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Arctic Fox's EPRHA V2 Journal
12-29-2015, 12:52 PM (This post was last modified: 12-29-2015 12:57 PM by ArcticFox.)
Post: #41
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Day 97

Days completed total = 71
Days missed total = 26
Stage 1 complete
Stage 2 started: 22nd November
Stage 2 Days = 30
Days missed = 7

closing in on stage 2 completion, 6 days left to complete with the missed days. Christmas has been difficult to get good exposure as ive been away form home and had to use sleep phones which sometimes fall of during sleep.

It was a good test of the subs as i was with family that can sometimes drive me crazy. i was pretty chilled the whole time but i could have been better, still got some attitude points to straighten out.

will probably miss another couple of days with New years eve/day. Overall i think im making good progress, but ive still got a long way to go.

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01-04-2016, 05:32 AM
Post: #42
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Day 103

Days completed total = 75
Days missed total = 28
Stage 1 complete
Stage 2 started: 22nd November
Stage 2 Days = 34
Days missed = 9

I'm going to take stage to up to 37 days to complete the missed days, which means I should be finished by Thursday. If I didn't keep track of my missed days there is no way I would have believed I missed almost a complete stage of days!!

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01-07-2016, 07:23 AM (This post was last modified: 01-07-2016 07:35 AM by ArcticFox.)
Post: #43
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Stage 2 Complete Big Grin

Day 106
Days completed total = 78
Days missed total = 28
Stage 1 complete
Stage 2 started: 22nd November
Stage 2 Days = 37
Days missed = 9 (9*1.5 = 4.5 round up to 5 extra days)
Stage 3 started 07/01/2016

Feel I've made much more progress at the end of this stage. I can see how only doing 1-2 months would not be enough. Still aiming for 6 months.

Overall I feel more relaxed around people
my social interactions have increased
less anxiety with new interactions
less worry in general
less angry
less negative though patterns
less feelings of guilt
I have been thinking more about stuff - past experiences
Still have feelings for me ex
More relaxed when interacting with girls on matching sites
less anxiety before calling friends
calling friends more
more laid back at work

still tired most of the time
not exercising or motivated to
procrastinating
(I think these are more diet and habit related)

Not related to the sub but I decided to stop fapping and see how long I could go. aiming for a month. (Its been 4 days, feels like weeks).

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01-14-2016, 01:56 AM
Post: #44
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Day 113
Stage 3/6
Stage 3 started 07/01/2016
Days completed total = 84
Days missed total = 29
Stage 3 days = 6
Days missed = 1

Had a date last night, it was going really well but I had a massive relapse (i guess you could call it that). We disagreed on something, normally im so chilled but this stuck with me and I shut down completely, got the negative black cloud around my head all went silent for 5 minutes so I told her I'm going home!

This didn't go down well with her as she thought it was her fault. It then took me the rest of the night to turn it back around, convince her it was me (which it is) and make things right.

I've had that 'feeling' many times before and its something I need to remove as it is very destructive. I plan on tapping this emotion/feeling.

Also missed out on a nights Subs Wink

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01-20-2016, 08:59 AM
Post: #45
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Hitting quite a bit of resistance this week. I've gone back to some old issues with anxiety in general especially around girls, and anger/resentment towards family.

Its reflecting in my attitude as I'm being spiteful and IDGAF but in a childish manner. I dont have these very often now which is why this is relevant.

I am having trouble differentiating dreams from reality, I often catch myself thinking about an recent experience only to question whether it was in a dream or actually happened.

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01-25-2016, 06:42 AM (This post was last modified: 02-26-2016 04:55 AM by ArcticFox.)
Post: #46
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Day 124
Stage 3/6
Stage 3 started 07/01/2016
Days completed total = 94
Days missed total = 30
Stage 3 days = 16
Days missed = 2

Slow but steady progress. Lots of feelings and love for my ex-girlfriend who I split up with over a year ago, not sure why but i should be over her by now!! Seeing a new girl but I'm not into her so wont last, but getting some action. Also taking a girl to the theatre on Wednesday and she has asked if she can stay over so may lead to something.

I've have started to think about getting my teeth fixed with braces, something I should have done a long time ago. Little things like this make me realize the progress I'm making. I'm looking forward to half way mark in a couple of weeks. Still got a long way to go though.

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01-28-2016, 04:09 AM
Post: #47
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
FML I'm on a death spiral today. Must be due to some form of rejection this week but my inner head attitude is everyone can GFTS and I'm done with people. Confused

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01-28-2016, 03:01 PM
Post: #48
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Mission accomplished. Self sabotage for today complete. One friend - bridge burnt. congratulations Andrew! FFS. Huh

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01-30-2016, 06:39 PM (This post was last modified: 01-30-2016 07:30 PM by ArcticFox.)
Post: #49
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
My brain is such a stubborn f**k. Every step of the way it resists. So close to quitting the sub, thinking how much longer I can carry this on?

Another girl burnt tonight. Potential sex but took the high road, how i got out of it though would have been a psychiatrists dream. Pure reversal and switch, why? A normal dude would have just ***** here then left her to deal with it. Im like a nice guy but still end up being a c**t (edit - that doesn't get laid!)

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02-02-2016, 09:13 PM
Post: #50
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
(01-30-2016 06:39 PM)ArcticFox Wrote:  My brain is such a stubborn f**k. Every step of the way it resists. So close to quitting the sub, thinking how much longer I can carry this on?

Another girl burnt tonight. Potential sex but took the high road, how i got out of it though would have been a psychiatrists dream. Pure reversal and switch, why? A normal dude would have just ***** here then left her to deal with it. Im like a nice guy but still end up being a c**t (edit - that doesn't get laid!)

It sounds like you're making progress brother. No one ever mentions the uphill battle that progress entails. The long painful march to get one step further than the last attempt. But you keep doing it because eventually that one last step gets you onto the plateau and life is easy and magical and the beer flows like wine. Smile

In my experience, being aware of the constant screw ups is simply another way that your mind learns. You have to see and deal with the mistakes, usually for what seems to be waaaaay too many times, before you overcome them. Otherwise how would you understand how to not make them anymore?

Sorry you're having a tough time lately. I haven't read any of the journals outside of the ones I've been considering for the future the past couple of weeks or I would have seen you were having a bad time. You're always welcome to shoot me a message if you need someone to talk to man! I work way too much but I'll get back to you when I'm able.
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ArcticFox
02-03-2016, 02:53 PM (This post was last modified: 02-03-2016 02:54 PM by ArcticFox.)
Post: #51
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
(02-02-2016 09:13 PM)Nox Wrote:  
(01-30-2016 06:39 PM)ArcticFox Wrote:  My brain is such a stubborn f**k. Every step of the way it resists. So close to quitting the sub, thinking how much longer I can carry this on?

Another girl burnt tonight. Potential sex but took the high road, how i got out of it though would have been a psychiatrists dream. Pure reversal and switch, why? A normal dude would have just ***** here then left her to deal with it. Im like a nice guy but still end up being a c**t (edit - that doesn't get laid!)

It sounds like you're making progress brother. No one ever mentions the uphill battle that progress entails. The long painful march to get one step further than the last attempt. But you keep doing it because eventually that one last step gets you onto the plateau and life is easy and magical and the beer flows like wine. Smile

In my experience, being aware of the constant screw ups is simply another way that your mind learns. You have to see and deal with the mistakes, usually for what seems to be waaaaay too many times, before you overcome them. Otherwise how would you understand how to not make them anymore?

Sorry you're having a tough time lately. I haven't read any of the journals outside of the ones I've been considering for the future the past couple of weeks or I would have seen you were having a bad time. You're always welcome to shoot me a message if you need someone to talk to man! I work way too much but I'll get back to you when I'm able.

Thanks Nox, I appreciate you checking in! Its nice to have some verbal support! I know everyone on the forum supports each other and lots of people read this journal which I'm always very grateful for.

Yeah it has been rough, i looked back on last week and thought "Did that actually happen, was that me, what was i thinking!?" its really bizarre. But like you say its a way to learn more about yourself and increase personal discovery.

I've been drinking and partying, not out of control but enough to where its affected my life. I think a lot of the problems i had last week and further in the past have been due to poor diet and too much alcohol.

So this month I have decided to run a Whole30 diet (which is pretty much Paleo) for February, which means no booze. I also started Anthony Robbins Personal Power II as well so my February should be an interesting one!!

Thanks again for checking in Nox and I will message you if/when things get rough.

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02-04-2016, 06:32 AM (This post was last modified: 02-26-2016 04:55 AM by ArcticFox.)
Post: #52
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Day 134
Stage 3/6
Stage 3 started 07/01/2016
Days completed total = 103
Days missed total = 31
Stage 3 days = 25
Days missed = 3

Waking up to a lot of dreams about close family, having arguments with them and falling out. Rough week last week so pulled my socks up and started a new 30 day diet and a 30 day life improvement plan to run through February.

Part of that plan will be to tap as I know I have some stigmas that have been made clear from last week, mainly around women.

Just some stuff to air
  • Pretty sure i have some hate towards women
  • Despise people who i dont know that are in good jobs - think they have blagged there way there (corporate environment).
  • Still feel like I have wasted my life, don't feel so bad about it but not having a mortgage and renting for the last 10 years has done me no favours.

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Nox
02-04-2016, 07:11 AM
Post: #53
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
(02-04-2016 06:32 AM)ArcticFox Wrote:  Day 134
Stage 3/6
Stage 3 started 07/01/2016
Days completed total = 93
Days missed total = 31
Stage 3 days = 25
Days missed = 3

Waking up to a lot of dreams about close family, having arguments with them and falling out. Rough week last week so pulled my socks up and started a new 30 day diet and a 30 day life improvement plan to run through February.

Part of that plan will be to tap as I know I have some stigmas that have been made clear from last week, mainly around women.

Just some stuff to air
  • Pretty sure i have some hate towards women
  • Despise people who i dont know that are in good jobs - think they have blagged there way there (corporate environment).
  • Still feel like I have wasted my life, don't feel so bad about it but not having a mortgage and renting for the last 10 years has done me no favours.

Just kind of a funny thing, I hated that I was renting when I didn't have a mortgage. Then I got a mortgage and half the time I wish I was renting lol. They need to have some type of mental health prep for living situations because it really messes with you if you're not ready for the hidden details.
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02-11-2016, 02:58 AM (This post was last modified: 02-26-2016 04:55 AM by ArcticFox.)
Post: #54
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Day 141
Stage 3/6
Stage 3 started 07/01/2016
Days completed total = 110
Days missed total = 31
Stage 3 days = 32
Days missed = 3

2 more days and I'm halfway!

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02-26-2016, 04:54 AM (This post was last modified: 03-01-2016 08:14 AM by ArcticFox.)
Post: #55
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Day 156
Stage 4/6
Stage 3 completed 13/02/2016
Stage 4 started 14/02/2016 (one day break before starting stage 4)
Days completed total = 124
Days missed total = 32
Stage 3 days = 34
Stage 4 days = 12

So I passed the half way mark a couple weeks back. Had a real tough December and January, I was getting back into girls and hitting tinder pretty hard. it backfired on me as my subconscious would self sabotage. I was also drinking heavily and eating really bad, was on a bit of a downward spiral.

So on the 30th Jan had a date that went awful, wanted to sack the girl off but im too nice and dont know how to do it, so just ended up going out for dinner and being really indifferent, and c**ty. I was trying to emulate the DGAF attitude that I read about in "attract models" book, but this attitude is a fine art.

So date ended bad and I go grab a load of beers go home, and smash some white that I had left over from new years. Sit at my kitchen table high and drinking listening to music till 4am and chatting shit on FB.

Sunday I decide enough is enough, going to kick start again with a dry February and not only that but cut out Sugar, Dairy, Gluten, grains and rice by doing the Whole30 Diet - and on top of this I started an Anthony Robbins personal power program.

So I've basically been a hermit this month and have been completely zen, but more like a flat zen not a happy zen - kind of emotionless (I think Matt mentioned this state in his EPRHA journal). Its been great not drinking and going out, saving money and getting some projects done.

The Whole30 diet is life changing, and if you want to see a difference in mood and energy I highly recommend it. The first 2 days I had Kidney ache (flu like) while my body withdrew from sugar and alcohol - pretty scary but felt great after.

Recently I've been getting up and having little to no feelings, when I wake up i look back at the last 10 years and feel nothing, just emptiness as if it didn't even happen, like it was a complete waste. And in reality I think this is true. Now to have a rant....

I've been getting more angry as well, things piss me off. I think my general outlook is that i've been a good citizen, worked hard for 10 years in an honest job helping other people and going about my business without causing any problems, not getting into debt, saving, and not being frivolous or superficial, and being responsible.

Then i look at other people who are obnoxious, dont care about society, only think of themselves, drive around in cars they cant afford, run up massive debts. However it seems to be society favours these people, they are taking the spoils of life by living beyond their means and society supports them, they abuse the system, take what they can and don't give back. they now all own houses, and have jobs in power from being arrogant and extroverted, or have huge benefit payouts by claiming disability for being overweight or having 7 kids and yet they are winning in life.

I look at myself, someone who has tried hard yet has nothing. Everything I have done could be gone in a flash, my job, the flat I rent. It really f**cks me off, I am so disenfranchised from society, the government isn't interested in helping a 30 something responsible single male. However if I was a migrant, a single mum, or if i had 7 kids I would be given a free house and free benefits every week - for doing what? being f**cking Irresponsible. What kind of a model is this, its *****

Sorry, rant over!

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03-01-2016, 08:16 AM (This post was last modified: 03-02-2016 01:14 AM by ArcticFox.)
Post: #56
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
post updated above. I've stepped up my listening hours to 10-12 and slightly increased US volume to 75db at pillow. I'm having more dreams and hitting resistance (see above)

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03-01-2016, 12:00 PM
Post: #57
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
I don't know you in real life, but you wouldn't be happy with those other lives man. Juat from what ive seen here self respect and improvement matters. Self respect is a treasure that most dirtbags out on the street will never understand, and it'll sadly haunt them during their last hours of life. Those who are basically the death bed confessional type. They lacked integrity in life and so it'll follow them in death.

It's GOOD that you're angry, because the new you is rejecting the old you. Sometimes change requires fuel, and anger and rage can get s*** done. You don't want to use it long term, but when it does pop up use it. Yeah, its best to not get angry, but we're not perfect yet so I say use the tools you're given. Just don't end up staying angry. It sucks being a constantly angry person.
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ArcticFox
03-03-2016, 10:00 PM
Post: #58
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Wow. I just realized that the way I perceived my problem with girls is exactly the same way you perceived your level of success compared to others. Both of us have worked hard and didn't feel like we got what we deserved. Different external problem, same internal representation.

I have to say that I've just been tapping and I'm seeing a difference. It's subtle but it's there and I can't deny it. My life is improving. I still have my internal issues but I'm knocking them down.

Just keep it up ArcticFox! I recommend tapping and switching to EPRHA 2.0 when it comes out. But either way, keep going man. It took me awhile but I actually believe there is an end to my internal issues in sight now. You'll see it soon for yourself too.
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ArcticFox
03-06-2016, 03:13 PM
Post: #59
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
Thanks for checking in Nox and Maxx!! Appreciate it Smile Got some bits to update on but I'll do that this week.

I really feel like I'm making some good head way with EPRAH, I think upping my exposure time has helped. I did 3 months of solid 8 hours, and now ive steeped up to 10-14 hours - I think doing it that way helped me ease into the longer exposure.

I have v2 but I'm going to complete a full 4 months before switching.

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Nox
03-06-2016, 04:41 PM
Post: #60
RE: Andy's EPRHA Journal
You should just switch because 2.0 has everything 1.0 has with more technologies. It's not like the AM programs where you have to finish the 6 months and even Shannon said you can do a smooth transition into 2.0 from 1.0

E2 Start Date: March 6th 2016
E2 End Date: November 1st 2017

UD Start Date: October 15 2017
UD End date: July 1st 2019



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