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Spiral's BAMM Journal
05-06-2013, 06:46 PM
Post: #61
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
Interesting, because I sometimes listen to music while doing stuff. I was doing Imusic which is classical music with brainwaves basically and I found that I got into the zone much better. And I could focus alot easier.

Guess it depends on the person really.

-Ben
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05-08-2013, 06:15 PM
Post: #62
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
33. Frame failure as just another step to success. Strive to avoid it, but be accepting of it as a way
to achieve success as well.

Since I'm coming to a close on stage 2 the most I've noticed is my almost complete comfortableness with myself and what is. Also with that in mind I've made significant shifts in re framing failure. That's why I quoted goal number 33 above.

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
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05-12-2013, 11:47 AM (This post was last modified: 06-02-2013 05:05 PM by Spiral.)
Post: #63
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
On stage 3. So far so good Smile

Stage 3

5/10/2013 - 6/12/2013
16th day ---> 5/25/2013

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
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05-12-2013, 05:25 PM
Post: #64
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
You are already at stage 3. Time flies!!!!
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05-13-2013, 04:31 PM
Post: #65
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
Yea bro it's giving me wind burn. :|

So I finally took some time to finish something I've been writing for a while. I may have posted it already here but it's been updated and it's much more like an official lecture.

You can check it out on thesoup.org here: http://thesoup.org/forum/Thread-Success-...-Potential

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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05-16-2013, 05:06 PM (This post was last modified: 05-16-2013 05:06 PM by Spiral.)
Post: #66
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
Stage 3 is very different. I'm not soo confused.. I've been in a spiraling tunnel of focus leading to my deepest desires and dreams. Being more honest.. with myself and others.. I can catch my other half getting jealous and judging and it's like "oh you make me laugh" and it's gone.

Tonight however I'm hanging onto the focus train but I feel like my grip is slipping some.. but I can't let go now. Optimus Engine has already brought up some interesting opportunities.

Feeling really lonely now. went out last weekend and hung out with a work friend and acouple his buddies. I was hitting on the bar tender lady but very discreetly and she picked up on it of course. I asked her if she had a boyfriend later on because I told myself "She's definitly hot and I'm already talking to her.. let's see how far I can take it." Turns out she's engaged. Also not happy about it because I asked her and her first response was "ehh it's fairly new.. only a couple months" and she was looking up to the ceiling with this wierd confused smirk on her face. BUT she's engaged and i drew the line.. even though once I left I realized what had happened. I don't crash relationships though.

I believe I can take advantage of this OE with not just for moving along on my business endeavours and manifesting those types of opportunities but letting it bring me all different types of opportunities to overcome my remaining fears. Now I welcome it. I'm not crippled by anxiety and the no excuses mindset that's beginning to cultivate is pushing me hard to move past all the stuff that isn't real. Very liberating.

Shannon, you are the man.

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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05-18-2013, 07:29 AM
Post: #67
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
There are so many great things in this program but one of my favorite numbered goals listed is this:

76. Improve your intuition, recognize it, listen to it, use it.

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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05-19-2013, 06:04 PM
Post: #68
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
When that one kicks in fully... depending on your natural areas of strength and such, of course... you're going to be amazed at what it does.

Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
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05-21-2013, 09:39 AM (This post was last modified: 05-21-2013 09:40 AM by Spiral.)
Post: #69
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
having trouble sleeping again. I'm certain it is because of my job and the fact I'm pumping statements into my mind. This is my only justification. And now that I remember, on the weekends I sleep fine. I've known for a long time that I must leave my job. I'm still fearful of what could happen in terms of how I can maintain financial stability long enough until I'm making money from my own efforts instead of sacrificing my precious moments.

I am seeing deeper within myself and sort of... just turning the lights back on in the darkest places. I find it challenging and very fun now. I may feel "bad" sometimes but it's my own responsibility to transcend those sensations and create ones that favor me. Progress is slow and steady. If I could choose what I did with 100% of my time, progress would move at a faster pace and still remain steady. I am on the verge of another breakthrough.

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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05-25-2013, 07:58 PM
Post: #70
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
Been having a pretty productive last few days on personal projects. Slow and steady. I can't say the same for the full-time job. I'm actually about 65% done with my next show that goes out in a month so I'm really not worried about that. I'm glad I don't have alot to do at work because it's really hard to do things that I don't want to do. I am alway aware of the things I have to do and I do make time to do them. for personal matters though I don't let time slip so easily. I do that shit as soon as it is possible. Personal stuff meaning pretty much anything outside of work like my business, drums and self awareness stuff.

All in all pretty good. I have been seizing the day! Not as much as I would like to be but I'm still progressing. No more stand stills. I see something that will help me move past fear and I go and put myself in the position of letting myself move past that fear. However that may be.

I had a very good meditation session just now. Basically the same experience I had last time I really did a heavy concentrated meditation. I couldn't really quiet my mind (it's been hard on BAMM) but my breathing was well controlled and I remained conscious of it. since my mind wasn't so quiet I was just having some random thoughts. most of them were wild images. Things like blood streams, energy particles, random people I have met and have not met. I was also focusing hard on viewing myself outside of myself and completely dissociating myself with the world as we know it. I got to a point where I almost passed out but I caught myself and instead went into a deeper state. not much deeper but deep enough to where I began feeling very nauseous and uncomfortable. I decided it was time to wake up and get back to reality. Never experienced that before and I'm confident as I gain more control in going into deeper states I'll have more control over my experience. total run time turned out to be somewhere between the 30-35 minute mark. I definitely want to see how far I can go with meditation.

Also, I grabbed a new book and am looking forward to reading it. Here it is:

http://www.amazon.com/Start-Escape-Avera...n+the+face

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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05-28-2013, 03:10 PM
Post: #71
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
I really like how BAMM is subtley bringing me out of my comfort zone. don't get me wrong.. I sort of get creeped out when little kids stare at me but I don't see the reason. I usually say "hi" but today I got a little creeped out lol. That's alright though. Other than that My mind seems focused in the right place. This past weekend seemed difficult but now I'm back in the mode of "seeking the challenge". Maybe not actively seeking a challenge but if there is a challenge brought to my attention.. I know I must attack it and move forward and overcome it slowly but surely. I don't think it's a good idea to rush these things when overcoming your own obstacles. I'm taking my time getting to know myself better.. and slowly doing things that scare me. Last couple of years I was so crippled by my own fear it was difficult to even make small changes in burst. BAMM is allowing me to move forward at a pace I am comfortable with.

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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05-28-2013, 09:02 PM
Post: #72
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
Excellent!

Subliminal Audio Specialist & Administrator

The scientist has a question to find an answer for. The pseudo-scientist has an answer to find a question for. ~ "Failure is the path of least persistence." - Chinese Fortune Cookie ~ Logic left. Emotion right. But thinking, straight ahead. ~ Sperate supra omnia in valorem. (The value of trust is above all else.) ~ Meowsomeness!
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05-30-2013, 01:39 PM (This post was last modified: 05-30-2013 01:41 PM by Spiral.)
Post: #73
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
Last couple of days have been tough. Real tough. Something I thought I was mostly past was brought back up and it has to do with one thing in my present and one thing that is a build up of past events and experiences including things currently from outside of myself I know that I cannot fix personally for a little while. The only thing I can fix is my reaction to these things and how I feel. That part I am not past and is very deeply rooted within me. I speak of the "build up of past events and experiences" specifically. It is obviously fear related and it's much more frustrating this time around considering I thought I was past this. The first thing I mentioned dealing with my present is my job. Things are looking up for the job though. However, I'm becoming more focused on doing everything I can to move locations.

Today has been alright though. I had a joke to add on to one of my buddies stories today at work I had never heard of before. My first thought was this joke and i just spurted it out because it cracked me up so much. I was laughing so hard and it felt good when I made everyone else laugh. The feeling of bliss was almost orgasmic it's hard to describe. It's really good to see my sense of humor shining through with the help of this program.

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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06-04-2013, 10:38 AM (This post was last modified: 06-04-2013 11:05 AM by Spiral.)
Post: #74
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
This past weekend had alot of fun with my friends. My good buddy was graduating and he really enjoyed the gift I got him. It meant alot to me and I know it meant alot to him.

He rented a table at a club with his architecture buddies he graduated with. I knew I was going to get to meet alot of new people especially women who were in our group and that's the mindset I went in with. I wanted to enjoy myself as much as possible and a part of me wanted others to have more fun than me, too. That feeling was amazing. I want more of that. I know I will get there but the reality is is that not everyone will have fun with others or themselves. So some interactions seemed force but I didn't spend much time with those people anyways. I was flirting with all the girls (cept maybe 2 or 3). I know how it feels now and how I need to go about developing this new habit of excellence. I was very touchy feely with the women and they loved it. I wanted to give more to them but I held myself back. I know what it is too. Still need to adjust to my new mindset and move forward in ways that favor myself and women sexually and romantically. As I continue to shed off the layers I will soon be where I want to be. I want to go out every weekend but for now I must focus on earning my freedom from the 9-5 job and continue saving money. I'm very much impatient but I finally know what it feels like to enjoy the process and it's beautiful. Life is beautiful and I want everyone to be happy. This stuff is still scary for me and it's also very frustrating to let go of everything I thought was real.

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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06-06-2013, 05:18 PM (This post was last modified: 06-06-2013 05:20 PM by Spiral.)
Post: #75
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
I wish to express my gratitude but I don't truly know how. I am grateful but I'm not as grateful as I want to be. I feel as if there is a limit to how awesome my life is now but I know there isn't. And it feels like I will never be as thankful as I really want to be. All I can hope for is to be continuously privileged with health, happiness, success and 100% physical and mental functionality in this life.

..and I will always stay hungry

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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06-13-2013, 06:21 PM (This post was last modified: 06-13-2013 06:24 PM by Spiral.)
Post: #76
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
Stage 4: 6/13/2013 - 7/14/2013
6/28/2013 <-- 16th day off


I begin Stage 4 tonight!

Recap of Stage 3:

Not as brutal as Stage 2 considering some small amounts of people pleasing behavior resurfaced but now at the end of stage 3 it's quite possible that all that has vanished. I am not certain. Stage 2 was more difficult than stage 3 because of alot of old beliefs deeply rooted were being challenged and beaten. Stage 3 seemed to refine those things as well as my behavior around others. Negative and notoriously impatient people that I work with make me impatient on the inside but it's remarkable that none of that shows on the outside. I'm obvsiously going through another tough transition. In Stage 3 my patience was challenged and I won.

My worst fear (phobia) is being chizzled away very slowly but on the days that it seems to not exist are very freeing and on the days that I'm fairly afraid I know that this isn't how it really is and at least I can let go some (lol @ sentance structure). I don't think I'm running but I'm having trouble confronting this phobia directly. How can I physically confront it in the real world without actually putting myself in some sort of danger? I know how but I will not do it. I'll take the other road where I must mentally deal with this challenge.

My energy levels have peaked and they have leveled out on the last week of stage 3. I've been getting good sleep and eating better since my parents came into town a month ago. I kinda let go of my healthy diet but now I'm back on it for the most part (had a pizza tonight and yesterday Big Grin)

My productivity is steady and that's good with me. Having alot of doubts but that's normal. They don't bother me so much anymore. I'm sleeeeepy

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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06-13-2013, 09:22 PM
Post: #77
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
Stage 2 is making me impatient with people too. And i'm feeling a positive transition the last few days.

After being in the healing/spiritual area for a while i've been told that you can release for example and have no doubts, no fears or anything and just do it effortlessly. I guess that isn't as popular as 'you will have doubts but you have to keep going anyway'.

But letting go some definately helps too Tongue

-Ben
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06-17-2013, 01:36 PM
Post: #78
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
had a few rough days there. I didn't really know what was happening. I still feel off today too BUT I feel great about myself and the future. Ordering a new ballin' computer today. My laptop cannot keep up with me Wink

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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06-21-2013, 06:01 PM
Post: #79
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
Stage 4 isn't fun. I'm at a loss for words at how horrible I feel right now. And it's not even that bad.

Feeling reminisce of social anxiety through out the day around women. I knew I definitly wasn't over it but this is the first time in a while I've felt the gut turning/vibrating sensations I'm far too familiar with. Now, they just don't make sense to me. That's probably why I feel horrible.

"To love completely and hold onto nothing-that is the only freedom." -David Deida
"If at first glance it may appear too hard, look again. Always look again." - Unknown
If you would like to get in touch with me, please send me an email.
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06-24-2013, 08:51 AM
Post: #80
RE: Spiral's BAMM Journal
You'll make it through brother. 3/4 were devastating for me, but IIRC not so for Shannon. Or maybe just one of those was tough for him.

Here, this should cheer you up:

[Image: tumblr_lz3vcp4nS31r27qkzo1_500.gif]

[Image: Scrooge-Porpoise.jpg]

Andrew // Site Architect "Attack its weak point for massive damage" -Giant Enemy Crab
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