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A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
09-14-2017, 12:21 AM
Post: #181
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
****... been really hungry today. First felt the burning feeling around my eyes which is usually a sign of excess energy, then been way more hungry.

Makes me think the aura might be kicking in. But I went down the street and felt by far the worst, insecure and least confident i've been in ages and basically felt like I was repelling girls.

So far the 'bloom' is making me feel really hungry and horrible.
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09-14-2017, 01:33 AM
Post: #182
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
The way I've been using B is to execute the bloom part of A and make me just "push through" everything. I've found using B is like taking down the stone wall in front of you. But that can be really f*cking painful if you just rip down the whole wall, A takes down the stones one by one. B just pulls the damn thing down.

So I let A "take down" say half of the wall and then B to rip down the rest.

Hunger for me kicks in when I'm clearing something, which usually then also goes hand in hand with feeling crappy.

ENTJ
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09-14-2017, 04:24 AM (This post was last modified: 09-14-2017 04:37 AM by Benjamin.)
Post: #183
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
B definately is full on.. a bit too much for me. Maybe I 'could' have had things happen in a few more weeks, though my set date to finish was the 4th of next month anyway.

But it is pretty intense. Hmm I thought hunger was more when the aura was projecting more, but if that was the case I wouldn't have felt so shit today maybe.

The other thing I don't know if i've mentioned, the last month or so i've consistently been horny a little more, had more wet dreams than in ages which made me think I was executing a little more than before. But not much past that.

I was curious and was looking through my posts and it seems 2.4 though I only used it like once I think, had the most obvious 'being hit on' stuff. But it was also frustrating in that they were very obvious, and sexual but then it amounted to nothing. But it still seemed way closer than 3.1 is where it's just girls are more friendly and smiling but I haven't noticed them obviously hitting on me.

Version 1 I didn't have a journal for, I think I only used it once too. I wrote a post somewhere but don't remember where.

The past versions seem more powerful in the sexual attraction way, being hit on obviously but seemed to miss the 'comfort' in that they seemed to blow themselves out in the end and it wouldn't go anywhere. 3.1 seems weaker on the sexual attraction but better on the comfort, due to the way most girls have been friendly and happy to talk on it. And going through some older posts it seems more people got laid on earlier versions and also hit on more obviously.
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SargeMaximus
09-14-2017, 04:41 AM (This post was last modified: 09-14-2017 04:48 AM by Benjamin.)
Post: #184
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
The advantage of these is it was when I was doing security which makes me more comfortable and more confident. But still those reactions aren't typical. Looks like I only done V1 and V2.4 once. It would have been good to see them after a bit more time.

This shit was pretty ***** obvious reading it now, can't say i've had anything similar with 3.1. I'm curious how it would go trying one of them again, but that would just be to have some sex in the short term and take me away from what I need to do which is deal with other things and let go of the obsession I put on sex so much. **** I don't know, maybe since I finished 3.1 before my planned date I might briefly.

V1.

Quote:Ended up going to work and found out I wasn't working, but I was there talking to a mate and then they said "it's a bit busy do you want to work anyway". So that's good cos I was going to go home. Staying got me to see what AOSI potentially could do.

Before all that, I used to have this weird fear based response when I was going out to clubs to meet girls and was nervous where I kept feeling like I needed to goto the toilet, well this kicked in strong tonight more than in ages. Some of it may be that I was actually nervous that it was going to be a big night (well before the djs cancelled) but I feel some of it was from AOSI.. specifically related to some fear around sex. Because I actually realized when I used to experiment with the aphrodesiac programs i'd get a fear response where I actually felt MORE nervous around girls but the occasional time it would be awesome and it worked well.. mostly it caused more fear. Shannon said it must be some fear around sex when it happened back then.

At first I didn't feel that comfortable, in fact I felt like I was actually repelling girls fully, like i'd say stuff to them and be ignored and just felt weird and uncomfortable. And here's the weird thing, as soon as I was asked to work instantly I felt more confident and comfortable and relaxed (just in the mind going to a position of power I guess) then things seemed to happen a little.

Actually before that when I was feeling uncomfortable this girl seemed to be staring over out the door tons. And when I walked past later seemed to make some motion at her friend towards me but I don't know cos after that I noticed nothing.

So after I officially was 'on the job'. A group come in and were standing out the front. One girl started talking to me, apparently I went to school with her.. she was so friendly.. touching me heaps, hugged me twice cos she said something and i'm like "do you want a hug" and she really seemed to enjoy it, kept talking to me heaps. Got annoyed when I said an offhand comment about people being like "I went to school with you let me in for free" and was like "I hope you don't think that's me" which I didn't but it was funny her reaction. Then she didn't talk to me a bit.

Weird was she seemed to come with a guy. A bit later she talked to me more and went inside and i'm like "don't start a fight or i'll restrain you" and she said "ooh well i'd enjoy that". But ended up leaving with the same dude she come in with and seemed to have a wedding/engagement ring (I have no ***** idea what finger they go on cos I always forget).

Then there was this girl sitting on a chair by herself that seemed to keep staring and when I looked back I got a weird vibe and look from her.

There was also a girl who I met at the gym with a guy he know. From what I could read he was really into her and she wasn't. In fact she kept trying to start the conversation with me while ignoring him for ages. I wasn't going to do anything there with him there but maybe if I see her at the gym again. Though something is strange about her, the gym instructor said she has aspergers and I noticed something weird tonight more than I did at the gym.

So I dind't feel a huge difference and it's not like all these girls were looking at me, but I did feel a difference in the girls I did talk to and how they were acting.

The last one was a girl i've known for years just from her going out when i've been working. She always talks to me a little but tonight she did heaps, standing really close but I didn't think anything of it as I had no success in the past when I went for her number.

But when we were closing she was talking to me out the front, standing really close to me, touching me. Kept asking "what are you doing now" and I suggested she come inside the pub again but she made weird excuses. Now that I think about it I should have asked if she wanted a lift home as it kind of had a bit more of that vibe than "come in and hang around longer". And one thing that stood out is a few times at something I said she was kind of shocked at (like a story or whatever) she exclaimed "**** me!" after she did it twice and how she did it.. I was like "what the hell.. is that a hint" and nearly was like "oh **** you hey" but I didn't.

She sat down near her sister and a guy and she's like "oh my feet hurt" and actually reached out and grabbed my hand. Then she put her head on me and I tapped her like "there there" and she kind of went weird like "why are you going there there" then I sat next to her and even after all that i'm like "**** is she keen" but after all her touching and stuff, when I touched her leg she moved away a little, then she was talking about back tattoos and I put my hand on her back and she got up and walked over to her other friends.

I have no ***** idea, because her grabbing my hand, standing so close and everything seemed so obvious.

But what Shannon said seems to stand out in that if you have this sexual kind of vibe they are attracted to but then if you are unconfident, doubtful and unsure of yourself they will feel weird and avoid you.

And that seems to be what happened. I was okay before that but at the point I thought "oh this is happening, gotta make a move" I started to feel uncomfortable, the conversation went weird and she walked off.

But anyway, it was definately a difference these interactions with these 2 girls seemingly hitting on me, touching me heaps.. which doesn't usually happen.

And **** me (haha) after that little taste my prediction is true.. I so want to do AOSI way, way more now.

But the initial fear response combined with when it potentially got close to something happening the doubts really come up.. yes E2 is needed otherwise just as with WM when I get close to the success whatever this fear/truama/annoying bs thing is will just come up to derail things.

V2.4.

Quote:1 night of just 3 loops, and if this is a taste of DMSI 2.4 then i'm hooked. Though as I said with subliminals I straight away get these awesome results and see a taste then they seem to go until later on.

First is I think a missing link is something that is changed by me doing security, something around projection of authority and such. Which unfortunately if it's unisex that can't be done. Because I did have a couple of girls actually approach me. That happens very occasionally doing security, but not usually several in a night.

I just got home, but decided I wanted to relax and type up some stuff. But i'm tired so it may be hard to think.

The first big thing that others have mentioned is respect from guys. Met a few new guys through other people I know and got along with them better than usual. Though it also brought out some fuckheadedness from less secure guys I feel.

My confidence was definately higher than it has been for a while. Doing security does factor into that I admit but this was a little different. The girl who works security who isn't attractive at all was noticably more open and friendly to me. Which I guess is good, though she's ***** useless and doesn't know what to do if anything ever happens.

First when I got there a girl i've known since I was a kid was there. She's never done this before but she was full on all touchy, put her arm around me and seemed to be flirting more than usual. She isn't unattractive but she just doesn't do it for me. But it was interesting to note how touchy she was.

Some girls I said something to kind of ignored it and we're weird, including one I matched with on tinder a while ago. But the most interesting thing about that is that she is a little fat, but still attractive. But she reacted like that and the girls who come to talk to me tonight were highly attractive, way more than usually do stuff like this with me.

At the door one started talking to me, being pretty flirty. Can't remember many details in my tiredness.

The first notable one. I was standing with another security guy. Somehow this guy always has these girls all over him and hitting on him, but the weird thing is my mate who works with us tells me has a wife who is incredibly fat.. then he has all these sexy girls all over him and tells them he's taken.

So first these 2 girls come up to him talking about his muscles. I'm more muscular than him but I had a jacket on. I love this guy because unlike some insecure fuckheads he happily passes it on and says to one of them "what about his muscles" and I took one sleeve of my jacket off and flexed and she's like "wow yours are good too" and started talking to me and kept feeling up my arm and asking me questions. But then when her friend left she did too. I was joking around about superpowers and said her superpower is feeling me up and that my superpower is getting felt up by girls. (Hence the title of the journal)

I talked to her a few more times, after we had to physically remove a fuckhead I was going to her "oh my god where were you when we needed to restrain someone" and then I told her I may need to restrain her next and she put her arms behind her back and said "go ahead" and I pulled her hair and she got into it until her friend got upset and said something.

I told her i'd restrain her when I finished and she said ok, then I said "give me your number incase I can't find you" and she said she doesn't know it (PFFT). I grabbed her on the ass a few times too and she kept grabbing my arms. At the end of the night her friend was making out with a guy and she stood there looking cold. I said "I think you need a cuddle" and put my arm around her. Then i'm like "what are you doing now, stay back with me" then she's like "her mums here to pick us up" and left and i'm going to the guy "what the **** man" and he said "cockblocked by her mum" haha.

After that first one come up, I was standing inside and another girl come over and stood right next to me and stared at me, I think I said "hi" first automatically the way she looked at me. But it was full on her approaching me and it was pretty obvious. She asked how many layers I was wearing and actually put her hand down my shirt to see, and i'm like "you just wanted to feel up my chest" and she said "yeah" and a few minutes later I opened my jacket and i'm like "ok go ahead" and she kept feeling it up and put her hand up my shirt. And was very flirty and suggestive. She said she had to goto the bar and I got her number incase I didn't find her after.

I was talking to the first girl i've known for years, and this same girl come up and rubbed between my legs with her leg all suggestively. But went weird at this other girl being there, the other girl kept saying how 'bad' I was in a suggestive way. Thinking of it now the way she was touching me at the start of the night and how she was saying that it was like she was insinuating we had ***** and it scared her off which was annoying.

I messaged her near the end of the night. Then seen her standing there and talked to her more, pretending I was going to armlock her. She took her shoes off and was like "Ill show you a move" and this drunk guy was like "ok ok come over here and wrestle" and was going to people "ok im selling tickets to this fight". WTF. I said to her "I'll give you a cuddle instead" and put my arms around her and she put hers around me. I asked if she knew the guy as I thought they were friends, she didn't haha.

And I was like "What are you doing now" she said she had to find her friends and I told her "dont worry i'm more fun". Then this guy I know come in and like the biggest fuckard goes "Ben stop harassing girls" which I just ignored but she went weird and walked off. Then this idiot seriously said "I was helping you out" and I just said "**** off, you were cockblocking". Later on he asked for a lift.. **** no.

Then I was annoyed to see her walk out with another guy and leave with him with his arms around her. WTF.

Same old pattern of nights where this has happened in the past on occasion. Girls all over me when i'm doing security but when I try to close it they disappear. I was getting angry after it like "***** attention whores".

At the end of the night I was talking to a guy who used to work at the gym and his gf, and another girl who I tried to go on a date with years ago which was interrupted by her dad being angry was there and we were talking, turns out they were friends. He seemed to be hinting "when are you finishing" like he was trying to hook us up. But it's weird at this point i've known her so long and though we flirt a bit I can't really imagine ***** her anymore. So I kind of just let it go and went inside after a while.

One other girl is one who has liked me for years, but i've not had sex with due to several things that make it just not worth it. Well we used to flirt tons then she ignored me the last few times. This time she was full on, grabbing my ass, talking about how her friend said I have a nice ass, poking my chest, talking about anal sex. So much that her friend is like "oh my god you guys need a room and lube". I briefly considered ***** her but then come to my senses like "not worth it at all for the potential bs".

There may have been more, but i'm almost falling asleep so it's hard to think.

What I can say is I potentially made a mistake giving into the urge. Because honestly after the taste of tonight how the hell am I going to go back to E2. Right now after all that, I want to do DMSI 2.4 for a while and I probably will.

Several girls coming to talk to me, all highly attractive. Yes with security it happens at times, but not this many times to me in a night and definately not girls to this level of attractiveness.

But it leads me to think what I said at first that the projection of authority, being the man in charge, having the power.. whatever it is might be one of the missing links to actually get girls to approach. Sure they weren't like "oh lets have sex" which for some reason you guys are expecting and getting upset when it doesn't happen.

But coming and flirting and feeling me up, I don't need much else. If that happens regularly it's only a matter of time. And the awesome thing, I guess the autopilot was me being suggestive, grabbing them back a little, putting my arms around them and such... and also suggesting we do something after I finish. All awesome and felt natural and I did it without fear. If that's what DMSI was branded at initially, as dealing with the fear of talking to girls, making the move and whatever and caused things like this even if they aren't like "lets have sex". And it did it consistently and helped me to make the right moves on autopilot and have the confidence, i'd be happy.

I'm seeing alot of you guys like "Oh I went out and a girl didn't come up and ask me to bend her over and **** her right there so it's a failure".

Some of the problem there could the the initial premise of DMSI doing that and the marketing around having girls proposition you for sex.

Seriously if stuff that happened to me tonight happened regularly.. what more do you need. This is probably the most obvious girls are going to get, and it's just needed to take those opportunities.
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09-15-2017, 06:06 AM
Post: #185
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
I don't know what to say about the bloom. I mentioned it felt like the pressures off, but it seems like the way I was getting along with girls is quickly going downhill, plus insecurities are coming up more than in ages.

For a few days though after massive frustration one night I felt less needy and didn't care much. Asked a few girls out i've been talking to online but didn't go anywhere. There was one i'd been talking to that I met in a shoeshop, I decided I didn't really want to see her as she's fat and low quality. But she messaged me today as I said when I run into her last weekend I might go bowling. I thought 'oh **** it" and suggested we meet sunday.

Now this is weird, as soon as I did that alot of deservingness i've been feeling in the last few days seemed to disappear, neediness for sex and such all come back. It's annoying because i'm like "can't I just ***** have some sex while i'm waiting for higher quality girls" seems not.. because it's like my mind goes "Oh you're just trying to be with her, a girl you don't really want just for sex, maybe you don't deserve the other ones you've been talking to."

Too coincidental timing how after I messaged her suggesting it how I started to feel like crap. And weirdly she didn't reply, but she usually replies in a day cos girls are weird. But I decided how I felt after sending it that i'll likely cancel on her if she says yes anyway.

And another woman messaged me first tonight on POF, and it was either the insecurities coming up after earlier, or DMSI wearing off only after 3 days.. but i've noticed alot of that already, or that i've been playing Divinity Original Sin 2 for hours. But I feel almost retarded in my answers and awkward talking, so much that I stopped even answering because I couldn't be bothered.

So in the apparent 'bloom' the little evidence I had of DMSI working is fading, the aura seems to be fading and such. There has been a few instances where with some girls it seemed to be fading then i'd come across a girl and something seemed to be there. Like when I come back into the gym after leaving my shirt, I talked to a girl sitting at the table and she was giggling in a weird way, then the girl who served me when I got coffee was asking me how often I goto the gym and such.

But mostly it seems like after only like 3 days most of it is fading.

The other weirdness from tonight could also be that when I was doing my mindfulness type healing work I come across something intense, a blockage that's come up in my body many times when staying with emotions and it come up pretty strongly today. So maybe that processing.

It's up and down so much. Earlier in the day felt pretty good, not needy, like one of these girls I would be with eventually. Then it all went downhilll and now needy, feeling like it won't happen with any of them and such.

So much for the healing and clearing I guess. Undecided
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09-15-2017, 06:29 AM (This post was last modified: 09-15-2017 06:31 AM by Benjamin.)
Post: #186
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
Oh I think I just realized why I feel a little retarded talking to this woman.

Its because she doesnt inspire me. I dont feel drawn to her. I dont give a **** at all nor am I curious about her.

All it is that she messaged me so maybe I can get some.. past that I have no interest.

So its just me trying to force it. Even today I admitted to myself "If I see this girl who messaged me its just for her vagina'. Where the others ive been talking to im interested in for other things too. And thats where I enjoy things more and dont have to force it awkwardly.

This is kind of how I get after not having sex for a while. Though this time up until a week or so ago I chose not to.
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09-15-2017, 08:28 AM
Post: #187
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
I'm not too great with women or anything but I get this. It's like the more that's cleared the standards shoot up more. And I also feel a lot less guilty about not giving a crap.

It's a bit like going out or staying in for the night when friends invite you. You go if you want to, you don't if you don't.

INFP
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Benjamin
09-15-2017, 03:56 PM
Post: #188
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
Well that has happened yeah. I guess I just nearly fell into the old pattern. I was a bit shocked though how fast that brought on old feelings, like almost instantly. But atleast one thing it did is make me choose not to see her after I asked and realized how it made me feel.

So standards are up in general.. but theres still something there that tries to drag me back after not being with a girl for a while.
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09-19-2017, 04:50 AM
Post: #189
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
Weird.

So at one point on 3.1 I decided to stop having protein shakes every day and mainly would just have them on gym days.

Now that i've stopped today on my day off I had one again and have the urge to again.

Obviously DMSI lead me to that, but I don't think it was a positive thing in that i'm definately not as muscular since before DMSI. So it makes me wonder if it was potentially beneficial or it might have been a reversal type response.

During E2 I lost alot of motivation for the gym, got some back on DMSI. But one negative of emotional healing is it seems to have affected my drive at the gym as it was possibly coming from insecurity. I've had this thought a few times in the last year or so, but I haven't been able to manage to get it back for other reasons. I'm still going because of force of habit and the benefits, but it's annoying not having that drive like I did.

The other negative is looking at photos of myself I seem to look older compared to before which isn't a good thing.
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09-19-2017, 07:56 PM (This post was last modified: 09-19-2017 07:58 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #190
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
Interesting. E2 and DMSI took me away from red pill kind of stuff. But today after a week off i'm interested in it again, mainly the parts on masculinity.

Then weirdly when I started reading it I started to feel depressed again. Mainly around how society is attacking masculinity and such, I didn't really read the more anger filled articles.

Weird. Brings up the urge for AM again, I feel like all the healing and such has taken me away from that direction of masculinity and sensitized me a bit. I wonder how AM6 would go now with the healing i've done and the other things i've dealt with around abandonment.

Though i'm really still working on it so it may not be the best time yet as there is definately the deeper stuff hanging around, though it has improved.

So likely Universal Detox will be next. I was having an easy time having a break and didn't care until last night the urge to really start something else come up. I'll probably wait a little longer though.

And i'm still doing this other healing method combining some mindfulness and energy healing to get trauma and other things out of the body, which would confict with AM way more, but with UD it would work in a synergistic way.

Even the other stuff I was doing around learning to feel whole in myself and such seemed to go a little against DMSI which continually would push me to be obsessed about meeting girls everywhere, but atleast it did lead me to start to do that healing.
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Dr. Strangelove
09-19-2017, 08:11 PM
Post: #191
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
Running an old tech 6-month program doesn't seem prudent at this point. I think you'd stick with it, but I keep seeing people start AM then see another "more enticing" program get built, and they jump ship 'cuz they don't have the patience to finish.

I think good call on UD...but, I may be biased b/c I wanna run UD, too!
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09-19-2017, 08:22 PM (This post was last modified: 09-19-2017 08:24 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #192
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
It's mainly because of the subject matter of AM at this point, and i'd likely try the refresher stage because I don't think I can go through the pedanticness of having to make sure I keep every Stage the exact same amount of listening for 32 days and all that. Especially after doing AM for a year.

UD is probably the best step forward to continue healing those issues I started focusing on the last few months. But what I really need to work on to move forward in life is to earn more money, so it's a tossup between a bit longer on healing with UD because those issues are still kind of 'fresh' and not totally solved. But I just feel like i've been in one place for so long just focusing on healing and feeling like i'll never see the end of it.

Another sidenote, today I noticed my desire to build more muscle again. I haven't had that for ages. On DMSI I kind of didn't care much, was complacent, still went to the gym but not much drive, didn't care about building more muscle. Like with protein shakes it makes me wonder if it was a potential reversal response, because generally more muscular means more attractive. Of course to a certain point, i'm not talking about freak level.. but in general it does.

It feels like programs with healing put me in a state like that where there isn't exactly forward 'growth' whether it be the gym, money or whatever.. but just internal stuff happening, and like E2 getting off DMSI things are possibly reawakening.

But the theory is after proper healing things can take off way better without the baggage. But I fear going and doing UD now.. it will just have me being stuck in place again for 3-6 months.
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09-19-2017, 11:27 PM (This post was last modified: 09-19-2017 11:29 PM by Benjamin.)
Post: #193
RE: A Journey To Wholeness (DMSI 3.1)
Thinking about it more, UD may have more benefits in the long term. Of course there's the emotional stuff i've been working on.

But also an issue with candida that's annoyed me for years. I've pretty much got it under control, but it pops up every now and then to annoy me. Itchy ears, itchy red spots in my beard recently.

I also believe it's one thing that affects my energy negatively, and it may be responsible for some of my cloudy and light headedness. Though I also realized the cloudy head was related to trauma because it's got better since I was on E2 and was doing TRE and Somatic Experiencing, and it come up directly during those sessions at times.

And I feel it's also been strangling my sex drive a bit. During DMSI i've noticed it come up a couple of times, but never consistent and nowhere near as strong as it used to be.

So maybe i've adjusted to it and I don't notice it makes me feel shit and i'm used to a kind of low level of energy. So it feels 'normal' but isn't ideal at all, especially since i'm eating the healthiest I have in my life and how fit I am. And for this issue doctors are incredibly useless, one suggested antibiotics. But taking antibiotics for other things made the candida worse every time.

I'm mainly trying to analyze this in my head, UD vs working on money.

Seems UD would be more beneficial in the long term though it will delay movement in the area I need mostly to move forward.

It's mainly the uncertainty that gets me. And fear of investing another large chunk of time into something that doesn't get me where I want.
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