Ben - Journey To Alpha....

[benjamin]

So.. after finding this site last night and reading everybody else's journals for hours. I decided on getting the Alpha Male program.

I am 26 and live in Australia. At about 17 I got into PUA stuff with the DYD ebook. And got some good success for a few years. Slept with alot of girls, lost weight, turned my life and my confidence around. Still there was some deep insecurity there I couldn't shake. And because of that I got more and more into the material and the more I got into it, the worse things got.

But in the last 4 years everything has gone down hill. I've put more weight on than ever before, lost nearly all of my confidence, stay at home most of the time, haven't got many girls for a few years except for fat, disgusting ones that i've settled for. Just generally unhappy with my life.

I've been doing the sedona method for months now, but things haven't developed how I would like. I also have tried some matrix reimprinting eft which allows you to let go of negative emotions connected to memories and change the memory however you want. Changing a few early memories around girls have shown me the power of it, but strangely I haven't kept it up because there is a fear of it actually working (Self Sabotage.)

I have also been listening to holosync for about 2 months. And am going to continue with it. An hour a night followed by my subliminals of Alpha Male and absolute self confidence.

So a few things about how my life is now for both myself to look back at and anybody who wants to read. Generally related to what the Alpha Male audio is dealing with.

-I do security and am more confident there, but it isn't real. I can fake it there and put on a mask, but it doesn't feel like me. I also can't stand up to certain people like my boss and alot of the time don't say what I want if somebody has upset me.

-With my friends I am generally the one doing the following and alot of the time doing things I don't want to do because I am afraid of saying no, upsetting them or getting into an argument with them.

-With girls, I can talk to them sometimes, but can't seem to approach any more. Most of my interactions are at work, but it never seems to go anywhere due to neediness and not being fully confident to make a move.

-I have last week started fitness and strength training again. I have been teaching martial arts for a while in my shed, but let my fitness go alot and haven't been training very hard, last week I decided to combine both fitness/strength and martial arts training. It's wearing me out, but is good. My problem in the past has been keeping up the exercise.

-With eating, I eat very badly and am finding it very hard to change that. It lasts for a few days then goes back.

-I live with my parents and am not very independent. I have moved out twice and both times have been dragged back, like they don't want me to leave. Especially the second time when I moved to the city, I run out of money and had housemate problems and they urged me to move back. I have gone downhill alot within myself since then.

-I only work on the weekends and can't imagine having a full time job as all the other jobs except nightclub security I have hated and this is only weekends.

-I live in a kind of a small place and it gets boring, which is why I don't go out much. But in reality I know if I was fully confident and open to doing what I really want to do I wouldn't have to worry so much, I could have fun and do what I want even here. Though ideally I want to move to the city.

-I am fairly shy, especially in groups I don't really talk at all and also pretty bad around girls.

Ok so some of my intentions for this program are.

-Improve my confidence and have it be consistently high, as well as self-esteem.

-Be able to approach girls i'm attracted to and express my interest in them. Take the interaction where I want.

-Let go of neediness.

-Really build the belief that I am good enough, attractive and can really get the girls I want.

-Be more assertive, stand up for myself. Which I can do physically due to training but have problems sometimes emotionally or in conversation.

-Increase my drive, focus and motivation for martial arts training as well as strength and fitness training. To be consistent with it.

-Improve my eating habits and be consistent.

-Going with the last 2, losing weight, building muscle, improving my body.

-To improve my relationship with everybody. Parents, friends, acquaintances.

-To become more independent, to do stuff for myself, to move out of home and support myself.

-To get a job I really love and to be able to work more so I can get more money.

-Ideally finally get the courage to start my own business. Martial arts training is where it is at for me. One thing is I want to get fitter and better skilled myself before that as i've really let that go and don't have half the skill I used to.

-Become more social. And start to enjoy it.

-Become more of a leader in life in general and in my social group.

-Make new friends who are really going where I want to be or already there so they can support me.

-Become more masculine, more courageous, face my fears and expand my comfort zone.

-Get out of the house more and really enjoy it.

-Attract and be with the girls I really want. Have a choice with them. To be able to be completely honest with what I want, whether it be a girlfriend or just somebody to hang around, have fun with and sleep with while also seeing other women. (at the moment I tend to be more towards the second option.)

Ok.. that pretty much covers the main things. I am sure I will update it as I go along, but that's pretty good for now.

So I listened to the audio for about an hour today, and since I can't hear anything I am not sure if it's working. And turning up my speakers more I get a garbled sound. If I turn them down then other things aren't loud enough. (was watching family guy while listening to it.)

Tonight is my first proper listening, I will see how I feel tomorrow.

-Ben

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Oh I did start the absolute self confidence subliminal yesterday. I didn't feel much of a difference, but one thing that hit me was something that happened.

Was sitting in my friends car waiting for him to get subway for lunch and a girl I kind of know walked past, I called out to her and she come over. I felt a little uncomfortable talking to her, but I did notice the whole time she was playing with her necklace ALOT. And I really was drawn to this. I know it's a sign from reading about it, but don't usually notice it. Thinking about it later this was unusual (in a good way.)

My intuition is there may be something about noticing girls signals in the absolute self confidence audio? Or am I just imagining things?

-Ben

[ronatello]

Since you had "it" before, it won't take long for you to get it back. About the ultrasonic... you are normally not going to hear it except for a faint high frequency signal. If you have the volume up so loud that you hear garbled voices, it's too loud. Set the volume by playing a music mp3 at the volume that you normally listen to music at.
And congrats on getting Alpha Male. Each stage is cumulative (builds upon the last one used) and at the end of stage 6, you will have come a long way. I'm almost 2 weeks into stage 3 and its like... I'm more inclined to do my own thing and forget about women right now. Sure I enjoy their company but I don't "need" their company. Neediness and the urge to qualify myself has been my Achilles Heel for a while until I started Alpha Male.
I would also suggest that you run Alpha Male solo (w/o using any other subs).

[benjamin]

Thanks Ronatello.
I did read about setting them the same volume as music, but when I did that I got the garbled sound. So I had to turn it down and turn up the volume in the program seperately where I was watching shows or listening to music.

Thanks for the suggestion. I will just stick to the Alpha Male subliminal and holosync which has no subliminals.

My mind is trying to rebel and tell me "no you need more.. you need the confidence one too.." I don't know if it's intuition or a Self Sabotage mechanism. But because of your recommendation and reading similar things in others journals I will just stick to Alpha Male.

-Ben

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Oh and just wondering whats with when you swear in a post it cuts off half of your sentence. Fair enough if it censors the actual word, but it cuts off several words before that and puts stars at the start of the sentence. Strange way to do it.

I admit I do swear alot, especially hanging around other security guys and in that industry it's made it worse.

[ronatello]

The censoring thing can be a pain sometimes but its there in case others read the forums in a work like environment.

Quote: My mind is trying to rebel and tell me "no you need more.. you need the confidence one too.." I don't know if it's intuition or a Self Sabotage mechanism. But because of your recommendation and reading similar things in others journals I will just stick to Alpha Male.

It's your subconscious playing tricks on you. It will do anything to get you to stop. The subconscious is used to the "status quo" and can be quite resistive to change but yes, it can be changed. It just takes some time.
What kind of speakers are you using for the subliminals? If they crackle like that set at a level that your normally listen to music at, you might need to upgrade.

[benjamin]

So my comments so far after 2 nights of listening.

I won't usually post every day, only when I think something is happening from the audios.

I've noticed more desire to get up earlier. I got up a few hours earlier yesterday and went down the street. Sleeping alot is another thing I want to change, and the time I get up is pretty late. I did go down the street because I wanted to buy a diary for working out, but usually I would avoid this because I can't be bothered and stay home.

Strangely at the same time I was feeling a bit anxious, but behind that was still the desire to go somewhere.

I've noticed the last few days i've been able to say no without much thought or worry. Like my friend wanted me to take something over to his house, and usually I would do it without even wanting to, I told him I would when I come over next but will stay home tonight. And he wanted me to see a movie tonight, usually alot of the time I would despite having other stuff planned, but I told him I had to train tonight (martial arts) otherwise I would.

Feeling a bit anxious today when I got up, don't feel like going anywhere at all. I got up earlier for a sedona method session.

I'm also feeling very stuffed today (tired) this is due to sleeping less because I got up for a call, but I felt similar yesterday, and that's okay because I read it's part of the subliminals.

I think I will post every week from now. I have too much of an attachment to outcome and keep looking for it, I hope this program deals with that also.

Sometimes I don't know if i'm inventing changes I notice or if their really happening. But we shall see.

Anyway, i'm gonna go and play some Divinity 2 on xbox 360.

-Ben

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And Ronatello, I can definately see my mind trying to stop me. Not so much with this so far because I just have to push play, but I definately see it with processes i've practiced. (latest is matrix reimprinting.)

And I get it with holosync sometimes, it helps that this audio can't be heard consciously as it helps. But I can see my mind trying to stop me listening to it.

My computer speakers aren't that good, but it seems okay on my cd player speakers. I actually found a volume that is okay for my computer too.

It's not so much the censoring, it's that it cuts off some of the words before it and brings the censored word to the start of the line, very strange.

-Ben

[ronatello]

Quote: have too much of an attachment to outcome and keep looking for it, I hope this program deals with that also.

It will in due time. You will find out in due time how independent and un-needy this program will make you. Yes, you will approach women but there will be NO need behind it. You will be doing it just for fun.
As far as my journal is concerned, I tend to keep it down to just once a week and I usually write a weekly recap every Saturday. On occasion, I will write a bit in between the recaps (if I wanted to describe an a-ha experience, random thoughts, and so on).

[benjamin]

So I think that I am getting a little more aggressive.

From practicing the sedona method, I had started to 'let go' of my reaction when somebody pissed me off and ignored them. And it never felt as good as addressing it. Though there's gotta be a balance, totally going off on them doesn't help, neither does being totally passive.

So the first thing was a guy on another site talked shit because I mentioned I didn't like a product. Instead of just ignoring him I got stuck into him and really told him what I thought, though it was more on the emotional side just talking crap back to him, i'm sure it will balance out.

And I also got a PM from a guy called DR. LOVE from "Brazil" who says apparently it's hard to buy 'such products' from Brazil (so credit cards mustn't exist there?) and could I sent him the links to Alpha Male.

I've got alot of these on other sites also and usually just ignore them, but strangely I felt like addressing it. I told him I won't be giving him the links and if he sends it to everyone (which I have the feeling he would have) he will just piss people off and I don't want to hear about it again.

Both things are unusual for me.

I woke up today feeling very stuffed, but after being up for a while I got over it.

-Ben

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hahahahahaha... I see the forum changed the word I used to 'weeweed'. hahahahah. Damn I hate censorship!

[benjamin]

Damn I feel like i'm posting so much, but I actually keep noticing differences already.

Tonight I did security. Just got home not long ago.

There's this girl i've known for a few months, talk to her every now and then, she works in a supermarket, that's where I first met her.

Seen her at a service station last night but didn't get to talk long, and then I thought "i'm gonna ask her out when I see her next".

She come to where I was working tonight and I smiled because of the strange coincidence and thought "here's my chance".

But during the night she turned me off ALOT. This is a change that I actually lost interest despite her looks unlike in the past.

She was going "see that guy over there, he's a f&*khead, he is my ex, can you smash him, kick him out etc". I said "no he hasn't done anything" and changed the subject. It's funny some other 'monkey' took the bait and went over to the guy to have a go at him, she looked pleased until I said "if he starts anything, I will stop him from doing it." Nothing happened with it luckily or I would have took down the other guy, not her 'terrible ex boyfriend'.

Not long later she come over complaining about another guy 'harassing' her, wanted me to bash him and said "were gonna keep walking past until he does something and then you can bash him" (I can't believe these fools think I would do that.)

She looked shocked again when I said "obviously if you do that, your the ones causing trouble.. don't do it.." she kept trying to complain and I said "come and talk to me when your in a good mood" and walked off.

Later she come over and her friend was like "she's in a good mood now." and I had to tell her "wait a minute" as I was pointing out something to another security guy.

The shift is in the past I would have put up with that without saying anything, but this is another shift i've had just in the last few days. I bet she is used to controlling guys because she seemed really shocked when I told her she was the one causing trouble and walked off on her.

So a good development.

I tend to get quick results initially with most programs, then alot of the time they seem to drop off after a few weeks, hopefully because this program is helping me clear the negative beliefs first it will stick.

-Ben

[ronatello]

Sounds like you're getting great results right off the bat, which means you have little resistance, less than mine (I can be resistive at times).
One thing the Alpha Male program will allow for is to see BS (and you spotted it from that girl trying to control you so kudos to that!!!).

[benjamin]

Quote:Sounds like you're getting great results right off the bat, which means you have little resistance, less than mine (I can be resistive at times).

Not necessarily. I know with myself alot of my resistance usually comes later on into programs.

Or maybe because I have been doing holosync for a few months it has lessened. I have had some days where i've had alot of resistance to that and been feeling very terrible.

I actually did have some resistance coming up last night. Trying to stop me from even listening to it when it is just as simple as pressing play. My mind was telling me "no don't do it, there is no point.. it's not working etc" (even though it obviously is.) I just let that be there and said "thankyou for that ego" and pushed play when it was time.

Quote:One thing the Alpha Male program will allow for is to see BS (and you spotted it from that girl trying to control you so kudos to that!!!).

Thanks, i've actually had alot of neediness come up last night after posting that and today about her.. weird. I was so turned off last night, but there's another part of me that is being really needy. Oh well I will let that go in time.

-Ben

[benjamin]

So there is quite a few things from last night.

I worked security. Early in the night when it is quiet we tend to sit around and talk a bit until more people come. I was standing there and I noticed a girl sitting down staring at me hardcore. I was making some excuses. But it was too obvious, so I had to find out. Was too scared to approach her initially. But funnily enough she found a way to end up near me and I approached her. I was right she was looking at me because she talked to me for quite a while. After a bit I said "lets go outside, it's a bit hard to hear here" and she come out with me. She was a bit nervous but stuck around and was actively participating in the conversation.

A bit later, sat next to her, talked a bit more and got her number. Sent her a sms so she had mine saying 'giggidy' and found out she likes family guy too.

Another interesting thing. Her friend come in with a guy, she was sitting on his knee and hugging him at first. Then not long later another group of guys said "she needs your help.. this guy is harassing her" and pointed at the same guy.

Now instantly I thought '*****' because of how close they were earlier.

Standing there I felt a rush of anger that seemed to come from nowhere just come up. I noticed this was unusual and just let it be there while breathing. It may have been a bit related to that, but also I feel its just stuff coming up and going out because of the subliminal.

I called the girl over and asked her what was going on and told he straight I wasn't sure about it because she was hugging him earlier and now is saying he is harassing her. She said "ok you're right. I just want to talk to him alone and these other guys keep coming over trying to have a go at him".

So I said "okay.. you go and talk to him and I will come and watch and stop these other guys for now" I told these other guys she wanted to talk to him alone and they accepted that, the guy ended up leaving after talking to her.

A few other developments. A girl I talk to a bit come over and was saying "you haven't brought me a drink yet" and I said straight out "you haven't sucked my c&*k yet" she seemed shocked but come closer and said "I might if you steal that for me" (pointing at a footy jumper) I just said "I don't think so, I don't pay for it" and she hit me in the arm.

After that she was ALOT more interested, she come over not long later and I said (Ciarian Shock and awe from RSD forum) "What are you doing later?" she said "sleeping" and I said "you can come home with me" she didn't no what to say, was just like "uh I have to sleep" and I just kept eye contact and said nothing. I couldn't hear what she said next but I broke the tension by saying "I didn't hear what you said" when it would have been better not to.

Thinking back, even if she didn't come home with me, after being so direct, while also not caring, she was alot more interested and I could have atleast got her number.

It was interesting, 2 of her friends who were also very cute come over and were smiling at me too. Not long later we had to physically eject one of her friends boyfriends and I didn't see the original girl after that so don't know what she thought about it.

Not much else to report, I did feel more comfortable in general around people and around girls and talked to a few more than usual.

You guys have talked about dreams from the programs. I can't remember any dreams any other night from it so far, but last night it started.

I know when my subconscious is being effected when I start getting certain dreams from in the past where I used a program that was theta brainwaves combined with affirmations and constantly started getting sex dreams and changes started happening. Unfortunately I stopped the program as it was more pua related and I chose to stop with pua material.

My dream last night was pretty random, but a few things stood out.

I remember being somewhere with a few people, me and a girl I was with in the dream and another couple who were our friends (by the way I don't really know who they were, but in the dream it made sense.)

There was this drunk guy laying there with his d&*k hanging half out and we were quite disgusted and annoyed. Then a group of guys dressed in black come out of nowhere and started beating on him and were trying to tie him up and drag him underground from a hole (yes strange).

And though the guy made me angry for having his package hanging half out, I felt he didn't deserve this and went over to stop them, I ended up having to smash a few of them and then I had a huge group after me. There was this big dramatic scene of all of us trying to escape and eventually got into a car and ended up in a casino I think.

I think I fought a few more of these guys there and then another guy come in and pointed a gun at me, I talked him down and he said "that car you have is stolen" though in the dream I knew it was my friends car. And pointed to some other guy who was in our group as the guy who caused it.

I went looking for the guy with the gunman in tow, seen the guy in question, run at him, elbowed him in the chest and sent him flying over a table. A wig come off and it was somebody else dressed as this guy and it turned out this guy escaped and we had to go find him somewhere else.

All very weird.

Walked back to my group of friends, noticed there was a very cute girl following me, I turned around and kissed her and then just walked away.

Then went back to my 'girlfriend' in the dream and I think the dream ended.

The parts that stood out as important was me standing up to the group, talking down the gunman and decking the guy who was meant to be responsible. And definately the part of grabbing and kissing the girl who was following me around.

-Ben

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Oh one thing I realized that is different, with alot of dreams in the past I have had scenes where i've been fighting people and no matter what I do they won't go down, nothing hurts them, they keep getting up.

Compared to this dream where I quickly dealt with them with obvious efficiency.

Interesting.

[benjamin]

Seems like I am posting every day, but I am gonna start looking at this as my own journal to write in regularly and what is happening so why not also have it up here.

Just realized i've been speaking my mind more, realized this before when my sister rang complaining about her boyfriend and how when he gets drunk he always goes off and yells at her.

I've met him once, instantly hated him, looks like he has been in jail (think he has) and pretty much just trash. I told my sister tonight "that's because he is a f&*khead" which I thought all along but have never mentioned.

Funnily enough she went quiet straight away and was like "oh I have to go" and that was it.

I know I did upset her, but i'd rather speak my mind, it feels alot better and maybe might help her realize.

[ronatello]

It's definitely okay to be direct. Even though your sister didn't really like what you said about her boyf, you told her the truth. Later on, she will wise up and thank you for your honesty.

[benjamin]

So last night I had a dream that followed some of the same patterns.

I remember being in a hotel room with a few people where we were obviously hiding out at trying to get away from somebody. At one point we quickly packed up everything and had to steal a car to escape and there was this overwhelming feeling that somebody was after us.

Ended up in some warehouse and the car disappeared, and there was the distinct feeling of my friend who was with me owning the car and us looking for it everywhere.

Went into a back storeroom and somebody gave me a list of everything that had gone through there, I sat down and was reading it, looking for the car. All of a sudden a teacher appeared in front of me at a desk and it turned into a kind of a classroom.

I just remember the teacher trying to tell me to do something and me yelling and going off at him because I didn't like him telling me what to do. I went and got in his face and yelled more, in the end I think he just shut up.

Then I looked around and there was 3 girls sitting at a desk checking me out hardcore and I went over very confidently with a big smile on my face, sat down and started talking to them. One of them lit up and said "wow.. we always thought you were really shy."

That was pretty much the end of the dream I think.

It's funny these patterns 2 nights in a row. I can understand the parts with the girls, showing me that my confidence and self belief is increasing in that area positively.

But the thing 2 nights in a row about running away from something, the feeling that somebody is after me and cars being stolen and disappearing. Strange.

Then there's the huge anger and rebelling against people trying to control and manipulate me. First elbowing the guy in the first dream and this time yelling at the teacher.

---

And more resistance is coming up. Last night the way I was feeling was like "oh f&*k i've gone back to how I was, this isn't working" and the urge of trying to stop. (despite the evidence to the contrary and the dreams that prove my subconscious is absorbing the subliminals.)

I had a realization.. I thought about this because it is a pattern that keeps occurring.

What if it is just my mind trying to convince me it's not working and the change won't stay by temporarily making me feel like i've gone backwards because it is scared of the change and will do anything to stop it.

Wow! That's certainly a realization, the thing is this pattern has stopped me nearly every time in the past, i'm happy that I caught it this time and had that realization.

Unfortunately I predict it will get stronger and rebel more.

Hmmmm... maybe all the anger and rebellion in my dreams has something to do with this pattern of my mind trying to stop me and trying to regain control?

[ronatello]

Quote: Hmmmm... maybe all the anger and rebellion in my dreams has something to do with this pattern of my mind trying to stop me and trying to regain control?

Possibly. Not to worry because I'm going through the same thing. Keep going.

[benjamin]

Cool, the fact that so many of us are getting the same occurrences shows that it can't just be pointed at as 'placebo'.

My dreams last night were a bit less empowering. There was 2 girls. We were in a house, I was in my room as I know it but the rest was different. Some other guy took one girl in another room. Another girl was showing some interest, then went to have a shower. They both come out and I followed the girls and tried to talk to them, they kept quickly walking away trying to get away.

Went down a big hallway, got lost, wanted to go back to my bedroom but couldn't, the hallways opened up and turned mostly into water, I had to go around the edge so I didn't drown.

Then it all turned into a kind of mountain crossed with a wall that I was on the top of. There was a old woman and also a young girl stuck up there and I had to help both of them.

I first grabbed the girl with one arm and got her across a difficult part and did the same with the old woman. Somebody else come up and grabbed the young girl and climbed down. I grabbed the old woman holding her with just one arm, was very heavy and climbed down by holding on with the other arm.

At the end had all these people cheering me and that was all I remember.

Quite confusing, but seems to be a similar pattern still.

---

The other thing is the dreams I can connect to the subliminal I am remembering very well.

Most of the time I don't remember my dreams at all, but the last 3 nights I have rembered them easily, atleast the ones I feel are connected to this process.

[benjamin]

So I slept for about 13 hours. I was unusually tired so went to bed about 5 hours earlier than usual, but got up at the same time.

I know I needed it because now that i'm up I don't have that 'overslept' feeling I would usually get. And when I did alot of letting go with professional FasterEFT sessions I slept around the same amount that night, so it shows me there's alot of processing going on.

Played the subliminal for the usual 8 hours I do. Didn't get any dreams until after it stopped.

First one was being chased by zombies and having to escape the house in our ute. My mum was driving, my dad went to get something and come running back and my mum drove off. I was yelling to stop for him but she wouldn't, so in the end I hung out of the door hoping it would get her to stop and then jumped out. Turned out my dad had turned into a zombie which I wasn't aware of until then. All these other zombies come out and somebody else from the ute got out and was shooting them.

Then I remember we were driving along again, with the ute in front towing a tank behind and the ute was for driving during the day and the tank was for sleeping in at night because it protected us more from the zombies. Strange.

Woke up, went to sleep again and had another dream.

Was in my old primary school but at the age I am now. (the school isn't there anymore.) Don't remember much about it except I was trying to get away from something again and come across a group of girls counting down while one girl had her pants off and was peeing on the ground. I think they giggled when I walked past, then I was looking around for somewhere to escape, the fences were really high and there was another ute there with torches on the side (the indiana jones type with fire, not the battery type.) I was looking at the ute to try to steal it (like the other dreams) and the dream ended.

Haha i'm sure I will look back at all these dreams and think "WTF?".

Been feeling a little bit anxious today. Went to a bakery to get a sausage roll with my friend, a girl was working there that used to do taekwondo where I did who was a kid back then and is about 16 now.

She went out of her way to talk to me, asking what I had been upto etc, I told her I am teaching martial arts and she was asking alot about it, which could have been that she wanted to learn, but I think it was just wanting my attention so talking about something I am passionate about.

Even when other customers come in she ignored them and kept talking to me and looking me in the eyes. In the end I got a bit uncomfortable because of her age and said "I gotta go, my friend is waiting for me." and left, she looked pretty upset and disappointed that I said that and left.

[benjamin]

So had a date last night with a girl I met on the weekend.

It seems i've let go of alot of neediness. I just went there not trying to plan anything and go with the flow. Was a bit nervous but just accepted it and allowed it to be there.

Everything went quite smooth, it's funny I wasn't really thinking about sex all the time before it like I used to, just enjoyed her company and in the end it happened pretty smoothly. This was the first new girl in over a year, so things are definately improving.

I no longer feel the need or desire to write 'field reports'. Just wrote this bit to report that i'm starting to let go of some neediness.

Nothing else to report. No dreams last night.

[benjamin]

So just before I was thinking, something is different.

It's subtle, but also deep I feel. Initially with the program there was the pumped up feeling that I get alot of the time with say hypnosis confidence programs, that I usually get for a few days and it disappears.

But this is different. The pumped up feeling isn't there, just the feeling of being more 'natural' if that makes any sense. I can tell it's more permanent and hasn't faded away unlike with the hypnosis programs.

Having similar dreams. Had one last night, though there was more before it, the first bit I remember I was running around a kind of dock with somebody else, running from somebody but also trying to find some 'evidence' against some people. The 'evidence' was found in a hole connected to a pulley that pulled it up, got the evidence, dropped it in the hole and had to reach in to get it. The funny thing now is the hole was actually obviously labelled so we would find it.

Got it and went running, got towards some houses and big search lights were following us. Opened a garage door and there was a car in there with it's lights on with nobody in it, thought about escaping in it, but it was too obvious. (hmm compared to the other dreams where all the cars were stolen.)

But then went through the door into the house and there was 2 guys with samarai swords confront us. I was running around with the other guy behind me, trying my best to avoid the swords and hit them, run into another room full of wine bottles on racks, smashed many bottles on their heads but it had no effect at all, threw both of them through racks of bottles several times and nothing.

Went through a door, closed it, and a big guy I do security with appeared on the other side of the door and stopped the attackers, and there was this feeling of relief.

The dream ended there I think. Quite interesting.

Also noticed I realized some things girls do is just due to their insecurity. The girl from the other night sent me a message asking me out. But she framed it in the way that her friend asked her to bring me to dinner as they were having a gathering. I knew this was because of her insecurity and if I said no was to protect her more from the perceived 'rejection'.

Then just before. (the gathering was ment to be in a few hours.) she says "I just found out from facebook it was cancelled, but do you still want to go to dinner, just us 2?"

I think that was the plan all along, but that she is insecure about acting directly. I have seen the 'game' you could say which used to make me angry, but now i'm like 'thats ok, it's just her own insecurity.'.

I'm going to tell her to eat at home and we will do something else, as i'm not really into 'dinner dates'. As they carry the 'courtship' kind of programming and that's not what I want to communicate to her.

I told her to eat at home and we will go play mini golf.

Hmmm.. sounds a bit ***** now, she just said "oh I talked to her, she just cancelled it on facebook but it's happening in real life".



I'm not gonna take the bait and be f&*ked around (yes I think it's a test) and if she wants to go play mini golf I will, otherwise I won't be going to dinner.

-Ben

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Wow. Just was thinking about what to say to her and I hit upon something that has changed in me recently.

I do like her and enjoy her company and don't mind taking time out for her, but if i'm going to be f&*ked around then honestly I am just as okay doing my own thing, whether it be at home reading and watching martial arts training dvd's as I am, or whatever.

The cool thing is when I was thinking about saying this to her, I realized that it is pretty much true, still there is alot of neediness there at times, but that statement above is becoming much more true.

[Spiral]

I would have gone to dinner and said f**k it. Don't worry about these courtships there.. if you do then she will. She feeds off your energy and if you are there to just have a good time then she will have fun too. In fact you could have gone to have dinner with her and her friends and win them all over and she would like you even more but I don't know the whole situation. Either way it is the neediness that is affecting you on different levels because it's making you think way too much about it. The Alpha Male program will take care of all of this man

Also I would like to mention something to you about dreams. When they start getting wierd.. maybe something you aren't used to or a new type of dream.. I would just know that these subliminal are working and don't to analyze them too much. These dream interpretation meanings and websites that inform you on this are very general outlooks and don't specifically mean anything.