that filter that says "no don't say that, you're a bad person if you say that".

DMSI is making me start training martial arts, because the way I am acting I think I'm going to eventually rub some guy the wrong way. If I don't know how to defend myself its going to be a bad situation. :/

INTP
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07-05-2017, 05:44 PM
Post: #12
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
(07-05-2017 03:57 PM)omi95 Wrote:  
(07-05-2017 03:52 PM)mat422 Wrote:  Ok so quick update with DMSI. I now understand why some of the guys running this got so aggressive lol. It's like it takes away that filter that says "no don't say that, you're a bad person if you say that". Also the amount of self respect you start generating, you become acutely aware of when people start disrespecting you or cross that line and you put a stop to it immediately.

As far as the technical stuff goes. Not much resistance besides the typical stuff I usually come across. It's manifesting a bit as apathy, but I'm working around it. But I have noticed very rapid emotional clearing. It can be intense at times, but it's very brief compared to say E1. Not really getting the insane hunger like some other guys. Oh yeah, I've been using the hybrid version.

Like I said when I started this journal, I'm mostly in this for healing. I also don't really go out much, but I'll be sure to report on stuff when I do. Life is kind of confining right now so I've been in this kind of withheld isolation type mode trying to figure it all out. Women have been the furthest thing from my mind. But again I believe some of that is due to fear because it doesn't really take up that much time to just chat up someone I'm attracted to.
Do you use your phone? or PC?

I use both, depending on where I am. But I'm always using heaphones.

(07-05-2017 04:03 PM)Travis Wrote:  
(07-05-2017 03:52 PM)mat422 Wrote:  Ok so quick update with DMSI. I now understand why some of the guys running this got so aggressive lol. It's like it takes away that filter that says "no don't say that, you're a bad person if you say that".

DMSI is making me start training martial arts, because the way I am acting I think I'm going to eventually rub some guy the wrong way. If I don't know how to defend myself its going to be a bad situation. :/

Still the early stages, we will see what happens with me. Not a bad thing to know martial arts. It's always good to know you can defend yourself in an altercation. I am curious though. What sort of stuff are you talking about here getting you into trouble?
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Travis
07-05-2017, 07:12 PM (This post was last modified: 07-05-2017 07:22 PM by RisingSon.)
Post: #13
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
Thanks for the insight. I'm in the same boat, sort of isolated out here in the countryside. I've hopped on DMSI 3.1A for the healing and these past 3 days I have been so angry. Mostly it's contractors working for me on my house being incompetent and negligent. That has sent me into an outrage! I've lost sleep over their negligence and disrespect, but they also damaged some stuff so it's deserved. They told me they will fix it but TALK IS CHEAP, mommy lover! I even started carrying a pistol again. I don't expect any major confrontation, but still, it was nice to do some shooting today and blow off some steam. Now I have to go micromanage these punks! They have been avoiding me for the past 2 days, yet need this project finished as much as I do.
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07-06-2017, 05:43 AM
Post: #14
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
(07-05-2017 07:12 PM)RisingSon Wrote:  Thanks for the insight. I'm in the same boat, sort of isolated out here in the countryside. I've hopped on DMSI 3.1A for the healing and these past 3 days I have been so angry. Mostly it's contractors working for me on my house being incompetent and negligent. That has sent me into an outrage! I've lost sleep over their negligence and disrespect, but they also damaged some stuff so it's deserved. They told me they will fix it but TALK IS CHEAP, mommy lover! I even started carrying a pistol again. I don't expect any major confrontation, but still, it was nice to do some shooting today and blow off some steam. Now I have to go micromanage these punks! They have been avoiding me for the past 2 days, yet need this project finished as much as I do.

The key is definitely channeling that rage and anger into productivity and not getting carried away into the emotion itself. There's definitely a fine line between letting anger empower you vs being controlled by it. DMSI does a pretty good job of channeling it in a productive way from what I've felt so far.



More stuff, I guess this is going to be along the lines of emotional changes. Just been depressed as all hell lately. During my AM6 run and right now on DMSI too. It's nothing new, the sub didn't cause it. Just feels more like world weariness and the subs brought it out more. I think it's just me trying to find my place in this world. Not succumbing to the external pressures. Summer is here and it just doesn't hold the same appeal as when I was younger and it makes me sad. I have a very strong "what's the point" mentality right now. Probably holding onto the past too much, not embracing the future. But I don't know, it just feels like everywhere I turn people just want to assimilate me into a miserable life existence. It's like you want to go for something that would bring joy to your life and the first reaction from people is no, that's not how this works you have to stay down here with us. I'd just like to completely remove this limited perception of life I have right now. The struggle, the settling, the fear based motivations, etc. just so done with it all. Life isn't supposed to be lived this way, contrary to what most people will assert.
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07-06-2017, 01:20 PM
Post: #15
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
Yup apathy is definitely resistance right now. Being afraid of just going out there and making the most of my life so I delude myself into believing I don't care about it. But it's not going to work. Hopefully it subsides, until then I'm focused on doing things regardless of how I feel. Very strong urge to just hide away and sleep all day. Fake tiredness. Also thinking if I just go meditate I can center myself more and magically have more success in my life. Nope, meditation is a trap to go inside and self sabotage whatever is going on behind the scenes. Have to be really vigilant not to let this resistance win out and teach my subconscious that it works. Last time I was really aggressive about not giving into resistance I got a massive headache that didn't subside until I took it easy. Another trick, making me think that I needed to slow down instead of continuing to push more.

So what I realize now is that it's not emotional upheaval I'm up against right now. Just me resisting, so that makes things easier. Just have to be mindful of not giving in.
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07-07-2017, 05:23 AM (This post was last modified: 07-07-2017 06:29 AM by mat422.)
Post: #16
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
Went to sleep last night and had trouble getting asleep. Also had what appeared to be a mini panic attack. Seems like when I stopped with the busy day my mind focused more on the emotional healing and brought some stuff up. A lot of it had to do with being closed off to everyone around me. It's safe, sure, but it's no way to live life. Feels like my heart is cold. My attention is being brought more towards stuff I need to heal and acknowledge. Stuff that I've been telling myself for years wasn't really there but it was. I often feel alone and misunderstood, but it's really all my doing. I don't put myself out there and I don't share myself with the world. Instead I hide behind a bubble just observing it, but not really being in it.

Maybe it took DMSI to really start being aware of these protective barriers I put up. Prior to this I'd just shrug it off and think I was being dramatic. Maybe a further defense for not getting to the heart of the issue.

Either way the focus is on healing right now. My intention isn't rumination on what's going on underneath there. Notice my internal dialogue has been surprisingly compassionate and it's been helping. Encouragement, rather than criticism seems to definitely be making my growth better. Didn't even realize how much negative self talk I engaged in until today and how much I blindly accepted it as the truth. There's no duality here anymore and what I mean by that is seeing my negative critical voice as someone else or something foreign no longer applies. It's just learned responses, no malicious intent, so just understanding I can change that direction is really important.

Even though I grew a lot on AM6 I was still very critical of myself. The growth I had was never enough. It was always "when you get to this point then you can like yourself, until then you aren't good enough". But with DMSI it feels like I can be ok with myself regardless of where I am at with my life and as a result I have more energy and positivity to put towards improving my life. Now more than ever I see how motivation through things like insecurity, fear, or putting yourself down are largely ineffective and it's better to practice self compassion.
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07-08-2017, 06:44 AM
Post: #17
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
DMSI might be kicking in. Showed up at work yesterday and one of my coworkers hugged me. But she came skipping at me and pretty much tackle hugged me. I've been getting more attention from her ever since the later stages of Am6, but she's never initiated physical contact. She's older than me by about 10 years, but she acts like a little kid around me. Other coworkers are like "leave Mat alone" and she says "No, Mat loves me". Come to think of it, I had two other coworkers say the same thing. All of them in relationships, but they have this fascination with me. None of them are really my type, so I'm not gonna pursue anything. I'm pretty sure it's not really sexual attraction, more like the vibe I'm giving off of being non-judgemental and open and they like being around it. Positivity I guess?

But something else happened. I went out to my car during my break and I saw this woman walking to her car couldn't have been more than 200ft away. I'm just chilling there, I look up and it looks like she's on her phone. But she's by the back door instead of the driver door. And she's positioned in an angled way where her butt is pointed at me. Could be an IOI, could be coincidence. Hard to say. Something about it just struck me as odd, or like a gut feeling that it was a little out of place.

Another benefit of the healing, I've been making more progress learning how to make my music better. Been studying up on music theory and it's been putting all these fake rules in my head and I've been worried about making crap music. Fear is lessening so now the creative process is more enjoyable. Also not as worried about making the track I'm working on the best track ever and comparing myself to great artists.

For a sexual attraction sub, this sure does have a lot of overlap with other things in my life. Never would have guessed it.
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07-08-2017, 11:23 AM
Post: #18
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
Hmmm, maybe I was resisting a lot more than I thought. I'm noticing patterns of fear, then the resistance response, then me consciously deciding to push past the fear. Also realized I'm incredibly sexually repressed. A lot of guilt and shame when I'm sexually aroused by a hot woman. All that crap about objectifying women I internalized.

So far with this sub it's a lot easier for me to go with the changes. I can't really describe it, must be the tech. It just feels like a good idea instead of a bad or dangerous idea. That's the best way I can describe. You know when you think of something you don't want to do and you get that feeling? Well DMSI seems to give me the opposite of that. Interesting stuff.
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07-08-2017, 05:17 PM
Post: #19
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
Her acting like a kid around you is a definite sign she likes you Wink

Thinking of women sexually is a totally natural thing, the guilt and shame is the problem. Society comes up with all this crap "oh does that mean you just care about her body" when obviously no you can appreciate other things about her, and it's best when she does have other things to appreciate, but still with that appreciating her body and her sexually is totally normal.

Afterall they spend all this time dressing up sexually, make up etc.. Wink
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07-09-2017, 06:07 PM
Post: #20
RE: In this for the healing DMSI v3.1 A
(07-08-2017 05:17 PM)Benjamin Wrote:  Her acting like a kid around you is a definite sign she likes you Wink

Thinking of women sexually is a totally natural thing, the guilt and shame is the problem. Society comes up with all this crap "oh does that mean you just care about her body" when obviously no you can appreciate other things about her, and it's best when she does have other things to appreciate, but still with that appreciating her body and her sexually is totally normal.

Afterall they spend all this time dressing up sexually, make up etc.. Wink

I have much to learn haha.

Yeah, kind of bugs me I've lived this long with this hanging over my head. Kind of glad I decided to run DMSI otherwise I never would have realized it.

Completely separate from that, my gut is telling me to run 4 loops of dmsi. So that's probably gonna be when I go to sleep at night. Will update on how that goes tomorrow. Having said that. Do any of you listen at night?

Overall noticed that I have insecurities about looking at attractive women or having them see me. At work today and I caught a couple of women kind of eyeballing me. I don't know what I'm afraid of if I meet their gaze, but it's probably along the lines of fear of rejection or something.

Also completely fed up with retail. We had this 20% off sale today, just 20% off the entire order. But what really irritated me was how impatient everyone got and how disrespectful they were towards my coworkers and I. I was on my feet for close to 9 hours and I swear if a customer wanted to criticize me or stir shit up I was going to unleash hell on them. People get so goddamn stupid and animalistic whenever there is money involved in anything. Doesn't matter they only saved 2 dollars. The whole thing just bothered me, like how is the human race this bad at times? I have this feeling that I'll do my best to describe. It's like I feel like I'm being repelled from this job and at the same time being pulled towards something better. Shielded maybe? I don't know. What I do know is in the past with this job I got sucked into it and even if I wanted to do something else it felt like this job had it's claws in me. I don't have any idea how the world works really, but I swear locations and organizations have an energy to them. And they can manipulate your energy and get inside your body and mess up your whole balance. It's like having a pure body of water and then a dump truck full of sludge and other garbage is just poured into that body of water and pollutes it. Yeah, that's just a bit of a ramble there. Makes me wonder if I'm battling things that aren't conventional wisdom and that's why I've been having such a hard time in life.
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